- I just wanted to do right, by her,
because I am still here.
My sister's name is Heather.
She passed away from pancreatic cancer.
- I lost my brother on my tenth birthday.
- I lost my brother to suicide
and his name was Harry.
- I lost my brother when he was 16 years old
in a car accident.
- I have a lot of memories of him just tickling me,
so hard, that I couldn't breathe.
- She was sarcastic and sassy
and the smartest person that I might ever know.
- His friends are still in contact with me today
and every time they see me,
they tell me how much I look like him.
- When I think about him,
I think of him as he was,
which is like a teenager.
And then when I dream about him,
he's almost always like a baby.
Whenever he's in my dreams,
I'll like pick him up and just hold him.
It's really nice.
- We found out during my birthday party,
that he was found dead.
- I looked down at my phone
and my little sister had just called
and it's kind of one of those things
that you can't describe
but you just know.
- He and my grandmother decided to
take a road trip together.
I remember very vividly seeing my grandfather
and the police officer walk through my back door.
- It happened about a year ago
and I got a message from him
and made the decision to drive home.
So, I got to see him that night
and then it happened the next morning.
- I called my sister back
and she let me know that Heather was, gone.
- And it was just the hardest thing,
to watch my mom,
her being in bed and just crying and crying.
- And my grandfather just said,
"There was an accident in Nevada."
- My initial instinct was to,
want to talk to her immediately
and I can't tell you how many times
I actually took to the phone
and went, "Oh no,
"that number doesn't work anymore."
- It's been over a year
but it doesn't feel like over a year.
It feels like yesterday, you know.
- It took me a long time to stop entertaining
the thought that maybe it wasn't real.
- There's always the questions of like,
"Well, if I was home.
"If I was closer.
"Would I have been able to do anything?"
- There are moments that you are so fine
and then the next second,
for no reason, you're like a crying heap on the floor.
- When I feel myself go into the pain of it,
I allow myself to because I think that that's important.
- It doesn't matter how much I heal
or how much emotional processing I go through.
How much I pray or go to therapy,
or whatever, he's still gone.
- You wait for that sadness to go away,
like it won't.
- I think the only way to make it completely go away
would be to forget about him.
- I know this is cliche but honestly,
I think about him everyday.
- There's not a day, that goes by,
that I don't think about her.
- I don't know that it will really ever feel normal
because, I mean it can't.
- That sort of empty space in my life,
it's still there, it's still an empty space,
but it doesn't feel so glaring, anymore.
- It's like a heavy, heavy weight
but maybe the weight is still heavy
and I just have gotten stronger.
- It doesn't get easier.
It get's more manageable.