WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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- In-N-Out's top five burger, okay.

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- Yeah, absolutely.

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- It's sure as (beep)
not Shake Shack, though.

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- (laughs) No way.

00:00:07.241 --> 00:00:11.514
(jaunty rock music)

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- I'm from the East
Coast and I'm here to rep

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the one and only Shake Shack,

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the one burger that matters.

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- Oh my god.

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- Born on In-N-Out, raised on In-N-Out,

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straight up eat In-N-Out every day.

00:00:26.497 --> 00:00:28.703
- There's just nothing special
about the Shake Shack burger.

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- Oh my (beep) god.

00:00:30.398 --> 00:00:32.539
- I'm taking everything very personally.

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- First of all, this bun is burnt.

00:00:36.362 --> 00:00:38.404
- This bun is crispy golden.

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- This bun, horse (beep)
compared to this soft potato bun.

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- What are these buns made out of?

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- Right? Oh my god!

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Look at his face.

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- It's a little salty.

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- You can barely see the burger in here,

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and then look at this, it's overflowing.

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- The circumference of
the Shake Shack burger

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is smaller than the In-N-Out burger.

00:00:57.607 --> 00:00:59.047
- I promise you, there is
twice the amount of meat

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in this even smaller burger than this one.

00:01:01.021 --> 00:01:02.483
- Well, I hope there's double the meat

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cuz it's double the price
of an In-N-Out burger.

00:01:05.130 --> 00:01:06.943
- So you can get a double cheeseburger

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for less than one regular burger.

00:01:09.209 --> 00:01:11.353
- I would call this a public sauce

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as opposed to a delicious secret sauce.

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- It's wet, it's drooling on me.

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I don't like my burgers to drool on me.

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I like them to be a
little bit more composed.

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- Mmm, fresh.

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(laughs)

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Mmm, New Jersey.

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- Oh cool, here's my one fry. Yay!

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- Yeah, you wanna friggin
eat that. (gobbles)

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- Props to In-N-Out.

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They throw a potato right in a
machine, they crank it there,

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two seconds later it's
in a bath of hot oil.

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I think that makes them a little bland.

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- This is delicious sauce, secret sauce.

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- This is congealed baby vomit.

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- I do like the Shake Shack fries.

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- In-N-Out fries suck so bad.

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That's why they had to cover it

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with all this animal-style nonsense.

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- They're not flavorful, or crunchy.

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- I'm gonna dip it in my sauce.

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- No, do not contaminate it like that.

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(moans)
That is so rude.

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- I need to mash it up,
and pour some gravy on it.

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That's the only way that this is edible.

00:02:04.805 --> 00:02:07.127
- Fry round, I have to
give it to Shake Shack.

00:02:08.987 --> 00:02:10.946
- This one's more fast foody,

00:02:10.946 --> 00:02:12.706
this one's more like wow,

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did this come from an expensive,

00:02:14.817 --> 00:02:16.479
over-priced ice cream store?

00:02:16.479 --> 00:02:17.550
- Do they have Bible verses?

00:02:17.550 --> 00:02:19.488
No, these are pagan shakes.

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- Also it's a boring cup.

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- Oh, look at this! (hums sarcastically)

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Cool, we get it California, for
the past sixty (beep) years.

00:02:27.465 --> 00:02:28.981
- If I had only one arm

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to carry a milkshake with down the street,

00:02:31.521 --> 00:02:33.455
I'd pick up the Shake Shack one.

00:02:33.455 --> 00:02:36.131
- This kinda breaks me, but
I have to say Shake Shack.

00:02:36.131 --> 00:02:38.146
- Have you ever had a
Neopolitan one from In-N-Out?

00:02:38.146 --> 00:02:40.231
- No.
- Mmm!

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- Is that one of the secret things?

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See that's what I love about a restaurant,

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"Hey, our good food's secret!"

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Ugh, how fun.

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- I think it's cool, it
makes me feel like a spy.

00:02:51.373 --> 00:02:52.978
- Do you think Jesus would've

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gifted his disciples with In-N-Out?

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- Yes.

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And then Judas probably got Shake Shack.

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- That's not true.
(laughs)