WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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- Wow!

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- ♫ Welcome home, family.

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Well, that was terrible.

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(grunting)

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- Ahhh!

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(swing music)

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- [Narrator] This week

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we are gonna be the perfect homemakers.

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- People talk about what an ideal time

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the mid-century was for families.

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This week, we're gonna give it a try

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and see if we can live up to that

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mid-century domestic ideal.

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- We have this handy chart that tells us

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what the perfect wife is and
we get to grade ourselves.

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How exciting.

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- [Ochi] And scary.

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- Someone

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is gonna be negative.

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- Hey.

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(swing music)

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- [Morgan] Puts her
cold feet on her husband

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at night to warm them.

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- A husband should be
there to warm you up.

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That's what I say.

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So negative one for me.

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- [Morgan] Religious,
sends children to church

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or Sunday school and goes herself, well.

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- I could have had 10 points for this one.

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That sucks.

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- Has meals on time.

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(laughing) No.

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- I can cook about two dinners.

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- Can carry on an
interesting conversation.

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I mean, I think I'm funny
and fascinating, so yeah.

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- Good sense of humor, jolly, and gay.

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Can't you tell?

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- Can play a musical instrument.

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Your wife is just there to entertain you

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with her interesting conversations

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and her violin playing.

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What the hell?

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- Dresses for breakfast.

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I don't eat breakfast
and I don't dress, so.

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- Man, it's not looking good.

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- [Rose] I'm very poor,
parenthesis failure.

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I'm a failure as a wife
and a mother apparently.

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- As suspected I am a total failure.

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- That doesn't sound that great.

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But I heard that it's higher than Ochi.

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- When I looked at this, my
initial reaction was disgust.

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I would think that at the
time that my grandmother was

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this American housewife,

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she wanted to do these things.

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It just makes me angry to think that

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somebody could have looked at her

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and been checking off boxes.

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She handled her house and her life

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and her children with grace.

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I will be channeling
her and I also want to

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pay a little homage to her
and all the parts she did.

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And see if I can do it too, right?

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- After having my son, I got
to have year maternity leave.

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So, I got used to what it's
like to be a stay at home mom

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and I really loved it.

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So decided to quit my job
and not go back to work.

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You're always thinking
about am I doing it right?

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I'm just nervous about these rules.

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About what my role's supposed to be.

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Hopefully it won't make me
unhappy with my choices.

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- My family dynamic has
been heavily shaped by

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my post-partum depression and OCD.

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So, my husband has been
running our household,

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as the primary caretaker for
going on seven years now.

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I have to live up to what he is already so

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efficient at and what
he already does so well.

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It's kind of scary to
ask him to step aside

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and let me take the reigns of something

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that I have, quite honestly,
failed at in the past.

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Are you guys as stressed
out about this as I am?

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- I am so stressed about it.

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- I'm just nervous my husband's
going to get used to it.

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(laughing)

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- Supposed to dress myself
before I do anything else.

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I don't want to do it.

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- I'm wearing my grandma's apron now.

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I feel really hot in this things.

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Maybe it's oppression I feel.

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- I'm planning what
I'm gonna do this week.

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Here it is.

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Different church everyday
'cause that's the big points.

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- I don't think Rose
going to church counts.

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She walked in and then James
got bored and then she left.

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That doesn't count.

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- This morning I decided to get up

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and go balls to the wall put together

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and care for my family at the same time.

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- [Ochi] Hey, guys, what are you doing?

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I was supposed to make you breakfast.

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- We were waiting for you for a while.

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- [Ochi] How can I get
ready and presentable?

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- You have to be presentable?

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- Check out my outfit.

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I think it's okay

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for what I'm trying to
accomplish this week.

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- I failed.

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I still have curlers in.

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My husband's gone to work

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and now my mom's here feeding
my daughter breakfast.

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- [Rose] Outsourcing the cleaning tasks.

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Thank you.

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- I went to get a glass for coffee

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and Scott has cleaned the kitchen.

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And ran the dishwasher.

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(laughing)

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- [Morgan Narrating] In a lot
of ways it was heartbreaking

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because it was a reminder
of how little faith

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he has in me as a homemaker

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and how truly earned

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that lack of faith has been.

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- I can't do it, I'm too tired.

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This is so much effort.

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- This is not easy.

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- So stressed out right now.

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I had a last minute meeting.

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I have no food.

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I have nothing prepared.

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It said I had to have
meals delivered on time.

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It didn't say that they
had to be homemade.

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If those ladies had Postmates,

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they'd be using it.

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The more I tried to check
each box off on the guide.

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It was just one failure
after another after another.

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- So I was going to clean the kitchen,

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but I made these amazing pancakes.

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And Delilah asked me to sit
with her while she ate them.

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And you know what?

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It's a lot more fun.

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- [Ochi] What do you
want for breakfast, Pam.

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The one thing I know how to make.

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I think I would love to
keep cooking going forward.

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- I was really surprised

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that I actually enjoyed cooking this week.

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Dinner is served.

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It looks okay.

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There was a really great
satisfaction in it.

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- It was mainly the gratitude
on my family's face.

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I'm really happy that I
feel like doing it more for

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my own reasons for my family.

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But going forward, I'm
not gonna be cooking

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because that's what the
wife chart told me to do.

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- This scale has been
haunting me this whole week.

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It's been on my fridge and I
stare at it and I get angry.

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Goodbye, patriarchy.

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- I still sewed no
buttons, darned no socks.

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- Darn it, did not
accomplish this task again.

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- Neat house keeper.

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Mmmmmmmm.

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- Has meals on time?

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No, I did not do that one.

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No meals were on time.

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- I know they mean dresses
nice for breakfast,

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but I don't care.

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I had clothes on.

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- I think I did better.

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- [Rose] Wait, what?

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Wow, that's crazy.

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I must have cheated.

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- Woohoo! I'm average.

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- I just got so excited that I raised up

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on this horrible scale.

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Then I realized I don't care.

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There's no such thing
as a perfect homemaker.

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Nor should there be.

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- The only perfect is
the best that you can be

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for yourself and for your family.

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- It just made me really happy

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to be in such an equal
partnership with my husband.

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- When I looked at this
sheet, I was angry.

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And I thought women
shouldn't have to do this.

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This is bullshit.

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But as I went through the week, I realized

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that my own husband was
doing all of these things

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and that's not right either.

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After this week, I'm committed to

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creating an equal partnership in the home.

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- Being a stay at home
mom has been my choice.

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Back then women didn't have a choice.

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- Maybe grandma had this idyllic life

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because that was the only option for her.

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Once it started getting into the 70s,

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she went back to school
and got her degree.

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Who knows what she would have
accomplished with her life

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if those opportunities had been there

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for her when she was younger.

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- No one should have to
devote their entire life

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to their family because
it is expected of them.

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- To me this is such a special role,

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but in the future hope
that people can enjoy it

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and not feel so many external pressures.

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- I don't think a woman can have it all.

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Having it all is trying to do everything

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that society tells you you should have.

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I believe that a woman can
have everything that she wants.

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So what's really important is knowing

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what you want for yourself
and for your family.

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(calming music)