WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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- Mom.

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Is my vagina supposed to do that?

00:00:03.092 --> 00:00:06.192
("Tootie Fruity" by AudioNetwork)

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- Mom.

00:00:06.621 --> 00:00:07.318
- Mom?

00:00:07.318 --> 00:00:07.840
- Mom.

00:00:07.840 --> 00:00:09.558
- How do I make a dentist appointment?

00:00:09.558 --> 00:00:11.532
- How do I thaw a chicken?

00:00:11.532 --> 00:00:12.252
- Can you do it for me?

00:00:12.252 --> 00:00:14.039
- What is my Social Security Number?

00:00:14.039 --> 00:00:15.514
- How do you soften butter?

00:00:15.514 --> 00:00:16.720
- Can I have your Netflix password?

00:00:16.720 --> 00:00:18.091
Can I have your HBO Go password?

00:00:18.091 --> 00:00:19.240
- Mom?

00:00:19.240 --> 00:00:20.831
- How many stamps do I put on something?

00:00:20.831 --> 00:00:23.292
- You can put Windex on wood, right?

00:00:23.292 --> 00:00:24.952
- What would actually happen if I washed

00:00:24.952 --> 00:00:26.881
whites and colors together?

00:00:26.881 --> 00:00:28.064
- Is it Dad's birthday?

00:00:28.064 --> 00:00:29.539
- How do you cook rice?

00:00:29.539 --> 00:00:30.398
- Do I have credit?

00:00:30.398 --> 00:00:31.303
Do you have credit?

00:00:31.303 --> 00:00:32.917
Can I have some of your credit?

00:00:32.917 --> 00:00:33.916
- Have I had a tetanus shot?

00:00:33.916 --> 00:00:36.156
- How many minutes do you boil an egg for?

00:00:36.156 --> 00:00:37.142
- Are you supposed to ride your bike

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with or against traffic?

00:00:38.699 --> 00:00:39.999
- When does mascara expire?

00:00:39.999 --> 00:00:41.182
- How long is chicken good for?

00:00:41.182 --> 00:00:43.098
- Well, how long does
cinnamon stay good for?

00:00:43.098 --> 00:00:45.083
I donno, like four years?

00:00:45.083 --> 00:00:47.823
- How do I wash something
that says "Dry clean only"?

00:00:47.823 --> 00:00:50.134
No, I did not get red
wine on my shirt again.

00:00:50.134 --> 00:00:52.479
- How do I un-sign up for a credit card?

00:00:52.479 --> 00:00:53.953
- Do I have any allergies
I don't know about?

00:00:53.953 --> 00:00:54.998
What about shellfish?

00:00:54.998 --> 00:00:56.275
What about fish without shells?

00:00:56.275 --> 00:00:58.700
- Can I use some of your airline miles?

00:00:58.700 --> 00:01:00.477
- What is our family medical history?

00:01:00.477 --> 00:01:01.580
- I thawed the chicken in the microwave

00:01:01.580 --> 00:01:02.578
and then I ate it.

00:01:02.578 --> 00:01:03.333
Am I gonna die?

00:01:03.333 --> 00:01:05.701
- Hey mom, I had a question.

00:01:05.701 --> 00:01:08.255
Why did I ever want to leave home?

00:01:08.255 --> 00:01:09.172
God I miss you.

00:01:09.172 --> 00:01:10.414
Like, you used to annoy
the (beep) out of me

00:01:10.414 --> 00:01:12.156
when I was a teenager, but like,

00:01:12.156 --> 00:01:13.969
I really miss you now.

00:01:16.086 --> 00:01:17.746
I can't hear you!

00:01:17.746 --> 00:01:19.366
I'm going through a tunnel!