WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.110 --> 00:00:03.259 - Wait, no, I thought I was here to talk about my problems. 00:00:03.799 --> 00:00:05.977 - Yes, heterosexuality is a problem. 00:00:05.977 --> 00:00:06.750 (big bang) 00:00:08.230 --> 00:00:13.218 (tense menacing music) 00:00:17.942 --> 00:00:20.200 Today you're here for straight conversion therapy. 00:00:20.200 --> 00:00:22.384 We are of the opinion that heterosexuality 00:00:22.384 --> 00:00:23.989 is a mental illness and an addiction 00:00:23.989 --> 00:00:25.393 that we need to work through. 00:00:25.393 --> 00:00:27.199 - I know that, like, in middle school 00:00:27.199 --> 00:00:29.576 I, like, you know, had some boy crazy moments, 00:00:29.576 --> 00:00:32.150 but I didn't think it was that bad. 00:00:32.150 --> 00:00:33.843 - Let's talk about your childhood. 00:00:33.843 --> 00:00:36.778 What we've typically found is that there is some sort 00:00:36.778 --> 00:00:40.184 of childhood trauma that has made you straight. 00:00:40.184 --> 00:00:41.250 - Um, no. 00:00:41.250 --> 00:00:42.092 - You don't think so. 00:00:42.092 --> 00:00:43.656 - I've always been straight. 00:00:43.656 --> 00:00:45.964 - Watching my parents have a loving relationship. 00:00:45.964 --> 00:00:48.389 - Four or five years old, I got a little bit of reputation 00:00:48.389 --> 00:00:50.197 on the shool yard for being a heartbreaker. 00:00:50.197 --> 00:00:53.512 - Like I was always just attracted to females, 00:00:53.512 --> 00:00:54.647 that's just... 00:00:54.647 --> 00:00:56.411 - Hmm, that doesn't make any sense to me at all. 00:00:56.411 --> 00:00:56.951 - I know. 00:00:56.951 --> 00:00:58.493 - There must have been some trauma 00:00:58.493 --> 00:00:59.901 that you can't remember then 00:00:59.901 --> 00:01:01.412 that we're going to have to bring out here 00:01:01.412 --> 00:01:02.692 in these therapy sessions. 00:01:02.692 --> 00:01:05.089 I like to tell moms: if you don't hug your sons 00:01:05.089 --> 00:01:06.085 some other woman will. 00:01:06.085 --> 00:01:06.747 (laughs) 00:01:06.747 --> 00:01:08.963 - I mean, I don't think that's the case. 00:01:09.723 --> 00:01:12.811 - So what I'd like to do is I'd like to examine 00:01:12.811 --> 00:01:15.382 these heterosexual urges you feel. 00:01:15.382 --> 00:01:17.793 I've pulled up a picture of a woman here 00:01:17.793 --> 00:01:20.022 and I want you to take a look at it. 00:01:20.022 --> 00:01:22.158 I have here a picture of a man. 00:01:22.158 --> 00:01:23.955 - Well, it's Mila Kunis. 00:01:24.575 --> 00:01:25.854 She is stunning. 00:01:25.854 --> 00:01:30.060 - She is wearing an especially busty dress. 00:01:30.060 --> 00:01:31.647 - Oh my God, I feel like I look at this picture 00:01:31.647 --> 00:01:33.452 and I instantly blush (laughs). 00:01:33.452 --> 00:01:36.505 - And he has a little, like, nice tan, secret under-- 00:01:36.505 --> 00:01:37.500 Ahh, my lo-- 00:01:37.500 --> 00:01:38.512 What? 00:01:38.512 --> 00:01:39.304 - Ahh! 00:01:39.304 --> 00:01:40.709 - The goal of aversion therapy 00:01:40.709 --> 00:01:42.860 is to introduce a negative stimulus. 00:01:42.860 --> 00:01:45.054 In the future, when you see a man 00:01:45.054 --> 00:01:47.983 you might associate this negative stimulus with that-- 00:01:47.983 --> 00:01:50.762 - With you springing water on me? 00:01:50.762 --> 00:01:52.769 - Okay, so, when I think about hot guys 00:01:52.769 --> 00:01:54.075 I'm just gonna get wet. 00:01:54.075 --> 00:01:55.834 So that's what you just did to me (laughs). 00:01:55.834 --> 00:01:59.215 - It seems like it's doing more permanent mental harm. 00:01:59.215 --> 00:02:02.344 - I don't think you springing me with water 00:02:02.344 --> 00:02:04.497 is going to prevent me from wanting 00:02:04.497 --> 00:02:06.711 to make out with Zac Efron. 00:02:06.711 --> 00:02:08.764 - Do we need to try like shocking you? 00:02:08.764 --> 00:02:10.508 - Oh, I think this is kind of bull (beep). 