WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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(slow drums)

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- [Jamie] Dear BuzzFeed,

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when I was four, I just thought
I was like any other boy.

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As I grew a little older,

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I started realizing I was different.

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(soft music)

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For awhile I believed that I was just

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a late developer.

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By the time I realized this
wasn't going to happen,

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I was seven or eight.

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At this age, I did
everything I could to fit in

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and be seen as one of the boys.

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I wore all boys clothes,

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was happy when people
used male pronouns for me

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when out in public, and
I got my hair cut short.

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A combination of secondary school, age 11,

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and puberty forced me into thinking

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I had to accept the way I was physically

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and I tried to fit in as
female during my early teens.

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I could never find clothes I liked,

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felt uncomfortable in anything I wore,

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and disliked my hair being long.

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When I was 16, I watched
a documentary on Channel 4

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about a trans guy.

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The way he was feeling and how he had felt

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flicked a switch and I suddenly had a name

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for how I was feeling

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and realized that I actually
live as who I felt I was.

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Between my first and
second year at college

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I came out as transgender

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and went back as Jamie for my A Levels.

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I told my mum first,

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who in turn told my dad any my brother.

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I then told my group of friends

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and finally my girlfriend,

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who was my best friend at the time.

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I'm so grateful that they
were all amazingly supportive

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and over time this increased

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as they understood more and more.

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My mum and I went to speak to my GP

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about being referred to
a gender identity clinic

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so that I could pursue hormones
and eventually surgery.

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The day I started testosterone
was incredibly exciting.

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My dad picked up my prescription for me

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and it was sitting waiting for me

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when I got home from college.

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Hey, so I just got home and saw this.

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As the weeks and months went by,

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I noticed more and more changes.

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I've had a definite voice
drop in the last month.

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Now my muscles are more defined

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and they are bigger.

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It's my voice.

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It's breaking as well.

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I've also got peach fuzz beard going on.

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(laughs)

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All these changes made me feel

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so much more comfortable with myself,

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and as grateful and happy
as I was to be on hormones,

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I knew I needed top surgery.

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Six months later I had the surgery.

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The recovery was
uncomfortable and frustrating.

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It took a couple months for me

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to start properly seeing the full effects

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and for the benefits
of having a flat chest.

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I'm super happy with my chest.

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It's completely settled now

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and the only thing that's changing

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is my scars are continuing to fade.

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I'm really happy with where they're at now

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but they seem to just
keep getting lighter,

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which is pretty awesome.

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Now, a little over three years later,

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I still feel grateful for
my chest all the time.

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The positive impact
that it's had on my life

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is indescribable.

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I'm at a stage in my life
now where I feel content

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and so much more comfortable

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with myself and with my body.

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My self-esteem and confidence
has increased massively

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and I feel a sense of
freedom and acceptance

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with who I am now.

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Something that made everything
easier in the beginning

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was having a support network.

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I was incredibly fortunate
to have strong support

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from my friends and family.

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If I were to advise anyone
who was just starting out

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or about to start their transition,

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I would say that patience
will be your best friend.

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Support is crucial from
wherever you can get it,

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and concentrate on the little things

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and what you can change now.

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This is a hard process that
at times will feel impossible,

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and impossibly slow,

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but you will get there one day.

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(soft music)

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(electronic music)