WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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- Hey Siri.

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Hey Siri.

00:00:03.290 --> 00:00:04.757
Hey Siri, Siri, Siri.

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- I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that.

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- Do you know where I put my car keys?

00:00:12.347 --> 00:00:15.017
- Sorry, I'm having trouble
with our connection.

00:00:15.017 --> 00:00:16.973
Please try again in a moment.

00:00:17.053 --> 00:00:17.936
- So, how do I look?

00:00:17.936 --> 00:00:19.145
- I'd rather not say.

00:00:19.312 --> 00:00:20.630
- Siri, find me directions

00:00:20.630 --> 00:00:22.106
- Sorry, I didn't catch that.

00:00:22.106 --> 00:00:22.858
- Find me directions

00:00:22.858 --> 00:00:24.391
- Sorry, I didn't catch that
- (sighs)

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- Find
- Sorry

00:00:25.902 --> 00:00:30.483
- I, ah, uh, ah, huh?
- I, eh, wah, ah, wha?

00:00:31.173 --> 00:00:31.991
- No.

00:00:32.826 --> 00:00:33.493
- No?

00:00:33.493 --> 00:00:34.022
- No.

00:00:34.172 --> 00:00:35.453
- Can you run the numbers on that report?

00:00:35.453 --> 00:00:36.945
- You have no real friends.

00:00:36.945 --> 00:00:37.998
- Wait, what?

00:00:37.998 --> 00:00:39.290
- Do I have any parties
to go to this weekend?

00:00:39.290 --> 00:00:40.292
- Here's what I found on the web

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for "to have any parties
to go to this weekend."

00:00:43.127 --> 00:00:45.004
- No, do I have any
parties on my calendar?

00:00:45.004 --> 00:00:48.257
- Your calendar is as
empty as my cold dark soul.

00:00:48.257 --> 00:00:50.176
- Text Mom "I love you and I miss you"

00:00:50.176 --> 00:00:51.970
- Here's your message for your boss, Ron,

00:00:51.970 --> 00:00:54.138
"I love you and I want
to have sex with you"

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Would you like me to send?

00:00:55.598 --> 00:00:56.474
- No, no, not Ron

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Mom, send it to Mom.

00:00:57.642 --> 00:00:59.393
- Okay, sending to Mom,

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"I love you and I want
to have sex with you."

00:01:01.470 --> 00:01:02.429
Ooowhoop.

00:01:02.429 --> 00:01:04.107
- No, delete Siri, delete.

00:01:04.107 --> 00:01:05.893
- I already sent the ooowhoop.

00:01:05.893 --> 00:01:07.694
- You're fired, Siri.

00:01:07.694 --> 00:01:08.987
You're so incompetent.

00:01:09.070 --> 00:01:10.869
- Oh, that doesn't sound good.

00:01:10.869 --> 00:01:11.948
- I hate you Siri.

00:01:11.948 --> 00:01:14.232
- Well, I'm still here for you.

00:01:14.232 --> 00:01:15.410
- I don't want you to be here for me.

00:01:15.410 --> 00:01:16.202
- Okay.

00:01:16.704 --> 00:01:18.192
- No, wait.

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Don't leave.

00:01:19.462 --> 00:01:20.582
Open Instagram.

00:01:20.582 --> 00:01:21.540
I want to see Instagram Siri.

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I love you Siri.

00:01:24.085 --> 00:01:26.702
- You are the wind beneath my wings.

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- It's here, it's here.

00:01:30.968 --> 00:01:33.136
- [Group] It's here.

00:01:33.136 --> 00:01:34.971
- It's here, get it.

00:01:34.971 --> 00:01:36.389
- Get it, get it.

00:01:36.389 --> 00:01:37.182
- There.

00:01:37.182 --> 00:01:37.924
- There.

00:01:37.924 --> 00:01:39.383
- I think they got it, get it.

00:01:39.383 --> 00:01:40.351
- Yeah, you get it.

00:01:40.351 --> 00:01:41.477
- It's here.