WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

00:00:03.162 --> 00:00:05.218
- Look me in my eyes and listen.

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Birthdays are tricky affairs.

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(suspenseful music)

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Everyone wants their time
to feel celebrated, special.

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I work at an internet content company

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with 23 other coworkers.

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That means 24 birthdays,
where at precisely 4pm,

00:00:29.960 --> 00:00:33.187
a box from Bellywise Bakers is
delivered to the front door.

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A box of birthday cookies,
23 chocolate chip, one blue.

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That blue cookie is a blue velvet

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orgastic chip cookie,
Bellywise's specialty.

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You can't buy one, you only
get one on your birthday.

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But every birthday, I'm telling you,

00:00:46.190 --> 00:00:47.768
the receptionist grabs it.

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No matter whose birthday it
is, no matter what people say,

00:00:50.473 --> 00:00:53.457
he eats the blue velvet
orgastic chip cookie.

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Until September 16th.

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September 16th is my birthday,
and I wanna feel celebrated.

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- Happy birthday, Henry.

00:01:05.203 --> 00:01:07.874
Sorry Tony took the blue
velvet orgastic chip cookie.

00:01:07.874 --> 00:01:10.241
- I know, they're so good.

00:01:10.241 --> 00:01:11.914
- But Tony always takes it.

00:01:11.914 --> 00:01:13.214
- It's not right.

00:01:13.214 --> 00:01:15.059
- Next week's my birthday, and damn it,

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I want that blue velvet
orgastic chip cookie.

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I have a plan, but I
need your help to do it.

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Your cut will be half of the

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blue velvet orgastic chip cookie.

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You in?

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- Why me?

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- I trust you to do the right thing.

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Let's go.

00:01:30.116 --> 00:01:32.043
- [Henry] All right, where are we going?

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(suspenseful music)

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- Hey, Tony.

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Did I get any birthday packages today?

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- I don't know, let me check.

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Happy birthday.

00:01:53.261 --> 00:01:55.232
- Thanks, can I borrow some scissors?

00:02:01.672 --> 00:02:02.716
Thanks.

00:02:08.901 --> 00:02:10.782
- [Henry] Hey, Colby, whatcha got there?

00:02:10.782 --> 00:02:13.606
- A birthday package from my mom.

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(phone rings)

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- Hey, Tony.

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Why don't you let me take care of these?

00:02:19.330 --> 00:02:21.106
- Yeah, it sounds like
there's a phone call.

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- Phone can wait, it's
birthday cookie time.

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(Henry wheezes)

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- Tony, I really think you
should answer the phone.

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- What are you doing? Let go!

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- I'm taking these to the break room.

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It's Colby's birthday.

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- This is my job!

00:02:33.797 --> 00:02:35.370
- [Henry] No, this is not your job,

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your job is to get fucked!
(phone rings)

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- [Tony] I distribute cookies.

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- [Henry] Just go answer the phone,

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just go answer the phone!

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Do your job!
- [Tony] I can't!

00:02:42.875 --> 00:02:45.034
- [Tony] This is my job,
I distribute cookies!

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- [Henry] That's not your--
- [Tony] It is!

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(box falls heavily)

00:03:01.474 --> 00:03:03.612
- No no no, wait, listen, listen!

00:03:03.612 --> 00:03:05.632
This was all Colby's idea, okay?

00:03:05.632 --> 00:03:09.161
He wanted me to steal the blue
velvet orgastic chip cookie

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so that he and I could split it.

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- The birthday bastard!

00:03:13.444 --> 00:03:16.049
- Yeah yeah, but look,
let's, let's stop fighting...

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and you and I can split the cookie.

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- Forget it, that cookie is mine.

00:03:21.009 --> 00:03:23.818
- Look, look, look, if, look, look, look,

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if I don't get half of this blue velvet

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orgastic chip cookie, I
will ruin this entire box!

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- Okay, fine, we'll split it.

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Just don't ruin that blue
velvet orgastic chip cookie.

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- One, two,
- [both together] Three.

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- [Henry] Huh?

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What?

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- [Tony] Oh, no.

00:03:52.289 --> 00:03:53.918
- Did I get any birthday packages today?

00:03:56.967 --> 00:03:57.961
- Happy birthday.

00:03:57.961 --> 00:04:00.103
- Thanks, can I borrow some scissors?

00:04:02.581 --> 00:04:04.678
- Why don't you let me take care of these?

00:04:04.678 --> 00:04:06.807
- Yeah, it sounds like
there's a phone call.

00:04:06.807 --> 00:04:09.749
- Phone can wait, it's
birthday cookie time!

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(angry spluttering)

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- [Henry] Stop spinning.

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- Colby.

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- Look into my eyes and listen.

00:04:23.174 --> 00:04:25.695
Birthdays are tricky affairs.

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(suspenseful music)

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(triumphant music)

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(modem noise)