- So today I'm making my mum's Tinder profile.
(tense music)
(laughing)
- Oh dear, this is a bit nerve racking.
- What should we say to Ray?
Ray, I love your body.
- No, nice smile.
Tan, please don't put the body.
- Okay.
- Thank you.
- Have another sip of that.
(gonging)
- This guy is talking sexual.
(classical music)
- I'm pretty sure I know exactly what my mum
is after in someone.
- I'm very apprehensive about this.
- I'm confident that I'm going to make my mum's
Tinder profile epic because I know Tinder
and I'm a Tinder expert as sad as that sounds.
- To finding the love of our lives or nights.
- Okay.
Cheers.
- [Nick] Are you ready?
- Not really.
- All right, let's go.
- Be good.
- Okay, let's do this thing.
- All righty.
So this your main Facebook photo.
- Yeah.
- It's a nice photo.
- You took that, Nick.
- I did take that.
- Yeah, how good is that.
- I'm already wing-manning my mum.
- That's great.
I like that.
You look friendly here.
- There's one of you.
There's one of you.
- Let's go for ones with just you.
- So many of your profile photos are just cats.
- You don't have many photos of yourself.
- No, I'm not like you, Nick.
- Savage, okay.
How about you take a selfie?
- I have to take a selfie?
- Yup.
Okay.
- Nick, today?
- Maybe do a bit of a duck face.
Like prune.
- No, I don't like that.
- [Nick] Fine, okay, so.
- That'll have to do.
- Oh my God, look at you here with pussycat ears on.
- That was a French festival I went to.
I dressed up as Catwoman.
A lot of guys don't like cats.
- But you don't want a guy that doesn't like cats.
- No, he's got to like cats.
That's a must.
- I think we should keep this here but maybe not
as the second photo because you don't want to scream kink.
- What about you with the akubra?
- That's some way to go.
- Now, about Tammy, hmmm.
- Here we go.
- Must be honest and loyal, no time wasters.
Should I include in brackets, my daughter will
kill you if you fuck with me?
Let's do that.
- You'll scare them away.
- [Helen] You be nice.
- G'day fellas.
- [Helen] Oh, Nick, don't write that.
Oh dear, this is what I was afraid of.
- Name's Helen.
My interests include my son Nick.
- Won't that be a turn off?
- Now we can choose their gender if you want
just men or both.
- Men only.
(laughs)
- Okay, your loss.
- The more effort I put into this, the more there's
going to be random guys freaking talking to you on Tinder.
It's like my worst nightmare.
- [Tan] Let's say 35.
- No, no, no, no, no.
That's too young.
- Have you ever heard the expression, YOLO?
- No.
- [Nick] All right, are you ready?
So it's searching.
- Let's start swiping, Mum.
- Oh, okay.
- [Helen] Woah!
- That is the most pixelated photo I've ever seen
and he has the same name as my dad.
(groaning)
- No.
- Turn off. - [Nick] Fuck you.
- "Have been single for awhile," don't admit that, bro.
- Not a good sign.
- Nope. - [Nick] Nope.
Nope. - [Helen] Nope.
Oh no!
- He has a beard.
- Everything about this guy, I fucking hate.
- And a daughter with snot coming out of her nose.
- That's weird.
- This guy has cut his kid out of the photo.
- You know when they show you photos of murderers
in the papers or on the news?
This is the guy.
- I don't trust his face.
I kind of want to punch it, actually.
- It's so funny, we both like the same.
- We have the same taste in 55 year old men.
Wow.
- All these guys are just not good enough
for you, Mum.
- We got a match!
- No!
- We got a match!
- No!
- That was too quick.
I created Mum's profile five minutes ago.
This guy sits on Tinder.
- Can I just have a look at him again?
- Oh my God.
We have just found the cowboy of her dreams.
A softy for animals.
He doesn't smoke.
I want him to be my dad.
- There we go.
That guy's dreamy as fuck.
- Back, back.
- I think I'm in love with him.
I'm going to send a message.
- No! No! No!
- Yeah.
(gasps)
- What happened?
What's that mean?
- We have a match.
- Oh, okay, what does that mean?
- What's a good opener for Gavin?
Now I'm really nervous because I like Gavin.
I like the look of Gavin.
- You're nervous?
- I'm nervous.
- Oh my God.
- What?
- We have a match with Neb.
- Who's Neb?
- How's it hanging?
- No!
- Oh my God, Mum, you're killing it.
Mum just matched with a guy who has the body
of a Trojan horse.
- This guy is talking sexual.
Gavin is asking where my mum lives.
I'm just going to go, "Woah. Slow down."
- This guy's cute. - [Tammy] Yeah, he is.
- Baba, Baba in Lebanese means father.
I think it's a sign.
- Wow, we matched.
- Mum, see, how do you feel?
You're matching with all these babes.
It's fun, right?
- It gives me confidence.
- Yeah.
- Well, if you don't share where you live,
our chat may be short.
What the fuck's this guy?
Good.
No, I hate this guy.
See you later, fuckboy.
- He's asked, "How are you?"
I'm going to say, "I'm better now."
- No, Tan, that's what are we?
In a strip joint?
- That's how I speak to people in strip joints.
- Fucking hate men.
- Like 10 men want to meet up with you.
Do we have whiskey?
- That ideal guy that I wanted to find
for my mum isn't on there.
- We haven't even spoken to some of the matches.
We have no time to speak to all these men.
There we go, Mum.
You have two dates.
- Thank you.
- I'm sorry, Tinder's not going to work out.
- Fine by me, Nick.
- How good a guy is this guy?
I want his criminal record.
I need to know everything about him.
You fuck with her and you're dead.