WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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- Alright, what entertainment

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do you have for me today, internet?

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Cat photo, cat photo.

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Rant about people responding
to a tragedy incorrectly.

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Cat photo.

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(gasps)

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Jerry T. Lewins said Star
Battles is the worst franchise

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of all time, anyone who
watches it is a moron?

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No, I will not engage.

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No matter how wrong he is.

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He said Princess Corenza is
a sad excuse for a character

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and belongs in the kitchen?

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Deep breath.

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Instead of responding, I
can go get a cup of tea

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and calm my nerves.

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(whoosh)

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(squeaking)

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(calming music)

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(upbeat electronic music)

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Lukins is the worst director of all time!

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Are you kidding me?

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OK, OK.

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Calm down.

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Maybe it's time for a little walk.

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(calming music)

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He said what?

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You know what, I'll
finally finish my novel.

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(intense electronic music)

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(calming music)

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(beep)

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No.

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I'll take up crocheting,
like I've always wanted to.

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(calming music, followed by intense music)

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I'll adopt a baby, and raise
her in a good household

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until she's 18 and I send
her off to a great college.

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(calming music)

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(beep)

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Goddamit!

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I'll train for the
astronaut program at NASA.

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Get accepted, fly to Mars,
start a colony up there.

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Wow, this place is beautiful.

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Almost forgot why I came
up here to begin with.

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Wow, I get service up here, too.

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(beep)

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Ah.

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(bleep)

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(intense electronic music)

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You, Mr. Jerry T. Lewins,
are an incredible idiot.

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Not only did Star Battles
inspire a generation,

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Princess Corenza was the
first female character

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in history to ever kill a man
with her bare hands on film,

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so she is more progressive
and creative than anything

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you could imagine, you thoughtless swine.

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(beeping)

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I immediately regret this.

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(intense electronic music)

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(whoosh)

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(squeaking)