WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.033 --> 00:00:01.821 - How many single people does it take 00:00:01.821 --> 00:00:03.782 to open a package of chocolate? 00:00:03.782 --> 00:00:06.295 (grunting) - [Both] Oo! 00:00:06.295 --> 00:00:07.653 - Eat it. - No. 00:00:07.653 --> 00:00:09.055 - Eat it 'cause I love you. 00:00:09.055 --> 00:00:12.775 (upbeat music) 00:00:12.775 --> 00:00:15.233 - Love is great, Valentine's Day sucks ass. 00:00:15.233 --> 00:00:16.392 - I hate Valentine's Day. 00:00:16.392 --> 00:00:17.692 I can't wait for it to be over. 00:00:17.692 --> 00:00:19.216 - I like chocolate. 00:00:19.216 --> 00:00:20.474 It kind of ends there. 00:00:20.474 --> 00:00:22.101 - All you have to do is look at my dad cap 00:00:22.101 --> 00:00:23.076 and my otter shirt to know 00:00:23.076 --> 00:00:24.510 I'm spending Valentine's Day alone. 00:00:24.510 --> 00:00:26.643 - I think that suits you, so cute. 00:00:26.643 --> 00:00:28.390 - It does suit me, that's the problem. 00:00:28.390 --> 00:00:30.036 - People in relationships have much better 00:00:30.036 --> 00:00:32.860 places to be than Starbucks on Valentine's Day. 00:00:32.860 --> 00:00:34.323 - I don't like sugary shit. 00:00:35.173 --> 00:00:36.387 What's happening? 00:00:36.387 --> 00:00:37.159 Are you drunk? 00:00:37.159 --> 00:00:39.252 No, why does everyone always think I'm drunk? 00:00:41.552 --> 00:00:42.234 - What's the difference between 00:00:42.234 --> 00:00:43.859 molten and just normal chocolate? 00:00:43.859 --> 00:00:45.240 - You know those cakes where you like 00:00:45.240 --> 00:00:47.658 you cut into them and the chocolate just like-- 00:00:47.658 --> 00:00:48.979 - Well, how are they gonna do that in a drink? 00:00:48.979 --> 00:00:50.015 - I don't know. 00:00:50.015 --> 00:00:50.970 - To love. 00:00:50.970 --> 00:00:52.411 - To lack thereof. 00:00:53.261 --> 00:00:55.007 - Oh, it's so bitter. 00:00:55.007 --> 00:00:55.982 - That's not even that bitter. 00:00:55.982 --> 00:00:57.323 This is sweet as (bleep). 00:00:57.323 --> 00:00:58.910 - I mean, I think life is bittersweet 00:00:58.910 --> 00:01:01.348 so why not have your coffee bittersweet? 00:01:01.348 --> 00:01:03.400 - Sweet, sickly, and thick. 00:01:03.400 --> 00:01:05.330 Yeah, that's like Valentine's Day. 00:01:05.330 --> 00:01:06.427 - No one needs these calories, man. 00:01:06.427 --> 00:01:07.240 Just eat a dessert. 00:01:07.240 --> 00:01:08.357 - I know, just have like a brownie 00:01:08.357 --> 00:01:09.150 with your coffee. 00:01:09.150 --> 00:01:09.669 - Yeah, I'd much rather, 00:01:09.669 --> 00:01:10.807 you can dip the brownie in there. 00:01:10.807 --> 00:01:12.026 - Yeah. - Yum, yum, yum. 00:01:14.156 --> 00:01:15.799 - This one looks chocolatier already. 00:01:15.799 --> 00:01:17.180 Is chocolatier a word? 00:01:17.180 --> 00:01:18.005 (slurping) - Is that how you 00:01:18.005 --> 00:01:20.260 drink beverages? - It's hot! 00:01:20.260 --> 00:01:21.542 (slurping) 00:01:21.542 --> 00:01:22.479 That's why you're single. 00:01:22.479 --> 00:01:24.116 - The only thing more Valentine's Day about this 00:01:24.116 --> 00:01:25.376 is that it's like sweeter 00:01:25.376 --> 00:01:26.717 and like, "I love you sweetie," 00:01:26.717 --> 00:01:27.712 which like saying that makes me 00:01:27.712 --> 00:01:28.893 want to gag and vomit. 