- Summer is over,
and now, the time has come,
to dance.
(upbeat music)
Hey everyone, my name is Matt Bellassai,
and this is Whine About It,
a weekly video series where I get drunk
at my desk and complain about stuff.
On this week's episode,
the most annoying people to text with.
The average person sends like 60 messages
a day and they're all garbage.
That's what this study said,
and you should feel bad about the textual filth
that you're polluting this world with.
Alright?
Let's drink.
(peppy music)
Let me just check my messages.
Yeah, but I got a message.
Not bad, not too bad.
Alright, first of all, anybody who texts the phrase
"Did you get my message?"
They're always like, "Did you get my Message,
"that I sent, using the same (censored) medium
"that I'm using to send this message?
"So if you didn't get the first one,
"you're probably not gonna get this one either.
"But I don't care, because I'm an annoying piece of shit,
"and I'm gonna send you a second one anyway."
That's what they say, that's what they send.
There's only two reasons that someone
doesn't reply to your message.
One, they were (censored) busy,
and two, they didn't wanna (censored)
reply to your (censored) message.
Asking someone, "Did you get my message?"
is like asking someone why do you hate me?
I don't think you're ready for the answer.
Okay?
Then there's the people that respond to messages
with the old passive aggressive "K."
They just respond to my whole message
with one letter and a period after it.
You trying to start a fight with me?
Is that what you want?
You want to dance with the beast?
Because nobody says "K." unless
they think you done (censored) something up.
Don't you dare text me K, unless you're ready to throw down.
Also, people who respond to messages with
just a whole string of indecipherable emojis.
You're not a (censored) caveman.
What do I look like, some kind of
hieroglyphics-reading scientist?
Trying to read all the pictures on your cave wall?
I asked you if you wanted to go out tonight,
and all you sent me was six corns-on-the-cob,
an octopus and a pear.
What's that? What's that?
Is that a yes? What does that mean?
This is a text message, not a menu at Denny's.
Use your words, not just little pictures of the foods.
Do you get it?
Also, anybody who sends a message
that's longer than like two sentences.
I just wanted a yes or a no, not Moby (censored) Dick.
Also, people who turn every message
into like 16 different messages.
They're always like, hey, send.
Matt, send. I think I found, send.
Some nachos, send. Oh wait, send.
A bird pooped on them, send.
I think I got most of it off, send.
Do you still want to split them? Send.
You couldn't just sum that up? In one message?
So that my phone doesn't stop blowing up, like the Alamo?
I only need one shit message from you at a time.
Okay? Okay.
Then there's people who take like
seven hours to respond to a message
that needs a response right now.
If I say what flavor of ice cream do you want?
I'm not not (censored) around, okay?
This was an emergency that requires
your immediate attention so why don't you
take your hand out of your pants,
and let me know what flavor of ice cream you want.
Lives are on the line here,
and you can't respond to my text message.
But also, people who expect me to respond
right away when I'm busy.
They're always like "Matt, you left your oven on again."
"Matt, there's smoke billowing out of your apartment."
"Matt, why won't you answer your phone?"
Listen, sometimes I got better things to do
than reply to your text message.
Like getting home to the delicious
bagel bites that I left baking in my oven
before I left the house this morning.
But I guess you wouldn't know about that, would you?
You wouldn't know about the finer things in life,
because you're too busy texting me
every five (censored) seconds.
Then there's that one (censored) sack,
who asks the question, "Can I ask you a question?"
I don't know Michelle, this isn't a (censored) game!
Texting is a serious business.
You can't just ask a question,
and then ask another question.
It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal.
You stole fizzy-lifting drinks,
you bumped into the ceiling,
which now has to be washed
and sterilized, so you get nothing!
You lose! Good day sir!
It's from a movie.
With Wally Wonka.
And finally, worst of all,
there's the people who call you
instead of sending a text message.
They're always like "Matt, can you talk?"
"Is now a good time to talk?"
No! It's not a good time to talk.
It's never a good time to talk,
because anything you could say to me,
you can say in a text message,
better than (censored) calling me on the (censored) phone.
That's for (censored) sure. That's for (censored) sure.
Alright everybody,
thank you for watching this week.
As always, you can find our videos
every week at whineaboutit.tumblr.com
At my page, which is facebook.com/buzzfeedmatt
That it. That's everything.
That's all I got, ever today.
(upbeat music)
People always come up to me on the street,
and they say "Oh, you're Matt,
"you're the wine guy from Buzzfeed."
And I say "Nope, I'm 17 time
"Academy-Award-winner
"Meryl Streep, I understand the confusion.
"Have a nice day, have a good day."
And then I pat them on the back.
And they say "Oh my god, she is wonderful.
"I can't believe I just met Meryl Streep."