WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.651 --> 00:00:03.106 - So today I'm making my mum's Tinder profile. 00:00:03.106 --> 00:00:05.628 (tense music) 00:00:05.628 --> 00:00:07.028 (laughing) 00:00:07.028 --> 00:00:08.674 - Oh dear, this is a bit nerve racking. 00:00:08.674 --> 00:00:10.203 - What should we say to Ray? 00:00:10.203 --> 00:00:11.819 Ray, I love your body. 00:00:11.819 --> 00:00:13.457 - No, nice smile. 00:00:13.457 --> 00:00:16.342 Tan, please don't put the body. 00:00:16.342 --> 00:00:17.796 - Okay. 00:00:17.796 --> 00:00:18.751 - Thank you. 00:00:18.751 --> 00:00:20.221 - Have another sip of that. 00:00:20.221 --> 00:00:21.614 (gonging) 00:00:21.614 --> 00:00:24.352 - This guy is talking sexual. 00:00:24.352 --> 00:00:27.249 (classical music) 00:00:27.249 --> 00:00:28.864 - I'm pretty sure I know exactly what my mum 00:00:28.864 --> 00:00:30.816 is after in someone. 00:00:30.816 --> 00:00:32.890 - I'm very apprehensive about this. 00:00:32.890 --> 00:00:34.783 - I'm confident that I'm going to make my mum's 00:00:34.783 --> 00:00:37.266 Tinder profile epic because I know Tinder 00:00:37.266 --> 00:00:39.851 and I'm a Tinder expert as sad as that sounds. 00:00:39.851 --> 00:00:43.273 - To finding the love of our lives or nights. 00:00:43.273 --> 00:00:44.106 - Okay. 00:00:44.106 --> 00:00:44.939 Cheers. 00:00:44.939 --> 00:00:46.002 - [Nick] Are you ready? 00:00:46.002 --> 00:00:46.973 - Not really. 00:00:46.973 --> 00:00:48.065 - All right, let's go. 00:00:48.065 --> 00:00:48.898 - Be good. 00:00:48.898 --> 00:00:50.158 - Okay, let's do this thing. 00:00:50.158 --> 00:00:50.991 - All righty. 00:00:50.991 --> 00:00:52.874 So this your main Facebook photo. 00:00:52.874 --> 00:00:53.707 - Yeah. 00:00:53.707 --> 00:00:54.540 - It's a nice photo. 00:00:54.540 --> 00:00:55.376 - You took that, Nick. 00:00:55.376 --> 00:00:56.209 - I did take that. 00:00:56.209 --> 00:00:57.861 - Yeah, how good is that. 00:00:57.861 --> 00:00:59.493 - I'm already wing-manning my mum. 00:00:59.493 --> 00:01:01.006 - That's great. 00:01:01.006 --> 00:01:01.897 I like that. 00:01:01.897 --> 00:01:03.062 You look friendly here. 00:01:03.062 --> 00:01:04.567 - There's one of you. 00:01:04.567 --> 00:01:05.709 There's one of you. 00:01:05.709 --> 00:01:06.716 There's one of you. 00:01:06.716 --> 00:01:08.335 - Let's go for ones with just you. 00:01:08.335 --> 00:01:11.215 - So many of your profile photos are just cats. 00:01:11.215 --> 00:01:12.739 - You don't have many photos of yourself. 00:01:12.739 --> 00:01:14.133 - No, I'm not like you, Nick. 00:01:14.133 --> 00:01:15.598 - Savage, okay. 00:01:15.598 --> 00:01:16.788 How about you take a selfie? 00:01:16.788 --> 00:01:17.813 - I have to take a selfie? 00:01:17.813 --> 00:01:19.012 - Yup. 00:01:19.012 --> 00:01:19.845 Okay. 00:01:19.845 --> 00:01:21.223 - Nick, today? 00:01:21.223 --> 00:01:23.484 - Maybe do a bit of a duck face. 00:01:23.484 --> 00:01:24.800 Like prune. 00:01:24.800 --> 00:01:25.885 - No, I don't like that. 00:01:25.885 --> 00:01:27.885 - [Nick] Fine, okay, so. 00:01:29.085 --> 00:01:30.656 - That'll have to do. 00:01:30.656 --> 00:01:33.207 - Oh my God, look at you here with pussycat ears on. 00:01:33.207 --> 00:01:35.596 - That was a French festival I went to. 00:01:35.596 --> 00:01:37.335 I dressed up as Catwoman. 00:01:37.335 --> 00:01:38.789 A lot of guys don't like cats. 00:01:38.789 --> 00:01:40.275 - But you don't want a guy that doesn't like cats. 00:01:40.275 --> 00:01:41.322 - No, he's got to like cats. 00:01:41.322 --> 00:01:42.203 That's a must. 00:01:42.203 --> 00:01:43.822 - I think we should keep this here but maybe not 00:01:43.822 --> 00:01:47.208 as the second photo because you don't want to scream kink. 00:01:47.208 --> 00:01:48.698 - What about you with the akubra? 