- I often mute people while they talk
so I can either swear at you or eat food.
- I've gotten so good at speaking with confidence
that I don't know if any of this information is true.
- The more upset you get, the funnier it is to me.
- I love it when you ask for a manager
because then I don't have to talk to you anymore.
- I can't find that information for you
because I'm too busy looking for other jobs on my computer.
- I take bathroom breaks often
so I can get a moment of peace.
- I love it when you insult me over something
that's your fault,
because when you realize it's your fault
that moment of satisfaction is the best thing ever.
- My college degree is gathering dust
because this is the only job I can get right now.
- Sometimes calls come in so quickly
that I have to put you on hold
so I can finish telling my friend a story I started.
Okay, so anyway Jessica might have been around,
and I don't know what they were doing.
I know right.
- I wish quality assurance wasn't listening
so I could tell you how I really feel.
- There's a reason I work in a call center,
It's 'cause you don't wanna see
the expression on my face when
I'm on the phone with you.
- This isn't my real voice.
I'm making myself sound much more pleasant
that I really am.
- Outbound calls give me so much anxiety,
I truly hope it goes to voicemail.
- The nicer you are, the more I'll try to help you.
- If you're a dick I'm gonna try
and get you off the phone as quickly as possible
so I can stalk you on Facebook
and make fun of you with my co-workers.
- If you're the worst person in the world,
I will take your email address
and sign you up for weird email lists.
Like for foot fetishes.
- Or furies.
- Or for erectile dysfunction.