00:02:11.248 --> 00:02:12.481 - Okay, so finally I wanna try 00:02:12.481 --> 00:02:14.534 some behavioral change therapy. 00:02:14.534 --> 00:02:16.582 If we encourage homosexual behavior 00:02:16.582 --> 00:02:19.816 then the feelings might follow. 00:02:19.816 --> 00:02:20.853 - I mean, okay. 00:02:20.853 --> 00:02:22.213 - Do you have a cat? 00:02:22.213 --> 00:02:23.656 - Oh yeah, lots of cats. 00:02:23.656 --> 00:02:25.830 - Okay, you're basically halfway there already. 00:02:25.830 --> 00:02:27.251 You should go home 00:02:27.251 --> 00:02:29.665 and maybe watch Brokeback Mountain a couple of times. 00:02:29.665 --> 00:02:30.498 - Okay (laughs). 00:02:30.498 --> 00:02:32.752 - Invite your manfriend over and just see what happens. 00:02:32.752 --> 00:02:35.237 - I'm not trying to like hook up with a dude. 00:02:35.237 --> 00:02:37.005 - How many flannel shirts? 00:02:37.005 --> 00:02:39.253 - Maybe like four, for the winter. 00:02:39.253 --> 00:02:39.964 - That's pretty good. 00:02:39.964 --> 00:02:41.750 I would recommend maybe getting one or two more 00:02:41.750 --> 00:02:43.951 just so you have like one for every day of the week, 00:02:43.951 --> 00:02:44.431 you know. 00:02:44.431 --> 00:02:45.212 - Okay. 00:02:45.212 --> 00:02:47.935 - It sounds like it's really expensive to be gay. 00:02:47.935 --> 00:02:49.946 - Maybe try taking up wrestling as a sport. 00:02:49.946 --> 00:02:51.105 See how that works. 00:02:51.105 --> 00:02:52.486 - What's gay about wrestling? 00:02:52.486 --> 00:02:56.448 - I am a l... 00:02:56.448 --> 00:02:58.518 - Likable person! 00:02:59.724 --> 00:03:01.511 - So I have one more question for you. 00:03:01.511 --> 00:03:02.523 Are you gay now? 00:03:02.523 --> 00:03:03.426 Did it work? 00:03:04.432 --> 00:03:04.988 - No. 00:03:04.988 --> 00:03:07.419 - Everything you have said to me today 00:03:07.419 --> 00:03:10.946 has had zero effect on my sexuality. 00:03:10.946 --> 00:03:12.991 - I like who I like. 00:03:12.991 --> 00:03:14.991 That's pretty much all there's to it. 00:03:18.770 --> 00:03:21.214 - Reparative therapy views most same-sex attractions 00:03:21.214 --> 00:03:23.693 as reparations for childhood trauma. 00:03:23.693 --> 00:03:26.755 - I would be pretty offended if someone were to say, 00:03:26.755 --> 00:03:30.156 "You are just straight, because you probably got molested 00:03:30.156 --> 00:03:31.253 "when you were a kid." 00:03:31.253 --> 00:03:33.021 - I think it's a little (beep) up to just assume 00:03:33.021 --> 00:03:35.741 that everyone who is gay had like a traumatic childhood. 00:03:35.741 --> 00:03:38.756 - Beginning in the 1930s aversion technics were used 00:03:38.756 --> 00:03:41.659 to eliminate or diminish an undesired response 00:03:41.659 --> 00:03:44.802 by repeatedly pairing the undesired response 00:03:44.802 --> 00:03:46.653 with an unpleasant condition. 00:03:46.653 --> 00:03:49.076 So basically, they are zapping people 00:03:49.076 --> 00:03:52.604 whenever they look at naked people of the same gender. 00:03:52.604 --> 00:03:54.798 - I think it would make you afraid to have feelings 00:03:54.798 --> 00:03:55.570 about anything. 00:03:55.570 --> 00:03:56.962 I don't think that would, like, make you straight. 00:03:56.962 --> 00:03:58.400 - I don't think it really works. 00:03:58.400 --> 00:03:59.695 I don't think people should be doing it. 00:03:59.695 --> 00:04:01.137 It's probably just more harmful. 00:04:01.137 --> 00:04:02.263 - I don't see how it could work. 00:04:02.263 --> 00:04:07.262 (hopeful music) 00:04:10.225 --> 00:04:11.641 - It's here! It's here! 00:04:11.641 --> 00:04:14.263 - (shouting) It's here! 00:04:14.263 --> 00:04:14.972 - It's here! 00:04:14.972 --> 00:04:15.912 - It's here! Get it! 00:04:15.912 --> 00:04:16.965 - Get it! - Get it! 00:04:16.965 --> 00:04:18.500 - There! - There! 00:04:18.500 --> 00:04:19.532 - I think they got it. 00:04:19.532 --> 00:04:20.113 Get it! 00:04:20.113 --> 00:04:21.108 - Yeah, you get it! 00:04:21.478 --> 00:04:22.286 - It's here!