WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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- On June 12, 2016,

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I woke up like any other Sunday morning

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and like any other millennial

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instinctively checked my phone.

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I immediately saw two words splashed

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across news outlets and social media,

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Orlando and shooting.

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My first thought was oh it must be

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about the shooting that
happened last week.

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So I shrugged, wrap a rainbow
handkerchief around my neck,

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and traversed the few blocks
that separated my apartment

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from the start of the
Los Angeles Pride Parade.

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It was then and there surrounded by a sea

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of fellow LGBTQ marchers,
surrounded by family,

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that it became common knowledge

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that a very similar celebratory crowd

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of vibrant young people
had just hours before

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been gunned down at Pulse nightclub

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in what would be called
the worst mass shooting

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in modern US history.

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I realized throughout the
following week as my friends

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posted eulogies for victims
who they knew in the massacre

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that the degrees of separation
between these events

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and me don't exist anymore.

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In fact, I wondered if
they ever existed at all.

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And it dawned on me that the longest,

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most influential relationship
I never knew I had

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in my life is with mass shootings.

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These tragedies have
been brutally effective

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in shaping my world view.

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So I don't want to speak on this topic

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as some self purported expert

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like you'll see flooding your feeds,

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but from a more sincere,
experiential perspective.

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I can remember exactly where
I was and what I was doing

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for every major massacre in my lifetime.

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And more often than not

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the victims and the
perpetrators are around my age.

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I am stuck in a cyclical pattern

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of abuse in his relationship.

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But it wasn't always like this

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and it has gotten much, much worse.

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When I was five years old,

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a man crashed his pickup truck

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into a chain restaurant called Luby's

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about an hour and half from where I lived

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and shot and killed over 20 people.

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My father to calm my fears

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recounted an infamous school
shooting that had happened

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in the 1960s as we drove
passed the Clock Tower

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at the University of Texas.

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He pointed at it and reassured me

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that was the last time
something bad like this

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happened around here.

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These things don't happen
often so don't be scared.

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Little did he know at the time

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that he had only lived through
around 20 US mass shootings

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before I was born.

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By today I have lived
through over 100 and counting

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and it all began at Columbine.

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I was 13 years old and I
can vividly remember sitting

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in front of my television set

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in my living room watching the news replay

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the scenes of countless students
running out of the school

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with their hands on their heads.

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Teenagers my age were dangling

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from broken windows trying to escape.

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Columbine change everything.

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And as the adults argued politics

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we kids actually went
through a massive tonal shift

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when it came to our perspective

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on our peers and our culture and security

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and that's when I grew paranoid

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because our parents had
wars and we had Columbine.

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I remember schools
installing metal detectors

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at their entrances and I
remember that it became

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a common sick practical
joke for some idiot

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to call a bomb threat just to
watch everyone get evaluated.

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I remember rock music and video games

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and even the Internet being blamed.

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And if you wore a trench
coat you were a killer.

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We were very quick and eager
to turn on one another.

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Everyone debated about
who or what was at fault.

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And if history has taught us anything

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there is no easy answer.

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Kids were dead and nothing was done.

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And then 9/11 happened
and our generation went

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from cautiously skeptical
to absolutely terrified.

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Columbine ignited our
fears as young citizens

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then 911 defined it to be
rampant, righteous and unending.

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And why not? We were scared.

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You wanted answers but instead
of reaching for a common goal

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we split ourselves in two and
every conversation you had,

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every fight online you'll
see in the comments below

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and every election year we witness

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this endless back-and-forth
as more people die

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last resolutions are reached.

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Years later while I was
attending film school

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at the University of Southern California

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I was two weeks away
from publicly premiering

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a short film which had already wrapped

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when the deadliest attack
at that time happened

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on the opposite coast on
a campus much like mine.

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And in some twisted sense of timeliness

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my short film was a graphic
critique of school shootings.

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I remember a mother of one
of my friends walked up to me

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and remarked you should
watch what you make

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since it looks like your
kind are prone to violence.

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Virginia Tech like any other massacre

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involving a wide array of players
from different backgrounds

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whether it was racial,
religious, cultural,

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brought forth and ugliness
that direct affected me

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for the first time.

