WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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- What's the deal with Santa?

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So breaking and entering is okay

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as long as it's a chubby white dude?

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And he's eating your mama's cookies?

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Uh-uh.

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Uh-um.

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- When are you gonna stop asking me

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if I pray five times a day?

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That's so mean.

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'Cause I don't.

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I feel guilty.

00:00:15.990 --> 00:00:18.555
- Why must you put bacon in everything?

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- Bacon infuse donuts?

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Come on now.

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- Is this water safe to drink?

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There's back on in this water, huh?

00:00:23.930 --> 00:00:25.695
- Do you really think
women wearing a hijab

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don't have hair underneath?

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Do you think that when you
see someone with a beanie?

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A hat?

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A hoodie?

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- Why do you think all Muslims are Arab?

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- There aren't one billion
people in the Middle East.

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That's geographically, physically,

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intellectually impossible.

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- Why are only Muslims mentioned in talks

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about religious extremism?

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Did you all forget about the KKK?

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Westboro Baptist Church?

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Crusades?

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We all have the bad seeds in the family.

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- Why do you assume all Muslim women

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are conservative virginal souls?

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And I am if my mom's watching.

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- Why do you expect every Muslim
woman to wear a head scarf?

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Does every Catholic
woman dress like a nun?

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Does every Jewish man wear a yamaka?

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Does every Shrek wear a tunic?

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- Are you really scared that we're gonna

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take over America with Sharia Law?

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I can barely wake up for fajar,

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let alone wage a holy war.

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- Do you really think I wanna
donate two point five percent

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of my income to charity?

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Nah, that's hella McChickens.

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- What is the secret
ingredient in Church's chicken?

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It's so good.

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- How can I hang out with the new Pope?

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'Cause he is dope.