WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.212 - You've seen the mustard that looks 00:00:01.212 --> 00:00:02.478 like lots of little pebbles, sort of? 00:00:02.478 --> 00:00:03.639 - No! - We had it at lunch today. 00:00:03.639 --> 00:00:05.960 It was literally at lunch today, Kelsey! 00:00:05.960 --> 00:00:08.237 - I had ketchup, obviously! 00:00:10.112 --> 00:00:13.253 - Sweet. Comforting. Reliable. 00:00:13.722 --> 00:00:16.588 Complex. Varied. Challenging. 00:00:16.588 --> 00:00:17.751 Can you love 'em both? 00:00:17.751 --> 00:00:19.324 Of course you can. 00:00:19.324 --> 00:00:21.552 But maybe one's better than the other? 00:00:21.552 --> 00:00:22.609 Ketchup versus mustard. 00:00:22.609 --> 00:00:23.938 It's debatable. 00:00:23.938 --> 00:00:28.938 (dramatic orchestral music) 00:00:29.643 --> 00:00:31.861 - I am 100% Team Ketchup. 00:00:31.861 --> 00:00:32.616 - Team Mustard. 00:00:32.616 --> 00:00:33.220 - Ketchup. 00:00:33.220 --> 00:00:34.021 - I am for mustard. 00:00:34.021 --> 00:00:36.097 - My allegiance lies with ketchup. 00:00:36.097 --> 00:00:38.374 Hi, I'm Keith, and I'm not an idiot. 00:00:38.374 --> 00:00:41.448 (dramatic music) 00:00:41.448 --> 00:00:42.411 - You grow up with ketchup. 00:00:42.411 --> 00:00:43.828 You don't really grow up with mustard. 00:00:43.828 --> 00:00:46.464 Mustard is kind of more of an acquired taste than ketchup. 00:00:46.464 --> 00:00:49.401 - Yeah, all the best tastes are acquired tastes. 00:00:49.401 --> 00:00:52.722 - This is from food historian Andrew F. Smith: 00:00:52.722 --> 00:00:54.706 "Ketchup is a perfect balance of the five 00:00:54.706 --> 00:00:57.284 "fundamental tastes: salty, sweet, sour, 00:00:57.284 --> 00:00:59.140 "bitter, and umami." 00:00:59.140 --> 00:01:00.150 You're probably... - What does umami mean? 00:01:00.150 --> 00:01:01.439 - Umami? I'm not sure. 00:01:01.439 --> 00:01:02.821 It's a food science word. 00:01:02.821 --> 00:01:04.040 - You can put it on anything. 00:01:04.040 --> 00:01:05.166 - All kinds of savory things. 00:01:05.166 --> 00:01:06.547 - What can you put mustard on? 00:01:06.547 --> 00:01:08.764 One thing: hot dog! 00:01:08.764 --> 00:01:11.539 - First of all, you can't put ketchup on everything. 00:01:11.539 --> 00:01:13.002 You don't put ketchup in cereal. 00:01:13.002 --> 00:01:14.023 Let's just be clear. 00:01:14.023 --> 00:01:15.567 Mustard goes on sandwiches. 00:01:15.567 --> 00:01:16.728 It goes on pastrami. 00:01:16.728 --> 00:01:18.203 It goes on tons of stuff. 00:01:18.203 --> 00:01:19.363 - Kids love ketchup. 00:01:19.363 --> 00:01:21.105 - Here's why ketchup is for children: 00:01:21.105 --> 00:01:23.521 It helps children eat foods that they don't like. 00:01:23.521 --> 00:01:25.225 It's just there to cover up flavors 00:01:25.225 --> 00:01:26.806 that they haven't acquired yet. 00:01:26.806 --> 00:01:28.558 - Without this, I wouldn't have made 00:01:28.558 --> 00:01:31.901 movies in my backyard when I was 12, 00:01:31.901 --> 00:01:33.399 where people died. 00:01:33.399 --> 00:01:34.445 - Ketchup looks like blood. 00:01:34.445 --> 00:01:35.861 Mustard looks like pus. 00:01:35.861 --> 00:01:36.963 I have a video that's got - It looks like pus? 00:01:36.963 --> 00:01:38.866 - over three million views on YouTube 00:01:38.866 --> 00:01:41.722 in which I use mustard to make pus for a pimple. 00:01:41.722 --> 00:01:46.095 - I am very surprised you had a counter argument for that. 00:01:46.095 --> 00:01:47.731 - I know what ketchup is! 00:01:47.731 --> 00:01:48.927 It's a tomato. 00:01:48.927 --> 00:01:50.587 Da fuq is mustard? 00:01:50.587 --> 00:01:51.656 What is a mustard? 00:01:51.656 --> 00:01:52.630 - (laughing) It's a seed! 00:01:52.630 --> 00:01:55.694 (dramatic music) 00:01:55.694 --> 00:01:57.506 - Ketchup is not a category of food. 00:01:57.506 --> 00:01:59.771 Ketchup is just one sad thing 00:01:59.771 --> 00:02:01.535 that's consumed by sad people. 