- Is this a misleading headline to get you to tune in at 10?
- Tune in at 10 to learn that it is.
- Hi, I'm masculine name, and in between giving you
the local news, I'll gently be flirting with my
decades younger coworker, because I'm from a different time.
- We've got two experts from a think tank and one
person in the middle of their career,
let's go to them live right now.
- I'm only here to plug my book.
- I'm also a straight white male.
- I'm really worried that this appearance
is the peak of my career.
- I'm extremely good looking and better dressed
which means it's time for entertainment news.
You'll never guess what we found out about
a celebrity who hasn't done a decent movie
in over a decade, all while watching him
from an area that was creepy and definitely illegal
for us to be.
- I'm emphasizing strange words, not because
it conveys any part of the story,
but because this is how you expect us to speak.
- These moving graphics tricked your childish mind
into paying attention.
- Now gentleman, tell me more about fear.
- Ah yes, fear is what makes people watch.
- A southern state passed a law to make sure
everyone's clear they hate gay people.
- There was an explosion in a country
you assume is in the Middle East.
(arguing over each other)
- What movie, set in a foreign location with an all
white cast will you be seeing this summer?
- Scientists announce a vice you enjoy may be good
for you in quantities much smaller than
you consume it in.
Let me tell you a personal anecdote
that you don't care about.
(laughing)
- Earthquake destroys city in foreign country
that you'll forget about because not nearly
as bad will happen closer to home.
- Provocative question to put an unproven idea
into your head?
- Our choice of words indicate that this might
be true even though it's definitely not.
- Yelling like my job depends on it, because it does.
- Trying to get one thing--
- Yelling over you, so you can't talk.
- Also not letting him talk.
- Trying to just--
- The news lines below me are probably more important
but we're gonna talk about what gets ratings.
- Now let me say something inflammatory
that's gonna make everyone else react.
- [All] Oh.
- A sequel no one asked for is coming out this summer
and it will be trash.
- A major corporation issued a recall this evening
on a product of theirs that you won't even
check to see if it applies to you.
- A movie based on a book based on a comic book
about Hollywood not having any new ideas.
- Follow us on Twitter and wonder why you need
to tune in anyway.
- I don't think we've changed anybody's mind here.
Tune in tomorrow for the exact same shit.
- Fake chatter, fake chatter.
- Stacking papers, stacking papers.
- Fake chatters, fake chatter.
- Let's do dinner tonight.
- Absolutely not.
Fake chatter.
- Stacking papers, stacking papers, stacking papers.
(funky music)