- Next, jelly filled donuts.
Is that just a donut... Oh god, I'm gonna throw up.
- Okay, here we go.
♫ Whine about it
♫ Whine about it ♫
- Hey everyone, my name is Matt Bellassai,
and this is Whine About It.
A weekly video series where I get drunk at my desk
and complain about stuff.
On this week's episode,
types of foods that are the worst.
Cause I'll eat almost anything,
except for most things.
Let's drink.
Mmm, that's actually very good.
Okay, okay. Here it comes.
Okay, that's enough.
Alright, let's get this started.
One, sushi.
Sushi is not a food.
Sushi is my food's food.
Sushi is like if Finding Nemo got stuck in a seaweed forest.
Someone chopped him up into little tiny pieces
and wrapped him up in a little rice leaf.
It's all slimy and tiny and you gotta eat 3,000 of them
in order to feel full.
That's what your sushi is.
2, blue cheese.
Blue cheese is just moldy belly button cheese.
That's all it is.
Everybody who eats blue cheese, they just say,
"You know what would make my salad better?"
"If it tastes like a moldy dick."
Next, kale, cause leaves didn't taste bad enough.
Someone was like "let's give them (bleep) kale."
They'll love it.
It's sharp. It's all leafy.
It's greener than normal leaves for some reason.
It's like eating a handful of leafy glass.
You can take your kale
and shove it right down the sewer drain
that it floated up from.
Also, cookies with raisins in them.
You know what a raisin is?
A raisin is a chocolate chip that
gave up all its hopes and dreams
and settled on being a (bleep) raisin.
Also, dried fruit.
Who the (bleep) looked at a fruit saying
"You know what would be, you know what would be good?"
"You know what would be awesome?"
"If I just sucked every piece of moisture
out of this piece of fruit."
"Oh, you know, I would love it
if I could swallow this banana,
but it scratched my throat all the way down."
"I'd love it if I just deep throat this sandy dry banana."
They try to make you think it's good
because they call it a chip.
They call it an apple chip.
Or a peach chip.
Or apricot chip.
It's not a chip.
You know what's a (bleep) chip?
A chip.
You eat your fruits wet, like everything else.
Next, creamy peanut butter.
Creamy peanut butter is like
if a full-grown man shaves off all his pubes.
What's left?
There's nothing left to the imagination.
Next, ramen.
What kind of bitch noodle is a ramen?
A ramen is just a spaghetti noodle
that went for a perm.
(bleep) your ramen.
Next, hash browns.
Why the (bleep) do you need hash browns with your breakfast?
Hash browns don't go well with breakfast.
A bunch of dry shedded flakes of potato.
No.
You go (bleep) right off with your burnt hash brown flakes.
Next, pretzel buns.
Because they're too hard to bite.
And they taste like pretzel.
Next, cauliflower.
Who the (bleep) is cauliflower?
Okay, it doesn't taste like anything.
That's all cauliflower is, it's just scary ghost broccoli.
What is it thinking?
You have no idea.
Next, zucchini pasta.
That's not pasta.
Oh, you don't have to have carbs.
You can be healthy.
Eat the vegetable and your brain won't even know.
Uh, he'll know, Barbara.
Just cause you shoved a zucchini down a shredder
doesn't mean my brain's gonna think
he's gotten a delicious Italian feast.
Why don't you take your zucchini
and shove it where it belongs?
Anywhere but my face.
Next, cookie cake.
Are you a cookie or are you cake?
You piece of shit.
Next, jelly filled donuts.
Jelly filled donuts
are just donuts on their period.
It's a donut
not a tampon.
And finally, mini foods.
Who the (bleep) looks at a food
and thinks "You know what would be great?"
"You know what I would love? Less of this."
"Just a little bit that I can carry around in my pocket."
That's what they say,
people who like mini foods.
You know what you need?
Bigger pockets.
(bleep) your mini muffins.
(bleep) your fudge.
(bleep) your sushi.
(bleep) your honey (bleep) mustard.
(bleep) all of it.
Alright everybody,
thank you for watching this week.
As always, you can find our videos every week
on whineaboutit.tumblr.com
and my page, which is facebook.com/buzzfeedmatt
and you find our video on Youtube at
youtube.com/buzzfeedvideo
And that's it. That's everything.
♫ Whine about it
♫ Whine about it ♫
- You know what everyone should do?
- [Voiceover] What?
- Vote for me.
For people's choice award.
For favorite social media star.
Cause I get drunk at my desk every week
and kill myself for you mother (bleep).
If you don't vote for me, I'll just die alone.
With no awards.