00:01:28.893 --> 00:01:30.498 - Single or in a couple, you're not gonna 00:01:30.498 --> 00:01:33.018 sit there and just drink a hot chocolate 00:01:33.018 --> 00:01:33.973 on Valentine's Day. 00:01:33.973 --> 00:01:35.070 - No one's ever loved me enough to buy me 00:01:35.070 --> 00:01:36.715 a hot chocolate or coffee so. 00:01:36.715 --> 00:01:37.650 - I love you enough. 00:01:37.650 --> 00:01:39.377 - People are going crazy for this stuff. 00:01:39.377 --> 00:01:40.819 - Yeah, if you're a basic (bleep), 00:01:40.819 --> 00:01:42.506 this hot chocolate's for you. 00:01:44.306 --> 00:01:46.075 This is the Beyonce of the group for sure. 00:01:46.075 --> 00:01:47.335 - This is how single I am right now. 00:01:47.335 --> 00:01:49.285 Like this is so much more attractive to me 00:01:49.285 --> 00:01:50.443 than like a date. 00:01:50.443 --> 00:01:51.662 - But why wouldn't they have like 00:01:51.662 --> 00:01:53.857 a nice pink icing or something, you know? 00:01:53.857 --> 00:01:54.376 - Or something! 00:01:54.376 --> 00:01:54.874 - Some people are like, 00:01:54.874 --> 00:01:55.971 "Oh, this looks so delicious." 00:01:55.971 --> 00:01:57.742 I'm like, "I don't want a dessert in a cup." 00:01:57.742 --> 00:01:58.595 - Me either. 00:01:58.595 --> 00:01:59.652 - Mm. 00:01:59.652 --> 00:02:00.557 - Oh my god, that is sweet. 00:02:00.557 --> 00:02:02.568 - That is so good (laughs). 00:02:02.568 --> 00:02:03.575 No! 00:02:03.575 --> 00:02:05.037 - I would drink this when I was 12. 00:02:05.037 --> 00:02:05.830 And now. 00:02:05.830 --> 00:02:07.171 - What does this have to do with this? 00:02:07.171 --> 00:02:08.166 Tell me now. 00:02:08.166 --> 00:02:11.295 - You could put that in this, there ya go. 00:02:11.295 --> 00:02:11.835 - This is what I'm going to be doing 00:02:11.835 --> 00:02:13.745 on Valentine's Day, alone in my bed 00:02:13.745 --> 00:02:14.964 drinking this all day long. 00:02:14.964 --> 00:02:15.736 - I take everything back. 00:02:15.736 --> 00:02:17.300 If someone got this for me on Valentine's Day, 00:02:17.300 --> 00:02:19.169 I would (bleep) them so good. 00:02:19.169 --> 00:02:20.856 It's better than taking me to Red Lobster. 00:02:22.262 --> 00:02:23.908 - It's hard to mess up chocolate. 00:02:23.908 --> 00:02:26.001 - I'm ready, Starbucks, to make a committment to you. 00:02:26.001 --> 00:02:28.297 - The market's missing an opportunity to 00:02:28.297 --> 00:02:30.166 target people who are not in relationships 00:02:30.166 --> 00:02:31.121 on Valentine's Day. 00:02:31.121 --> 00:02:31.478 They should do like 00:02:31.478 --> 00:02:33.001 the You Don't Need No Man latte. 00:02:33.001 --> 00:02:33.956 - Yeah, I don't need a man. 00:02:33.956 --> 00:02:35.869 - I don't need no man, I'm good. 00:02:35.869 --> 00:02:36.307 - [Woman in Maroon Shirt] You know what, 00:02:36.307 --> 00:02:37.912 I would like a Starbucks wine. 00:02:37.912 --> 00:02:39.252 Like a nice red wine. 00:02:39.252 --> 00:02:41.325 - I had wine at a Starbucks in 00:02:41.325 --> 00:02:42.910 the LAX airport over Christmas. 00:02:42.910 --> 00:02:43.783 - Wow, see? 00:02:43.783 --> 00:02:44.916 - Why aren't we doing that taste test? 00:02:44.916 --> 00:02:46.018 - Yeah. - That's one a single 00:02:46.018 --> 00:02:47.768 person can get right on. 00:02:47.768 --> 00:02:49.280 - That's just called getting drunk in a bar. 00:02:49.280 --> 00:02:50.363 - Oh.