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(4/29/19)\n566 Likes. It's times like now... That I come back to this video and remember why I'm still here (12/6/19)\n\nRevision number 6. I guess you guys are lucky you didn't see the first.\n\nI'm NOT killing myself. I mean, that was the plan, I won't lie. This was going to be my last video and was so hard to make between all the tears and emotions I've had. I didn't think I would put this out like this.. but it's time to put this up and behind me.\n\nSo.. now that you guys know about a very personal problem I've had been dealing with for ten years.. what made me create this at this time? I'll try to tell you the whole story, if you're one of the few who care to read this.\n\n\nThis year has been one of the hardest times in my life. I knew before the official announcement that this was the last season of MLP gen 4. Those leaks are usually right. Gen 4 has been such a huge part of my life these past years and has helped me so much in dealing with this depression. Animating these ponies got my mind off how worthless I feel. I was making something I was proud of.\n\nThis year started great. My \"Mane Six vs. Mean Six\" video was soaring and I even made a few new... friends. This is where it started to go downhill.\n\nOne of those new friends contacted me and was an animator who used the same type of software as me. He seemed nice and we talked on Discord. He was leagues ahead of me in animation, so I felt pretty useless. I thought this would be the first and last time we would chat. To my surprise, we chatted a couple of times, him always taking time to help me be a bit better. I couldn't have him waste his time on someone who was planning on committing suicide.\n\nOn Jan. 14, I tried to end that friendship. I basically told him I'm a lost cause, his other 2 friends need his help more than me and he should forget me. I didn't tell him my plans to kill myself... until he asked why. That was my first big mistake. This was the first person I've told this to and I known him for about two weeks. I still can't believe I did that.\n\nHe tried to reach out later and I took a chance. I told him everything. I planned to end my life on a certain day each year. It's funny..  if you go through my videos, almost every year has a sad video. These were the times I was going to give up, but I've been helped out of this dark place each time, even this time...\n\nHe said our friendship wouldn't be the same and if we were to be friends again, I would have to promise not to hurt him like that again. I couldn't make that promise, so I said goodbye. I did my best to move on, but now it's painful to animate because I see everything this person taught me.\n\nSo pushed through the pain and made this. I had to say goodbye. But before I went past a point of no return, I reached out to my oldest friend on here. I showed him the video and we talked about how I feel. It was helpful, but when I told him I was going to post this... He gave up on me. Even though he said he wouldn't...\n\nThat hurt a lot. I've known this person for years and he's done with me, after one conversation. Man... One day, I'll stop crying... but not today.\n\nBoth of the people I told how I feel have abandoned me. I don't know what that says about them or me, but I'm feeling pretty alone. So much for friendship is magic, huh? Maybe I am as worthless as I feel or I need to choose my \"friends\" a bit more carefully... That's not great for someone who tried to reach out and have been turned down each time..\n\n..I still forgive them. They're good people. It's just me, I'm sure. I'm not worth anybody's time. That's okay.\n\nBut...\n\nI'm not going to be ashamed of what I made, so here it is. It was originally called \"Goodbye...\" It's how I felt at my lowest this year... but the difference is... I'm still here.\n\nRemember Falling has a great video about her experience with depression. I'll link it. That also was helpful in moving on:\nhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTsmbOMRAp0\n\nThe other animator said that the best thing about my animations was that I actually finished them... That was painful.. but he might be right. I WILL finish the Twilight vs. Trixie saga. I promise you and I always keep my promises. I'm not going to give up on my favorite idea, even if everyone forgets and abandons me. I wanted to make this for years and I won't stop. Not now. Unless it's completely out of my control.\n\nI'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes:\n\n\"Absolutely have to have dark in order to have light\ngotta have dark\nGotta have opposites: dark and light, light and dark, continually (...)\nYou have light on light, you have nothing. 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