WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.936 --> 00:00:01.826 - [Voiceover] This is a stressful day because 00:00:01.826 --> 00:00:03.262 it puts a lot of pressure on a relationship 00:00:03.262 --> 00:00:05.909 I'm still not sure I wanna be in. 00:00:05.909 --> 00:00:09.855 - I'm very impressed with myself that I got reservations. 00:00:09.855 --> 00:00:13.127 - You cannot afford this place. 00:00:13.127 --> 00:00:15.542 - But I'm gonna make this year very special 00:00:15.542 --> 00:00:17.152 so I can slack off in the future. 00:00:17.152 --> 00:00:18.433 - Realizing you will never understand 00:00:18.433 --> 00:00:20.626 how much money I actually spent to get ready tonight. 00:00:20.626 --> 00:00:24.969 - Oh, this menu is a lot more expensive than I expected 00:00:24.969 --> 00:00:27.209 and it doesn't include wine. 00:00:27.209 --> 00:00:31.017 - There's a $40 thong riding straight up my asshole. 00:00:31.017 --> 00:00:33.096 - Transferring money from my savings to my checking, 00:00:33.096 --> 00:00:35.667 just in case you want some wine. 00:00:35.667 --> 00:00:38.408 - Bullshit about wine. 00:00:38.408 --> 00:00:39.911 - Perfect. 00:00:39.911 --> 00:00:41.152 Calming my nerves 'cause I'm gonna 00:00:41.152 --> 00:00:43.126 tell you that I love you for the first time tonight, 00:00:43.126 --> 00:00:44.763 just to make this a little more special. 00:00:44.763 --> 00:00:45.470 - Hi guys. 00:00:45.470 --> 00:00:47.190 I will be making eye contact with both of you 00:00:47.190 --> 00:00:49.835 as I go over I very, very expensive prefix menu, 00:00:49.835 --> 00:00:52.134 which only contains two options. 00:00:52.134 --> 00:00:53.155 The reason we do that is we need 00:00:53.155 --> 00:00:54.374 to flip as many tables as possible, 00:00:54.374 --> 00:00:56.303 we need to make the most money we can tonight. 00:00:56.303 --> 00:00:58.182 I hate your love and I hate this holiday. 00:00:58.182 --> 00:00:58.950 Thanks so much. 00:00:58.950 --> 00:01:01.168 - Oh, needing a picture for social media 00:01:01.168 --> 00:01:03.105 to make all my friends jealous. 00:01:03.105 --> 00:01:05.194 - You wanna show the world our love. 00:01:05.194 --> 00:01:06.820 This is good. 00:01:06.820 --> 00:01:10.304 - Everyone here's having sex tonight but me. 00:01:10.304 --> 00:01:12.450 - Kelsey, I... 00:01:12.450 --> 00:01:14.818 - Oh my god, tell me I'm pretty. 00:01:14.818 --> 00:01:16.316 - Validation. 00:01:16.316 --> 00:01:19.322 I was gonna say that I... 00:01:19.322 --> 00:01:20.855 - I'm getting up to show the world 00:01:20.855 --> 00:01:24.152 how excited I am that my boyfriend just proposed to me! 00:01:24.152 --> 00:01:25.801 - We are so happy! 00:01:25.801 --> 00:01:26.997 (patrons clapping) 00:01:28.986 --> 00:01:30.623 - [In unison] We are seeking attention, 00:01:30.623 --> 00:01:33.792 we are seeking attention. 00:01:33.792 --> 00:01:35.835 - I'm trying not to play into every attribute 00:01:35.835 --> 00:01:37.890 of my stereotypical gender role, 00:01:37.890 --> 00:01:38.900 but these guys are making me feel 00:01:38.900 --> 00:01:41.142 so fucking feminine right now. 00:01:41.142 --> 00:01:42.952 - I feel so upstaged. 00:01:42.952 --> 00:01:45.332 - Being a stereotype. 00:01:45.332 --> 00:01:47.324 - We get it, you're happier than us. 00:01:47.324 --> 00:01:49.523 - You know what Kelsey, maybe this a good time. 00:01:49.523 --> 00:01:51.201 (wine glass shattering) 00:01:55.385 --> 00:01:56.420 - I love you. 00:01:56.420 --> 00:01:58.661 - I love you. 00:02:02.079 --> 00:02:03.557 - I'm cheating on you. 00:02:06.710 --> 00:02:09.435 - I wanted to say it first. 00:02:09.435 --> 00:02:11.403 - I'm just glad you said it back.