(relaxing music)
- Hi, I'm Hannah, your friendly neighborhood wine mom
and if you're anything like me,
you believe that a glass of wine at eight p.m.
every once in a while, don't get crazy,
makes you a better mom.
So pour yourself a glass and let's talk.
By the way, did you see we fixed the intro?
Tonight, we're drinking Rose.
I bought my Rose a little dress
because one of us should be fancy, am I right?
I just talked to my wine.
So there's something I've been dying to tell you guys
but first, you need a little bit of back story.
Both my kids go to daycare
and they go to a daycare near where I work
so I drop them off every morning
and every morning, I see this cute little old lady
and I smile and I wave hello
and every morning, she gives me this death glare
just like.
Whoa, this cute old lady, what the heck, man?
And I realized she's not looking at me.
She's looking at my hair because I have blue hair.
This is a hot topic on all the comments
on all of these videos too
so I figure it's a perfect time to talk about this.
Let's talk about the worst things about judgy parents.
So let's start off with what that old woman
was judging me for,
colored hair.
In every video ever that I'm in,
there's some commenter who says something like
ooh, she's a mom.
She shouldn't have blue hair.
My favorite color is blue
so when I dyed my hair blue,
it just unlocked this whole wave of confidence
and happiness and it benefits my kids so much more
to have a happy, confident mom.
So any moms out there with colored hair, this one's for you.
I got a wine mustache from that one.
Next, your age.
I was pretty young when I had my first
and I looked very young
so I would get all these strangers
at the park with their kids,
they'd come up to me and kneel down on my son's level
and be like, where is your dad?
Where is your dad?
I don't know.
What?
I got shit like, oh, was he planned?
Oh, we he an accident?
Is the dad still involved?
Who's business,
for people who are a little bit older,
they get the same thing like oh, aren't you tired?
Oh, don't you wish you had done it earlier
cause you wanted a second?
Since when did this become your business,
weird random stranger on the sidewalk?
I feel like people thought
they could ask me all this intrusive questions
because I did look young
and to them, the age that they had children
was the proper time.
So now when I see a young mom,
I will go over and be like, hey,
you want to come over and have some wine?
Are you even old enough to drink wine?
Can I see your ID?
Just come on over, let's have a glass of wine.
Next, something.
Blah.
Next, meltdowns in public.
I have two kids.
They are four and one and a half.
They're pretty bad ages for meltdowns
and it usually always happens at the grocery store.
My kids always meltdown.
What do you expect?
It's like character shit in every aisle.
So we go in one aisle and it's Spider-Man cereal.
You can't have that.
Go in the next aisle, it's Captain America Fruit Roll-Ups.
Not buying that for you.
Next aisle, they're selling Batman sugar bags.
Just bags of sugar with Batman on the front.
And so when they do, it's like what do you expect me to do?
Should I just leave me cart and leave?
We need groceries.
So why are these other parents looking at me
with a disapproving look and muttering,
oh, she should control her kids.
Usually, these parents are parents of children
who are well past the age of mine
so they don't really understand
or seem to remember what it was like.
We're not at a movie theater.
You're not paying to like
enjoy this experience at the grocery store.
We're all grocery shopping.
Chill out a little bit.
In this situation, parents should help each other out.
If you see me at the grocery store
with both of my kids melting,
just take one.
Have it.
It's yours.
Next, milestones.
There are certain parents,
it's usually the tiger mom type
who judge your child based on their milestones.
I got all this crap with my oldest son
because he was two and a half and he wasn't potty trained
and there were all these other moms who were like,
oh, he's still in pull-ups?
Ugh, ugh.
There are some parents who think that their child
should be potty trained by the age of six months
or something crazy like that
and it's cause they do this weird thing
where they hold them over the toilet
when they feel like they're about to crap or some,
it's, I don't even get it.
He's four now and he goes to the bathroom just fine.
It happens for each kid at their own time.
My kids' bowel movements have nothing to do with you
unless you would like to come clean them up for me.
You can judge all you want
as long as you wipe my kid's butt for me.
Next, childbirth.
There is a certain subset of moms who are going to judge you
for the way you gave birth.
They'll judge you if you had an epidural.
They'll judge you if you had a c-section.
They'll judge you if you had a water birth.
They'll judge you if you did it at home.
They'll judge you if you did it in the hospital.
They'll judge every single part about your birth
that's not the same as the way that they gave birth
which doesn't make any sense to me
because the kid's already out.
There's nothing we could do about it.
I can't shove it back in
and do it the way that you thought I should have.
So for both of my boys, they were very short labors.
It was extremely painful
and I walked right into the hospital being like,
drugs, drugs, drugs.
I got the epidural.
I did it in the hospital.
That's where I was comfortable
and there's always that one mom
who you tell them your birth experience and they're like,
oh, well, I had mine at home with no meds
like they're better than you.
We both got it out.
I don't care how yours came out.
I don't care where you were.
Why do you care where mine was?
If I see a baby, I'm not like,
hmm, I wonder how it came out of its mom's vagina?
I don't give a flying hoot about the birth plan.
Did I just say a flying hoot?
But the worst part about judgy parents
is that we're all judgy parents.
I'm judging judgy parents right now.
Y'all are gonna judge me in the comments.
You are gonna judge each other in the comments
so let's just all stop.
We're all on this crap rocket ride of parenthood.
Let's be nice to each other.
If you see something that you want to judge,
save it for something interesting
to tell your significant other.
Hey, guess what I saw?
Some dumby talking about judgy parents.
She was so dumb.
She had stupid hair.
Blah blah blah blah.
It's perfectly acceptable to be judgy
but it's not okay to be mean.
So that's all I got for today.
I'm Hannah, your friendly neighborhood wine mom.
It should be interesting to see the comments on this video.
Let's try to keep it nice
cause I read them, I appreciate them and as always,
if there's anything you want me to talk about,
leave it in the comments
and if you have something mean to say,
take that to Twitter because I don't have a Twitter
and I don't know how to use it.
So til next time.
(relaxing music)
Oh, big sip.