WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

00:00:00.764 --> 00:00:02.028
- (laughing) I'm judging
the shit out of you

00:00:02.028 --> 00:00:03.639
and your tattoo choice.

00:00:03.639 --> 00:00:06.093
(rock music)

00:00:08.093 --> 00:00:09.807
- How many tattoos I have,

00:00:09.807 --> 00:00:11.607
is equal to how many annoying questions

00:00:11.607 --> 00:00:13.335
you're gonna ask me this session.

00:00:13.335 --> 00:00:14.209
- Will it hurt?

00:00:14.209 --> 00:00:15.879
What hurts is you missed the 10 signs

00:00:15.879 --> 00:00:17.085
at the front of the studio

00:00:17.085 --> 00:00:19.606
demanding that you don't
ask me that question.

00:00:19.606 --> 00:00:21.284
- I definitely didn't spell check this

00:00:21.284 --> 00:00:22.903
before I started tattooing.

00:00:22.903 --> 00:00:24.467
Oops-a-daisy.

00:00:24.467 --> 00:00:26.907
- Do a good job. Go (bleep) yourself.

00:00:26.907 --> 00:00:28.741
- Yep. Three years of art school

00:00:28.741 --> 00:00:31.140
just to tattoo countless southern crosses

00:00:31.140 --> 00:00:33.420
on pasty white guys' biceps.

00:00:33.420 --> 00:00:36.718
- Be nice to me, and I'll be
nice to your intricate outline.

00:00:36.718 --> 00:00:38.121
- Are you sure you're not drunk?

00:00:38.121 --> 00:00:39.777
I kinda wish you were,

00:00:39.777 --> 00:00:41.976
cause that tattoo design is really bad.

00:00:41.976 --> 00:00:43.718
- A tattoo of a woman crying?

00:00:43.718 --> 00:00:45.100
What a great idea!

00:00:45.100 --> 00:00:48.037
It's men like you that
make this all worthwhile.

00:00:48.037 --> 00:00:50.023
- Aww, it's your first tattoo.

00:00:50.023 --> 00:00:51.694
Remind me again why I should care.

00:00:51.694 --> 00:00:52.981
- How long will it take?

00:00:52.981 --> 00:00:54.398
Well, that depends.

00:00:54.398 --> 00:00:55.699
Do you want this tattoo of your daughter

00:00:55.699 --> 00:00:57.115
to look like a smiley face,

00:00:57.115 --> 00:00:58.903
or are you gonna let me do my job?

00:00:58.903 --> 00:00:59.936
You're call, buddy.

00:00:59.936 --> 00:01:02.726
- Another drunk guy's bare ass cheek?

00:01:02.726 --> 00:01:04.359
Is it my birthday?

00:01:04.359 --> 00:01:05.555
Oh, did mine hurt?

00:01:05.555 --> 00:01:09.433
No, tattooists are a
superior alien life form,

00:01:09.433 --> 00:01:11.591
completely immune to thousands of needles

00:01:11.591 --> 00:01:13.183
piercing through the skin.

00:01:13.183 --> 00:01:14.668
Now it's your turn.

00:01:14.668 --> 00:01:16.271
- [Voiceover] You think
it's too expensive?

00:01:16.271 --> 00:01:17.687
I think my time is too.

00:01:17.687 --> 00:01:19.237
See ya!