WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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(playful music)

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- [Voiceover] So my daughter just told me

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she uses my toothbrush
to brush the dog's teeth.

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How's your day going?

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- [Voiceover] The kids
walked in on me and my wife

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wrestling again.

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My son said, "Mommy should stop

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'cause it always sounds
like she's losing."

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- [Voiceover] My
four-year-old just told me,

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"It's okay, I love you,
so I might not put you

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in the washing machine tonight."

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- [Voiceover] My son just said
I have a comforting forehead.

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Weirdest compliment ever.

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- [Voiceover] Turned 26 today.

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My son told me I'm old like
a tree and gonna die soon.

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- [Voiceover] My five-year-old
just asked my three-year-old

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to step into her office.

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She concluded the conversation with,

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"And remember, my door is always open."

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- [Voiceover] I went to see
a mortgage advisor with my

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seven-year-old son, and when we sat down

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across from his desk, my son
said, "I'm not her husband."

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- [Voiceover] My son said, "Mommy,

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you are a terrible cook,

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but I eat your food because I love you,

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and I don't want to hurt your feelings.

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But, I don't want to die either."

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- [Voiceover] My young son
just told me he wants to be a

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hooker when he's older.

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He meant fisherman.

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- [Voiceover] My daughter told
me the moon was a stalker,

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and I asked why.

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She said, "Because it's
always following me."

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- [Voiceover] My son ran out
of my bedroom waving my blue

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vibrator in the air, yelling,
"Look at my new lightsaber!"

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Why do these things happen
when the neighbors are over?

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(playful music)