00:01:48.698 --> 00:01:50.820 - That's some way to go. 00:01:50.820 --> 00:01:53.461 - Now, about Tammy, hmmm. 00:01:53.461 --> 00:01:55.060 - Here we go. 00:01:55.060 --> 00:01:58.727 - Must be honest and loyal, no time wasters. 00:02:00.174 --> 00:02:01.868 Should I include in brackets, my daughter will 00:02:01.868 --> 00:02:04.285 kill you if you fuck with me? 00:02:05.421 --> 00:02:06.562 Let's do that. 00:02:06.562 --> 00:02:07.762 - You'll scare them away. 00:02:07.762 --> 00:02:08.863 - [Helen] You be nice. 00:02:08.863 --> 00:02:09.725 - G'day fellas. 00:02:09.725 --> 00:02:11.097 - [Helen] Oh, Nick, don't write that. 00:02:11.097 --> 00:02:13.175 Oh dear, this is what I was afraid of. 00:02:13.175 --> 00:02:14.624 - Name's Helen. 00:02:14.624 --> 00:02:17.374 My interests include my son Nick. 00:02:18.319 --> 00:02:19.436 - Won't that be a turn off? 00:02:19.436 --> 00:02:21.571 - Now we can choose their gender if you want 00:02:21.571 --> 00:02:22.988 just men or both. 00:02:26.013 --> 00:02:27.387 - Men only. 00:02:27.387 --> 00:02:28.604 (laughs) 00:02:28.604 --> 00:02:29.675 - Okay, your loss. 00:02:29.675 --> 00:02:31.322 - The more effort I put into this, the more there's 00:02:31.322 --> 00:02:34.631 going to be random guys freaking talking to you on Tinder. 00:02:34.631 --> 00:02:36.261 It's like my worst nightmare. 00:02:36.261 --> 00:02:38.637 - [Tan] Let's say 35. 00:02:38.637 --> 00:02:39.817 - No, no, no, no, no. 00:02:39.817 --> 00:02:41.148 That's too young. 00:02:41.148 --> 00:02:43.928 - Have you ever heard the expression, YOLO? 00:02:43.928 --> 00:02:44.784 - No. 00:02:44.784 --> 00:02:45.759 - [Nick] All right, are you ready? 00:02:45.759 --> 00:02:46.643 So it's searching. 00:02:46.643 --> 00:02:48.201 - Let's start swiping, Mum. 00:02:48.201 --> 00:02:49.179 - Oh, okay. 00:02:49.179 --> 00:02:50.496 - [Helen] Woah! 00:02:50.496 --> 00:02:53.180 - That is the most pixelated photo I've ever seen 00:02:53.180 --> 00:02:56.509 and he has the same name as my dad. 00:02:56.509 --> 00:02:57.876 (groaning) 00:02:57.876 --> 00:02:59.239 - No. 00:02:59.239 --> 00:03:00.520 - Turn off. - [Nick] Fuck you. 00:03:00.520 --> 00:03:02.977 - "Have been single for awhile," don't admit that, bro. 00:03:02.977 --> 00:03:03.907 - Not a good sign. 00:03:03.907 --> 00:03:04.740 - Nope. - [Nick] Nope. 00:03:04.740 --> 00:03:05.573 Nope. - [Helen] Nope. 00:03:05.573 --> 00:03:06.434 Oh no! 00:03:06.434 --> 00:03:07.267 - He has a beard. 00:03:07.267 --> 00:03:08.795 - Everything about this guy, I fucking hate. 00:03:08.795 --> 00:03:11.607 - And a daughter with snot coming out of her nose. 00:03:11.607 --> 00:03:12.440 - That's weird. 00:03:12.440 --> 00:03:14.728 - This guy has cut his kid out of the photo. 00:03:14.728 --> 00:03:16.814 - You know when they show you photos of murderers 00:03:16.814 --> 00:03:18.519 in the papers or on the news? 00:03:18.519 --> 00:03:19.425 This is the guy. 00:03:19.425 --> 00:03:20.644 - I don't trust his face. 00:03:20.644 --> 00:03:22.798 I kind of want to punch it, actually. 00:03:22.798 --> 00:03:24.572 - It's so funny, we both like the same. 00:03:24.572 --> 00:03:27.180 - We have the same taste in 55 year old men. 00:03:27.180 --> 00:03:28.639 Wow. 00:03:28.639 --> 00:03:30.087 - All these guys are just not good enough 00:03:30.087 --> 00:03:30.983 for you, Mum. 00:03:30.983 --> 00:03:33.026 - We got a match! 00:03:33.026 --> 00:03:34.056 - No! 00:03:34.056 --> 00:03:34.900 - We got a match! 00:03:34.900 --> 00:03:35.733 - No! 00:03:35.733 --> 00:03:36.609 - That was too quick. 00:03:36.609 --> 00:03:38.513 I created Mum's profile five minutes ago. 00:03:38.513 --> 00:03:40.513 This guy sits on Tinder. 00:03:41.594 --> 00:03:43.212 - Can I just have a look at him again? 00:03:43.212 --> 00:03:44.212 - Oh my God. 00:03:46.037 --> 00:03:49.952 We have just found the cowboy of her dreams. 