WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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- Summer is over,

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and now, the time has come,

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to dance.

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(upbeat music)

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Hey everyone, my name is Matt Bellassai,

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and this is Whine About It,

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a weekly video series where I get drunk

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at my desk and complain about stuff.

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On this week's episode,

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the most annoying people to text with.

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The average person sends like 60 messages

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a day and they're all garbage.

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That's what this study said,

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and you should feel bad
about the textual filth

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that you're polluting this world with.

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Alright?

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Let's drink.

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(peppy music)

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Let me just check my messages.

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Yeah, but I got a message.

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Not bad, not too bad.

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Alright, first of all,
anybody who texts the phrase

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"Did you get my message?"

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They're always like,
"Did you get my Message,

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"that I sent, using the
same (censored) medium

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"that I'm using to send this message?

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"So if you didn't get the first one,

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"you're probably not
gonna get this one either.

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"But I don't care, because
I'm an annoying piece of shit,

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"and I'm gonna send you
a second one anyway."

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That's what they say,
that's what they send.

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There's only two reasons that someone

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doesn't reply to your message.

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One, they were (censored) busy,

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and two, they didn't wanna (censored)

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reply to your (censored) message.

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Asking someone, "Did you get my message?"

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is like asking someone why do you hate me?

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I don't think you're ready for the answer.

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Okay?

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Then there's the people
that respond to messages

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with the old passive aggressive "K."

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They just respond to my whole message

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with one letter and a period after it.

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You trying to start a fight with me?

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Is that what you want?

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You want to dance with the beast?

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Because nobody says "K." unless

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they think you done
(censored) something up.

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Don't you dare text me K, unless
you're ready to throw down.

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Also, people who respond to messages with

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just a whole string of
indecipherable emojis.

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You're not a (censored) caveman.

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What do I look like, some kind of

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hieroglyphics-reading scientist?

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Trying to read all the
pictures on your cave wall?

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I asked you if you
wanted to go out tonight,

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and all you sent me was
six corns-on-the-cob,

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an octopus and a pear.

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What's that? What's that?

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Is that a yes? What does that mean?

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This is a text message,
not a menu at Denny's.

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Use your words, not just
little pictures of the foods.

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Do you get it?

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Also, anybody who sends a message

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that's longer than like two sentences.

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I just wanted a yes or a no,
not Moby (censored) Dick.

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Also, people who turn every message

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into like 16 different messages.

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They're always like, hey, send.

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Matt, send. I think I found, send.

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Some nachos, send. Oh wait, send.

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A bird pooped on them, send.

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I think I got most of it off, send.

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Do you still want to split them? Send.

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You couldn't just sum
that up? In one message?

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So that my phone doesn't stop
blowing up, like the Alamo?

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I only need one shit
message from you at a time.

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Okay? Okay.

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Then there's people who take like

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seven hours to respond to a message

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that needs a response right now.

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If I say what flavor of
ice cream do you want?

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I'm not not (censored) around, okay?

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This was an emergency that requires

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your immediate attention so why don't you

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take your hand out of your pants,

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and let me know what flavor
of ice cream you want.

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Lives are on the line here,

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and you can't respond to my text message.

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But also, people who expect me to respond

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right away when I'm busy.

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They're always like "Matt,
you left your oven on again."

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"Matt, there's smoke billowing
out of your apartment."

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"Matt, why won't you answer your phone?"

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Listen, sometimes I
got better things to do

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than reply to your text message.

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Like getting home to the delicious

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bagel bites that I left baking in my oven

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before I left the house this morning.

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But I guess you wouldn't
know about that, would you?

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You wouldn't know about
the finer things in life,

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because you're too busy texting me

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every five (censored) seconds.

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Then there's that one (censored) sack,

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who asks the question,
"Can I ask you a question?"

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I don't know Michelle, this
isn't a (censored) game!

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Texting is a serious business.

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You can't just ask a question,

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and then ask another question.

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It's all there, black and
white, clear as crystal.

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You stole fizzy-lifting drinks,

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you bumped into the ceiling,

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which now has to be washed

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and sterilized, so you get nothing!

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You lose! Good day sir!

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It's from a movie.

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With Wally Wonka.

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And finally, worst of all,

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there's the people who call you

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instead of sending a text message.

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They're always like "Matt, can you talk?"

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"Is now a good time to talk?"

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No! It's not a good time to talk.

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It's never a good time to talk,

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because anything you could say to me,

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you can say in a text message,

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better than (censored) calling
me on the (censored) phone.

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That's for (censored) sure.
That's for (censored) sure.

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Alright everybody,

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thank you for watching this week.

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As always, you can find our videos

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every week at whineaboutit.tumblr.com

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At my page, which is
facebook.com/buzzfeedmatt

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That it. That's everything.

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That's all I got, ever today.

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(upbeat music)

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People always come up to me on the street,

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and they say "Oh, you're Matt,

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"you're the wine guy from Buzzfeed."

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And I say "Nope, I'm 17 time

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"Academy-Award-winner

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"Meryl Streep, I understand the confusion.

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"Have a nice day, have a good day."

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And then I pat them on the back.

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And they say "Oh my god, she is wonderful.

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"I can't believe I just met Meryl Streep."