WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.427 --> 00:00:03.497 (medieval flute music) 00:00:03.497 --> 00:00:06.813 - And with one kiss, I'll be united with my one true love. 00:00:11.158 --> 00:00:11.764 Oh. 00:00:11.764 --> 00:00:13.552 - My princess, you're more beautiful 00:00:13.552 --> 00:00:15.198 than I could've ever imagined. 00:00:15.198 --> 00:00:16.478 - Cool, thanks. 00:00:16.478 --> 00:00:17.433 - I'm yours forever. 00:00:17.433 --> 00:00:19.180 - Like forever, forever? 00:00:19.180 --> 00:00:21.124 - Ride with me to Glendalia. 00:00:21.124 --> 00:00:23.642 Your castle and our marital chambers await. 00:00:23.642 --> 00:00:28.204 - Yeah, I'm good actually. 00:00:28.204 --> 00:00:29.907 Yeah I've got a thing with a troll later, 00:00:29.907 --> 00:00:31.126 he's trying to put a hex on my sister, 00:00:31.126 --> 00:00:32.444 it's like a whole thing. 00:00:32.444 --> 00:00:34.194 - But we must be married at once. 00:00:37.034 --> 00:00:39.009 Am I not the noble you so desired? 00:00:41.089 --> 00:00:42.910 Is it me? 00:00:42.910 --> 00:00:46.608 - No, well, yeah, kind of. 00:00:46.608 --> 00:00:48.579 - Let me prove my love to you. 00:00:48.579 --> 00:00:50.996 My kiss will speak louder than words. 00:00:50.996 --> 00:00:52.195 - Okay. 00:00:53.925 --> 00:00:56.561 No, I can't, I'm sorry. 00:00:56.561 --> 00:00:58.550 I'm super duper gay. 00:00:58.550 --> 00:01:00.663 - You don't want to be with me? 00:01:00.663 --> 00:01:05.239 - I mean it's not you, you, it's just like... you. 00:01:05.239 --> 00:01:07.051 - So I'm just not your type? 00:01:07.051 --> 00:01:08.595 - Yeah you could say that. 00:01:08.595 --> 00:01:12.112 - Well, what would be your type? 00:01:12.112 --> 00:01:13.650 - Like, Rapunzel. 00:01:13.650 --> 00:01:15.295 - I can grow my hair out. 00:01:15.295 --> 00:01:18.323 - And that's so sweet of you to offer, 00:01:18.323 --> 00:01:23.055 I just need certain places to be... 00:01:23.055 --> 00:01:27.565 gentler, rounder. 00:01:27.565 --> 00:01:29.009 - Maybe you just need to get drunk 00:01:29.009 --> 00:01:31.133 on the king's finest wine. 00:01:31.133 --> 00:01:33.865 - Yeah, drinking makes me gayer, actually. 00:01:36.735 --> 00:01:38.701 - Maybe we could just be good friends 00:01:38.701 --> 00:01:43.503 for seven to nine months and let the romantic tension build? 00:01:43.503 --> 00:01:46.380 - Yeah I don't think that's gonna happen, buddy. 00:01:48.090 --> 00:01:50.342 (sword clangs) 00:01:50.342 --> 00:01:51.988 Hey... 00:01:53.978 --> 00:01:57.175 There there, come on champ. 00:02:00.155 --> 00:02:04.727 Look, you seem great, you're objectively handsome, polite. 00:02:04.727 --> 00:02:07.960 I just hoped that when I finally got to kiss my frog 00:02:07.960 --> 00:02:09.867 that the person that popped up would have less of a... 00:02:09.867 --> 00:02:11.553 - A penis - A penis, yeah. 00:02:13.493 --> 00:02:15.901 I'm sorry about all this, I hope 00:02:15.901 --> 00:02:17.283 you weren't a frog for too long. 00:02:17.283 --> 00:02:20.658 - Oh, a century or two. 00:02:20.658 --> 00:02:22.329 - Bummer. 00:02:22.329 --> 00:02:25.105 - I've never encountered lady who lays with maidens. 00:02:25.105 --> 00:02:28.501 - Really? I doubt that. 00:02:28.501 --> 00:02:32.195 - Well perhaps Magda who cares for the horses. 00:02:32.195 --> 00:02:34.577 - What kind of shoes does she wear to the stable? 00:02:34.577 --> 00:02:36.462 - Homemade low steel-toed boots. 00:02:36.462 --> 00:02:37.275 - Gay. 00:02:37.275 --> 00:02:38.819 - No, she couldn't possibly. 00:02:38.819 --> 00:02:41.193 She's mother's bedwarmer, she's certainly not... 00:02:41.193 --> 00:02:42.083 (angelic singing) 00:02:42.083 --> 00:02:44.014 Oh my stars. 00:02:44.014 --> 00:02:45.145 Mother. 00:02:45.145 --> 00:02:47.576 - Listen, I have tons of single of straight maiden 00:02:47.576 --> 00:02:49.140 friends I could set you up with. 00:02:49.140 --> 00:02:50.095 - Really? 00:02:50.095 --> 00:02:52.329 - Yeah, Duchess Gwyneth and Lord Chadwick 00:02:52.329 --> 00:02:55.174 just recently cut ties, I can call her for you if you want. 00:02:55.174 --> 00:02:56.630 - I would love that very much. 00:02:56.630 --> 00:02:57.266 - Yeah. 00:02:57.266 --> 00:03:00.732 - Perhaps we could joust and have a goblet sometime. 00:03:00.732 --> 00:03:03.626 - Absolutely. Take care. 00:03:05.726 --> 00:03:07.384 (deep sigh) 00:03:09.274 --> 00:03:11.123 - And what about the witch that hexed me? 00:03:11.123 --> 00:03:11.956 - Super gay. 00:03:11.956 --> 00:03:13.134 - Splendid! 00:03:16.884 --> 00:03:19.912 - Next time on "Lesbian Princess:" 00:03:19.912 --> 00:03:22.384 - I hope she's blonde.