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And as we mourned the dead it struck me

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that every time that this happens

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it not only opens up an opportunity

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to advance personal and political agendas,

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it becomes top priority
for most of us to do so.

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And yet again kids were
dead and nothing was done.

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You have Omaha, Binghamton,
Fort Hood twice.

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Fort hood in the same town

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as that Luby's cafeteria that
was shot up in my childhood.

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Schools, malls, churches,
post offices, military bases,

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a grocery store parking lot in Tucson.

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And then a movie theater in Aurora

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during a midnight screening
of The Dark Knight Rises.

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Where was I? Waiting to
attend a midnight screening

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of The Dark Knight Rises.

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We all could have been those victims

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excitedly waiting to watch a
blockbuster on opening night.

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No one was safe.

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And then later that year over 20 people,

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the majority being children
on the first grade,

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were shot and killed at Sandy Hook,

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our little brothers and sisters,

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our own children gunned down.

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My gut reaction was well now things

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will definitely have to change.

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But it did not.

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Little kids were dead
and nothing was done.

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Santa Monica, Santa Barbara,
Marysville, Umpqua, Charleston,

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I apologize if I'm forgetting some

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but there's just too many to count.

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So many that I am becoming so used

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to turning from passionate rage

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to desensitize resignation on a dime.

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I only shrugged. I screamed
and then I shrugged.

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And then I forgot.

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Our interconnectedness
not only as a nation

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but also as an international community.

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The Internet, social
media and bullet holes

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are like the connected dots
that link our generation

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beyond each of the shores.

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Paris my second home
where my mother has lived

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for over 17 years was hit by a series

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of unfathomable terrorist attacks.

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And my immediate bleak
thought was my mother is dead.

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Thankfully she was unharmed

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but we have come to such a
low point as a global society

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where we assume the absolute worse

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because it's how we already view

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one another as human beings.

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And then less than a month
later San Bernardino happened

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and my mother returned the favor

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and had to call me to see if I was okay.

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Our entire office on Sunset Boulevard

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heard the sirens driving
eastward to San Bernardino

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less than an hour away.

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In the following week we'd
hold a security meeting

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on what to do in an
active shooter situation.

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What was once video games and trench coats

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has morphed into the red flag dechoir

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for politicians who have ensured,

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especially with our upcoming election,

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that we are a country solely
operating on our fear.

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We have let the politicians
and talking heads

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and online forums dictate a conversation

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that our generation needs to have

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about our role in the
fight against violence.

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We grew up on these my shootings.

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The victims and unfortunately the shooters

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are people we all personally know.

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Orlando provided a
spotlight on a real issue

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this disconnect between
those who write the narrative

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and those who are actually living it.

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Most of our leaders are
not what the victims were

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primarily LGBTQ LatinX, black and young.

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In fact many, many a politician

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aim to marginalize those groups today.

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We are passionate and over-educated,

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but desensitized and underrepresented

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and thus we become divided

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just like the generations before us.

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But instead we need to
consider shutting the fuck up

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for a second and actually
doing something about it.

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The patrons of Pulse were
targeted because of who they were.

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They were queer people of color

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and US millennials out there all know

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and love someone from those backgrounds

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and not all politicians do.

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It's fine to share their
speeches in your opinions

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even about this very video,

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but posting in the infinite
soapbox that is the Internet

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is like prayer without action.

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Contact your elected officials

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because eventually we're gonna become

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those elected officials.

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Some merely shrugging at politics

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instead of actively participating in it

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will not change the game.

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Let's get up all in their business

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because if Orlando has taught us anything

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it's that they need to know

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that we cannot watch
any more of our friends

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and love ones die.

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And I'll be damned if kids who
are watching this right now

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will grow up to be another statistic

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because we blindly join a system

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that loves to argue about problems

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but refuses to produce actual results.

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Mass shootings they have been my longest

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most intelligible relationship, yes,

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but from this moment on it
will be I who defines it.

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And when I look back on June 12, 2016,

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I want not only remember
the deaths of the innocent,

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but what we did to finally make a change.

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And finally to the LGBT community

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know that you are brave and
that you are strong and loved

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and that we are with you.