WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.172 --> 00:00:02.610 - Is this a misleading headline to get you to tune in at 10? 00:00:02.610 --> 00:00:05.822 - Tune in at 10 to learn that it is. 00:00:05.822 --> 00:00:08.014 - Hi, I'm masculine name, and in between giving you 00:00:08.014 --> 00:00:10.455 the local news, I'll gently be flirting with my 00:00:10.455 --> 00:00:14.156 decades younger coworker, because I'm from a different time. 00:00:14.156 --> 00:00:15.446 - We've got two experts from a think tank and one 00:00:15.446 --> 00:00:17.584 person in the middle of their career, 00:00:17.584 --> 00:00:19.447 let's go to them live right now. 00:00:19.447 --> 00:00:20.688 - I'm only here to plug my book. 00:00:20.688 --> 00:00:22.528 - I'm also a straight white male. 00:00:22.528 --> 00:00:23.724 - I'm really worried that this appearance 00:00:23.724 --> 00:00:25.082 is the peak of my career. 00:00:25.082 --> 00:00:26.922 - I'm extremely good looking and better dressed 00:00:26.922 --> 00:00:30.648 which means it's time for entertainment news. 00:00:30.648 --> 00:00:32.235 You'll never guess what we found out about 00:00:32.235 --> 00:00:34.305 a celebrity who hasn't done a decent movie 00:00:34.305 --> 00:00:36.375 in over a decade, all while watching him 00:00:36.375 --> 00:00:39.295 from an area that was creepy and definitely illegal 00:00:39.295 --> 00:00:40.885 for us to be. 00:00:40.885 --> 00:00:43.676 - I'm emphasizing strange words, not because 00:00:43.676 --> 00:00:45.976 it conveys any part of the story, 00:00:45.976 --> 00:00:50.084 but because this is how you expect us to speak. 00:00:50.084 --> 00:00:51.714 - These moving graphics tricked your childish mind 00:00:51.714 --> 00:00:53.046 into paying attention. 00:00:53.046 --> 00:00:54.886 - Now gentleman, tell me more about fear. 00:00:54.886 --> 00:00:57.002 - Ah yes, fear is what makes people watch. 00:00:57.002 --> 00:00:58.774 - A southern state passed a law to make sure 00:00:58.774 --> 00:01:01.096 everyone's clear they hate gay people. 00:01:01.096 --> 00:01:02.544 - There was an explosion in a country 00:01:02.544 --> 00:01:04.568 you assume is in the Middle East. 00:01:04.568 --> 00:01:07.904 (arguing over each other) 00:01:07.904 --> 00:01:10.158 - What movie, set in a foreign location with an all 00:01:10.158 --> 00:01:12.481 white cast will you be seeing this summer? 00:01:12.481 --> 00:01:15.081 - Scientists announce a vice you enjoy may be good 00:01:15.081 --> 00:01:17.217 for you in quantities much smaller than 00:01:17.217 --> 00:01:18.438 you consume it in. 00:01:18.438 --> 00:01:20.049 Let me tell you a personal anecdote 00:01:20.049 --> 00:01:21.175 that you don't care about. 00:01:21.175 --> 00:01:22.692 (laughing) 00:01:22.692 --> 00:01:24.348 - Earthquake destroys city in foreign country 00:01:24.348 --> 00:01:26.327 that you'll forget about because not nearly 00:01:26.327 --> 00:01:28.397 as bad will happen closer to home. 00:01:28.397 --> 00:01:30.834 - Provocative question to put an unproven idea 00:01:30.834 --> 00:01:32.079 into your head? 00:01:32.079 --> 00:01:33.962 - Our choice of words indicate that this might 00:01:33.962 --> 00:01:36.699 be true even though it's definitely not. 00:01:36.699 --> 00:01:39.278 - Yelling like my job depends on it, because it does. 00:01:39.278 --> 00:01:40.265 - Trying to get one thing-- 00:01:40.265 --> 00:01:42.013 - Yelling over you, so you can't talk. 00:01:42.013 --> 00:01:43.553 - Also not letting him talk. 00:01:43.553 --> 00:01:44.386 - Trying to just-- 00:01:44.386 --> 00:01:46.291 - The news lines below me are probably more important 00:01:46.291 --> 00:01:48.315 but we're gonna talk about what gets ratings. 00:01:48.315 --> 00:01:49.970 - Now let me say something inflammatory 00:01:49.970 --> 00:01:51.650 that's gonna make everyone else react. 00:01:51.650 --> 00:01:52.800 - [All] Oh. 00:01:52.800 --> 00:01:54.618 - A sequel no one asked for is coming out this summer 00:01:54.618 --> 00:01:56.388 and it will be trash. 00:01:56.388 --> 00:01:58.734 - A major corporation issued a recall this evening 00:01:58.734 --> 00:02:00.873 on a product of theirs that you won't even 00:02:00.873 --> 00:02:02.345 check to see if it applies to you. 00:02:02.345 --> 00:02:04.829 - A movie based on a book based on a comic book 00:02:04.829 --> 00:02:07.544 about Hollywood not having any new ideas. 00:02:07.544 --> 00:02:09.411 - Follow us on Twitter and wonder why you need 00:02:09.411 --> 00:02:10.883 to tune in anyway. 00:02:10.883 --> 00:02:12.975 - I don't think we've changed anybody's mind here. 00:02:12.975 --> 00:02:15.757 Tune in tomorrow for the exact same shit. 00:02:15.757 --> 00:02:17.323 - Fake chatter, fake chatter. 00:02:17.323 --> 00:02:18.634 - Stacking papers, stacking papers. 00:02:18.634 --> 00:02:19.853 - Fake chatters, fake chatter. 00:02:19.853 --> 00:02:21.186 - Let's do dinner tonight. 00:02:21.186 --> 00:02:22.197 - Absolutely not. 00:02:22.197 --> 00:02:23.372 Fake chatter. 00:02:23.372 --> 00:02:27.539 - Stacking papers, stacking papers, stacking papers. 00:02:31.686 --> 00:02:34.186 (funky music)