WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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- Yo, would you rather eat poop,

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or kiss your dad on the lips?

00:00:02.718 --> 00:00:03.554
- What?

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Probably kiss my dad on the lips.

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- Than eat poop!? Wow!

00:00:09.059 --> 00:00:10.660
(upbeat acoustic music)

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- Yeah, my boss just sat
me down and was like,

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"Hey, we want to give you a raise."

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And I was like, "What?"

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Like it does suck that like,
you know taxes and stuff.

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I'm like in a new bracket.

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It's just like I can put into my 401k.

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You know, just start
planning for the future.

00:00:25.114 --> 00:00:27.001
You should start planning
for the future, really.

00:00:27.001 --> 00:00:27.725
- Hey man, are you all right?

00:00:27.725 --> 00:00:28.572
You look a little thin.

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You should hit the gym.

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You gotta make time man, it's your body.

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You gotta like, look good, feel good.

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Diet, workout, cardio.

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(breathes through teeth)

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Just got like three texts from
different girls last night.

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Crazy, I don't even remember their names.

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- Wow.
- [Guy with Hat] Yeah,

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there were so many.

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- So many.

00:00:43.266 --> 00:00:46.794
- Would you rather poop
a pineapple or eat glass?

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- Poop a pineapple?

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- Eww. Nasty.

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- Hey, so are you ever gonna pay me back?

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- For what?

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- Three years ago, when I
bought you that beer at the bar.

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Are you kidding me?

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You forgot that?

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- That makes me think of all
the times I bought you beers.

00:01:03.271 --> 00:01:04.576
- That is so different.

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- What are you talking
about so different...

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- You offered it.

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I spot you money.

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- You gotta let me like,
take you out sometime man.

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- I'm fine...
- [Guy with hat] I'll wing man

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you man.
- [Blond guy] I'm good.

00:01:14.080 --> 00:01:15.103
- No, no. I'll be the best wing man.

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We're gonna go hard, get some numbers.

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Pull some numbers, get some chicks.

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- Are people really out on Tuesdays?

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- Where'd you get that hat?

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- Oh, I bought it online.

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Yeah, it's...
- [Asian guy] You bought

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it online?

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- Yeah, pretty cool huh?

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- Yeah, that's pretty cool.

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It looks just like my hat.

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- It's different.
- [Asian guy] Dude!

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It's the same brand and same logo

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and everything.

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We're wearing the same exact pants too.

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- What's the problem if I
get the same jacket as you?

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- It's kind of a problem,
we look the same!

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- You know, I might be skinny but I can

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still beat you in basketball.

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- Okay, that one game where you beat me

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by like two points.

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There was like this wind and...

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- Oh my God!

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- Rim was like weird.

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- Are you kidding me?

00:01:49.254 --> 00:01:52.517
- Would you rather have your
leg eaten off by a shark

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or kiss Chad on the lips?

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- Seriously?

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(upbeat acoustic music)