WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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- Goin' on an adventure today.

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I'm gonna let Twitter make
all my decisions for me.

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I'm gonna send out a question.

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They're gonna send out responses.

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I'm gonna pick the two best.

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Then I'm gonna have people vote,

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and then I'm gonna do the thing.

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That's what's gonna happen.

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(upbeat music)

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I woke up in the morning
like any old boy would.

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And I'm like, "I gotta
have breakfast today.

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"But why don't I let Twitter decide

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"what I eat for breakfast."

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I think they're gonna
choose pancakes and bacon,

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but maybe they'll choose
a healthy option for me

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so I can stay skinny.

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They chose pancakes and
bacon over avocado toast.

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Before I left the house, I
had one more quick question.

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"Should I make the bed or nah?"

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They're like, "Don't."

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Yeah, whatever.

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On my way to House of Pies.

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House of Pies, House of Pies.

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Came in and no one spoke to me.

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I got my pancakes and bacon.

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I don't really like pancakes.

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Last bite.

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Clean plate club.

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And I felt terrible.

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(burp)

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Oh, bacon and pancakes.

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(instrumental music)

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Stairs.

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Most of the internet either wanted me

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to fuck with Ned or they wanted me

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to go up and hug people, kiss people.

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So, I sent out a poll.

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They chose, "Fuck with Ned."

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Poor Ned.

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I took Ned's keyboard and mouse.

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Ned, you lookin', you lookin'
for your mouse and keyboard?

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- Yeah.

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(laughing)

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Twitter wants me to get a makeover

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instead of wearing my clothes backwards.

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I woulda chose "Clothes backwards."

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Colin, at the same time,
is producing a video

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called, "Canned Food Roulette."

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Look at those cans.

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Condensed milk.

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That is the worst thing I could get.

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I'm lactose intolerant,

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and that's just triple milk.

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This dairy on top of
the bacon and pancakes

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is starting to make a set of mistakes

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that will come into play later.

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(burping)

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Now I'm gonna go get a makeover.

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So would using that foundation

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make it look like I'm trying
to be a different race.

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- Maybe a little Latino, yeah.

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- Let's skip that.

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- Okay.

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- She's a very nice Latina girl,

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and she gives me very
nice Latina girl makeup.

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The same makeup on two different faces.

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We look exactly the same.

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Realizing my beauty, I've gotta
take this out to the public.

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Lookin' so fresh, so fine.

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'Bout to go narrate some people

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as they live their every day life.

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We can go out this door, right?

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- [Voiceover] Yeah.

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- Great.

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She walked out, barely noticing him.

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Earbuds in.

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Sipping her coffee.

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Didn't cause a stir in her
that he looked so beautiful.

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Most people completely ignored me.

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You know, either they heard me

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and decided not to approach

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the man in crazy looking makeup,

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or they just didn't hear me,

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until a very nice lady, who
actually was also Latina.

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So maybe that is way.

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She strode confidently
down Sunset Boulevard,

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stopping for a second, backing up.

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What's going on?

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Walking a little bit
more enthusiastically.

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She continued through,
waved at a stranger,

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continued on, hands on
hip, couldn't stop her.

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It's her Wednesday.

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It's her Wednesday.

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Hey, what are you doing right now?

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I'm doing a thing today where I let

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Twitter control everything that I do.

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- Oh hey.

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- Well you're going to Sugarfish.

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- Yeah.

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- Should I ask Twitter if I go with you?

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- Do you wanna come with us?

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- Yeah.

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Look at us, look at us.
- [Marissa] Hi, Hollywood.

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This is what it's like.

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- I have a delightful sushi
lunch with her and her friend.

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However, raw fish on top of the dairy

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and pancakes and bacon,

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my stomach is torn apart.

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I'm farting.

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(soft music)

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Zach gets in on the fun.

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- I decided to enter the party.

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I don't know if it's
against the rules but.

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- Boy, you've got a lot of tension.

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- Yeah I know I do.

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- You're such a small guy.

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You know what, I don't feel bad about it,

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cause Zach really needed to work out

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some knots in his back.

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- Ah, oh, right there, yeah, yeah, yeah.

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I'm not getting, oh.

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- He's a wound up little boy.

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I'm on my way to get
some rotisserie chicken.

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Which I normally would be thrilled about,

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except that I'm still
wearing this god damn makeup

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cause Twitter won't let me take it off.

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You did this to me Twitter.

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I will say though, you
guys made the right call.

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Look at that.

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Oh, look at that baby.

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So, as I leave the Middle
Eastern restaurant,

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in my stomach I have, half a chicken,

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raw fish, condensed milk,
and pancakes and bacon.

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Everything decides it's time to leave.

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This is bad, everybody.

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I gotta poop really bad and I'm driving.

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Almost there.

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Almost there.

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I gotta stop filming.

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I gotta text Alex that I have to poop.

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I get there in time.

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Thank God.

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I poop the kinda poop that
you don't want to talk about.

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And then I get ready to lay
down some sick rap tracks.

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Yeah, Yessica's here.

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She about to lay down some sweet lyrics.

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Twitter decided.

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And also, I still got the makeup.

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♫ Cats, kittens, and piggies

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♫ Cats, kittens, and piggies

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♫ Bulldogs and look

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♫ Cats, kittens, and piggies

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It's a really cool song I'm writing.

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You'll see it soon.

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I'm almost done with my day.

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I'm like, "Alright,
it's time to head home."

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I ask again, however, if
I can take off my makeup.

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They're like, "Nah."

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Almost home.

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I get home and Becky's upset.

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What were you just mad at me about?

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- [Voiceover] Because
I had to make the bed.

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- Cause you had to make the bed?

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- [Voiceover] When I got home.

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- It wasn't my fault.

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It was Twitter's fault.

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I think that she's gonna be like,

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"Keith, get that makeup off of you."

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However.

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(instrumental music)

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Moral of the story, and I
don't know if there is one.

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I found out that I have a lot
of lady Twitter followers,

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and they love the idea of
keeping me in makeup forever.

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Should you let Twitter
run your day all the time?

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Probably not.

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Will you have the opportunity to

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discover new things and
became a Latina lady?

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Probably.

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(instrumental music)

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That's it.

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(instrumental music)