WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.695
(helicopter blades whirring)

00:00:00.695 --> 00:00:02.006
- Come on, move it!

00:00:02.006 --> 00:00:03.327
You call yourself a lesbian?

00:00:03.327 --> 00:00:07.817
Faster, faster than
your last relationship!

00:00:07.817 --> 00:00:10.125
Congratulations on finally coming out.

00:00:10.125 --> 00:00:11.954
Now it's time for the real work to begin.

00:00:11.954 --> 00:00:13.094
Some of you have been dreaming

00:00:13.094 --> 00:00:15.064
about this moment since you were little,

00:00:15.064 --> 00:00:16.508
some of you have recently discovered

00:00:16.508 --> 00:00:18.126
that this is your calling.

00:00:18.126 --> 00:00:20.693
I see we have a gold star in the bunch.

00:00:20.693 --> 00:00:21.523
Recruit.

00:00:21.523 --> 00:00:22.427
- Ma'am, yes ma'am.

00:00:22.427 --> 00:00:25.017
- Show me your hand.

00:00:25.017 --> 00:00:26.362
- Disgusting!

00:00:26.362 --> 00:00:28.835
Ellen did not come out
on national television

00:00:28.835 --> 00:00:31.772
for you to Edward Scissorhands
an innocent vagina!

00:00:31.772 --> 00:00:34.213
I bet none of you even
have U-Haul on speed dial.

00:00:34.213 --> 00:00:36.195
- [all] Ma'am, no ma'am.

00:00:36.195 --> 00:00:37.802
- This is worse than I thought.

00:00:37.802 --> 00:00:38.747
(intense music)

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The ladies will thank you later for this.

00:00:40.761 --> 00:00:42.454
- (grunts) I haven't sweat this much since

00:00:42.454 --> 00:00:44.262
the last Tegan and Sara concert.

00:00:44.262 --> 00:00:45.806
(licking)

00:00:45.806 --> 00:00:46.781
- Don't question it, ladies,

00:00:46.781 --> 00:00:49.050
you'll be thanking me for this later.

00:00:49.050 --> 00:00:51.251
Keep the eye contact, keep it!

00:00:51.251 --> 00:00:53.424
- I can't, I can't do it.

00:00:53.424 --> 00:00:55.863
- It is 9:00 PM on a
Saturday in West Hollywood.

00:00:55.863 --> 00:00:57.488
You have a date tonight.

00:00:57.488 --> 00:00:59.256
You want to make a good first impression.

00:00:59.256 --> 00:01:01.064
What do you wear?

00:01:01.064 --> 00:01:05.005
(alarm blares)

00:01:05.005 --> 00:01:06.265
(whip cracks)

00:01:06.265 --> 00:01:10.636
- [Drill seargeant] Okay, love that shade.

00:01:10.636 --> 00:01:14.983
I expected more from you, Gold Star.

00:01:14.983 --> 00:01:18.813
(intense action music)

00:01:18.813 --> 00:01:19.715
- (bleep)-ing bush.

00:01:19.715 --> 00:01:22.702
- Alright, ladies, this man
is trying to hit on you.

00:01:22.702 --> 00:01:24.388
What do you do?

00:01:24.388 --> 00:01:25.851
- Eh, I bet you just haven't
had the right dick yet.

00:01:25.851 --> 00:01:26.994
(thudding, grunts)

00:01:26.994 --> 00:01:28.959
You're too hot to be gay,
wanna come back to my place?

00:01:28.959 --> 00:01:29.996
- Just like vag-etarian!

00:01:29.996 --> 00:01:31.682
- My girlfriend and me
are looking for a third--

00:01:31.682 --> 00:01:35.908
(thudding)
(cheering)

00:01:35.908 --> 00:01:38.549
- Alright, ladies, you've
still got a lot to learn,

00:01:38.549 --> 00:01:40.642
but I think you've about
covered the basics.

00:01:40.642 --> 00:01:41.901
You deserve this.

00:01:41.901 --> 00:01:43.791
(clinking)

00:01:43.791 --> 00:01:45.355
- Ugh, it's so bitter.

00:01:45.355 --> 00:01:48.363
- [Seargeant] You'll get used to it.

00:01:48.363 --> 00:01:53.363
(intense, upbeat music)