- Yo, would you rather eat poop,
or kiss your dad on the lips?
- What?
Probably kiss my dad on the lips.
- Than eat poop!? Wow!
(upbeat acoustic music)
- Yeah, my boss just sat me down and was like,
"Hey, we want to give you a raise."
And I was like, "What?"
Like it does suck that like, you know taxes and stuff.
I'm like in a new bracket.
It's just like I can put into my 401k.
You know, just start planning for the future.
You should start planning for the future, really.
- Hey man, are you all right?
You look a little thin.
You should hit the gym.
You gotta make time man, it's your body.
You gotta like, look good, feel good.
Diet, workout, cardio.
(breathes through teeth)
Just got like three texts from different girls last night.
Crazy, I don't even remember their names.
- Wow. - [Guy with Hat] Yeah,
there were so many.
- So many.
- Would you rather poop a pineapple or eat glass?
- Poop a pineapple?
- Eww. Nasty.
- Hey, so are you ever gonna pay me back?
- For what?
- Three years ago, when I bought you that beer at the bar.
Are you kidding me?
You forgot that?
- That makes me think of all the times I bought you beers.
- That is so different.
- What are you talking about so different...
- You offered it.
I spot you money.
- You gotta let me like, take you out sometime man.
- I'm fine... - [Guy with hat] I'll wing man
you man. - [Blond guy] I'm good.
- No, no. I'll be the best wing man.
We're gonna go hard, get some numbers.
Pull some numbers, get some chicks.
- Are people really out on Tuesdays?
- Where'd you get that hat?
- Oh, I bought it online.
Yeah, it's... - [Asian guy] You bought
it online?
- Yeah, pretty cool huh?
- Yeah, that's pretty cool.
It looks just like my hat.
- It's different. - [Asian guy] Dude!
It's the same brand and same logo
and everything.
We're wearing the same exact pants too.
- What's the problem if I get the same jacket as you?
- It's kind of a problem, we look the same!
- You know, I might be skinny but I can
still beat you in basketball.
- Okay, that one game where you beat me
by like two points.
There was like this wind and...
- Oh my God!
- Rim was like weird.
- Are you kidding me?
- Would you rather have your leg eaten off by a shark
or kiss Chad on the lips?
- Seriously?
(upbeat acoustic music)