00:02:01.535 --> 00:02:04.286 - Who's eaten more of their condiment during this battle? 00:02:04.286 --> 00:02:06.028 I've eaten way more mustard than Chris 00:02:06.028 --> 00:02:08.673 has eaten ketchup, because I love mustard, 00:02:08.673 --> 00:02:10.941 (laughing) and he hates ketchup. 00:02:11.761 --> 00:02:13.091 - Mmm! Umami. 00:02:13.091 --> 00:02:14.599 I taste the umami. 00:02:14.599 --> 00:02:15.899 - Now I know your entire character 00:02:15.899 --> 00:02:18.292 here at Buzzfeed is the girl who indulges 00:02:18.292 --> 00:02:19.569 in things that's bad for them, 00:02:19.569 --> 00:02:21.019 and I don't give a shit. 00:02:21.019 --> 00:02:23.458 It's sort of run its course, I think by now, 00:02:23.458 --> 00:02:25.048 and ketchup is for children. 00:02:25.048 --> 00:02:26.256 It's what you give children because 00:02:26.256 --> 00:02:28.056 it's sugar, salt, and tomato. 00:02:28.056 --> 00:02:29.192 - Delicious things. 00:02:29.192 --> 00:02:30.736 - It's an ancient condiment. 00:02:30.736 --> 00:02:32.188 - Mustard can be traced back to 00:02:32.188 --> 00:02:33.872 Ancient Greece, to France. 00:02:33.872 --> 00:02:35.473 - I think the Romans invented it. 00:02:35.473 --> 00:02:36.750 - Are you sure about that? 00:02:36.750 --> 00:02:37.388 - I'm pretty sure. 00:02:37.388 --> 00:02:38.874 - They also ate so much that they would 00:02:38.874 --> 00:02:41.348 throw up, and then eat again, so... 00:02:41.348 --> 00:02:43.576 - That's actually a misconception. 00:02:43.576 --> 00:02:44.354 It's not true. 00:02:44.354 --> 00:02:45.329 - Are you sure about that? 00:02:45.329 --> 00:02:47.395 - Yeah, I made a video about it. 00:02:47.395 --> 00:02:48.127 - Oh my god. 00:02:48.127 --> 00:02:50.076 - You know what's not on a charcuterie tray? 00:02:50.076 --> 00:02:51.749 Fucking ketchup, because ketchup 00:02:51.749 --> 00:02:53.432 is worthless, and not worth your 00:02:53.432 --> 00:02:55.174 expensive ingredients to dip into. 00:02:55.174 --> 00:02:56.172 - Ugh, this sounds like... 00:02:56.172 --> 00:02:57.773 what's that thing where you're racist 00:02:57.773 --> 00:02:59.027 towards class? 00:02:59.027 --> 00:02:59.956 - Classist. 00:02:59.956 --> 00:03:01.988 - That sounds like what mustard is. 00:03:01.988 --> 00:03:05.133 (dramatic orchestral music) 00:03:05.133 --> 00:03:06.353 - Andy Warhol once said, "All Cokes 00:03:06.353 --> 00:03:08.791 "are the same, and all Cokes are good." 00:03:08.791 --> 00:03:11.066 And that's kinda how I feel about ketchup. 00:03:11.066 --> 00:03:12.424 Yeah, it's all the same. - He wasn't talking 00:03:12.424 --> 00:03:14.513 about ketchup, he was talking about Coke! 00:03:14.513 --> 00:03:17.114 - If you want to grow up, and enjoy actual flavor, 00:03:17.114 --> 00:03:20.794 there's a yellow seed out there for you. 00:03:20.794 --> 00:03:22.548 - Ketchup is a nostalgic food. 00:03:22.548 --> 00:03:23.965 It's from when you were a kid. 00:03:23.965 --> 00:03:25.345 So it gives you nice, warm feelings 00:03:25.345 --> 00:03:26.668 about being a child. 00:03:26.668 --> 00:03:28.248 - So, like, boogers and worms. 00:03:28.248 --> 00:03:33.010 (dramatic orchestral music) 00:03:34.470 --> 00:03:35.707 - Ketchup is everything. 00:03:35.707 --> 00:03:36.981 We are all ketchup. 00:03:38.201 --> 00:03:39.323 Somebody in the comments tell me 00:03:39.323 --> 00:03:41.511 what umami is. 00:03:43.466 --> 00:03:45.045 - It's here! It's here. 00:03:45.045 --> 00:03:46.286 - (speaking together) It's here! 00:03:46.286 --> 00:03:48.056 - It's here, it's here, it's here. 00:03:48.056 --> 00:03:49.016 - It's here. - It's here. 00:03:49.026 --> 00:03:49.586 - Get it. 00:03:49.586 --> 00:03:50.064 - Get it. 00:03:50.064 --> 00:03:50.738 - Get it. 00:03:50.738 --> 00:03:51.179 - There, 00:03:51.179 --> 00:03:51.782 (laughing) 00:03:51.782 --> 00:03:53.047 - I think they got it. 00:03:53.047 --> 00:03:53.767 Get it! 00:03:53.767 --> 00:03:54.556 - Yeah. - You get it. 00:03:54.556 --> 00:03:56.594 - It's here.