WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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- I've seen a cat take a shit
locking eyes with my roommate.

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Not many people can say that, so. (laughs)

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(light electronic music)

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- I have a cat and her name is Jengi.

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- His name is Rusty Shackleford.

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- My cat's name is Tails.

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- Meano.

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- So I missed having Harry with me

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so I flew him out to LA from Dallas.

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- And he was kinda standing near the wall,

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and I was petting him, and he started

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having a sneezing fit.

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- He had this problem where he

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(intense inquisitive music)

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didn't go to the bathroom
for like three days,

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and then he started acting like

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he was possessed by demons.

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- And then all of a sudden,
from the living room

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I hear this scream, and it's my roommate.

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He's like, "What the fuck, dude?!"

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- And it just splattered
all over the wall.

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- Some shit flew out of his butt

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in liquid form onto my shirt.

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- "Dude, your cat fuckin'
shit all over the bean bag,

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and I'm eatin' Chipotle!"

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- I guess her tail had been under her

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and like her whole dump
went on top of her tail.

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So like three turds
were on her whole tail.

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- A shit longer than him

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came out of him, and I have
no idea how it happened.

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- This huge Lovesac in the living room

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was just drenched in diarrhea,

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(light orchestral music)

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cat diarrhea, and it just smells.

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It's like a shit sauna,
it's just in your face.

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(splatting imitation)

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- The sheer weight of
the poop on her tail,

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she couldn't handle it.

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I don't know why she didn't
feel it happening in the midst,

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but there was nothing in the litter box.

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(music cuts out)

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- And then he walked away, and my roommate

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was like, "I think we need
to get rid of this cat.

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"I don't think it's working out."

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- And he told me, "Get rid of the cat,

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"the cat's gotta go or I'm gonna go."

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(light smooth jazz)

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We're not friends anymore
now, but for other issues.

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- I don't know, cats are cats.

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- It's kind of a
sacrifice you have to make

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if you want a cat, you know?

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But I love cats so much that it's worth

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goin' through some shit storms.