00:03:49.952 --> 00:03:51.493 A softy for animals. 00:03:51.493 --> 00:03:52.910 He doesn't smoke. 00:03:54.469 --> 00:03:56.277 I want him to be my dad. 00:03:56.277 --> 00:03:57.477 - There we go. 00:03:57.477 --> 00:03:59.650 That guy's dreamy as fuck. 00:03:59.650 --> 00:04:00.796 - Back, back. 00:04:00.796 --> 00:04:02.050 - I think I'm in love with him. 00:04:02.050 --> 00:04:02.883 I'm going to send a message. 00:04:02.883 --> 00:04:04.210 - No! No! No! 00:04:04.210 --> 00:04:05.076 - Yeah. 00:04:05.076 --> 00:04:06.805 (gasps) 00:04:06.805 --> 00:04:07.638 - What happened? 00:04:07.638 --> 00:04:08.471 What's that mean? 00:04:08.471 --> 00:04:09.659 - We have a match. 00:04:09.659 --> 00:04:11.933 - Oh, okay, what does that mean? 00:04:11.933 --> 00:04:12.997 - What's a good opener for Gavin? 00:04:12.997 --> 00:04:15.073 Now I'm really nervous because I like Gavin. 00:04:15.073 --> 00:04:16.018 I like the look of Gavin. 00:04:16.018 --> 00:04:16.851 - You're nervous? 00:04:16.851 --> 00:04:17.684 - I'm nervous. 00:04:17.684 --> 00:04:18.676 - Oh my God. 00:04:18.676 --> 00:04:19.509 - What? 00:04:19.509 --> 00:04:21.131 - We have a match with Neb. 00:04:21.131 --> 00:04:22.140 - Who's Neb? 00:04:22.140 --> 00:04:24.200 - How's it hanging? 00:04:24.200 --> 00:04:25.033 - No! 00:04:25.033 --> 00:04:27.576 - Oh my God, Mum, you're killing it. 00:04:27.576 --> 00:04:30.260 Mum just matched with a guy who has the body 00:04:30.260 --> 00:04:31.760 of a Trojan horse. 00:04:33.091 --> 00:04:34.700 - This guy is talking sexual. 00:04:34.700 --> 00:04:37.668 Gavin is asking where my mum lives. 00:04:37.668 --> 00:04:39.316 I'm just going to go, "Woah. Slow down." 00:04:39.316 --> 00:04:40.549 - This guy's cute. - [Tammy] Yeah, he is. 00:04:40.549 --> 00:04:43.297 - Baba, Baba in Lebanese means father. 00:04:43.297 --> 00:04:44.964 I think it's a sign. 00:04:45.842 --> 00:04:47.018 - Wow, we matched. 00:04:47.018 --> 00:04:49.140 - Mum, see, how do you feel? 00:04:49.140 --> 00:04:50.944 You're matching with all these babes. 00:04:50.944 --> 00:04:51.892 It's fun, right? 00:04:51.892 --> 00:04:53.073 - It gives me confidence. 00:04:53.073 --> 00:04:53.906 - Yeah. 00:04:53.906 --> 00:04:55.191 - Well, if you don't share where you live, 00:04:55.191 --> 00:04:57.129 our chat may be short. 00:04:57.129 --> 00:04:58.423 What the fuck's this guy? 00:04:58.423 --> 00:04:59.256 Good. 00:04:59.256 --> 00:05:00.303 No, I hate this guy. 00:05:00.303 --> 00:05:02.369 See you later, fuckboy. 00:05:02.369 --> 00:05:03.960 - He's asked, "How are you?" 00:05:03.960 --> 00:05:05.794 I'm going to say, "I'm better now." 00:05:05.794 --> 00:05:08.554 - No, Tan, that's what are we? 00:05:08.554 --> 00:05:10.044 In a strip joint? 00:05:10.044 --> 00:05:12.848 - That's how I speak to people in strip joints. 00:05:12.848 --> 00:05:13.847 - Fucking hate men. 00:05:13.847 --> 00:05:17.089 - Like 10 men want to meet up with you. 00:05:17.089 --> 00:05:18.486 Do we have whiskey? 00:05:18.486 --> 00:05:20.021 - That ideal guy that I wanted to find 00:05:20.021 --> 00:05:21.618 for my mum isn't on there. 00:05:21.618 --> 00:05:23.797 - We haven't even spoken to some of the matches. 00:05:23.797 --> 00:05:26.603 We have no time to speak to all these men. 00:05:26.603 --> 00:05:27.489 There we go, Mum. 00:05:27.489 --> 00:05:29.317 You have two dates. 00:05:29.317 --> 00:05:31.005 - Thank you. 00:05:31.005 --> 00:05:32.795 - I'm sorry, Tinder's not going to work out. 00:05:32.795 --> 00:05:34.014 - Fine by me, Nick. 00:05:34.014 --> 00:05:35.454 - How good a guy is this guy? 00:05:35.454 --> 00:05:36.782 I want his criminal record. 00:05:36.782 --> 00:05:38.795 I need to know everything about him. 00:05:38.795 --> 00:05:41.628 You fuck with her and you're dead.