WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.000 (solemn music) 00:00:06.467 --> 00:00:08.040 - [Voiceover] Dear Mom, 00:00:08.040 --> 00:00:09.999 these are the flowers I would have bought you 00:00:09.999 --> 00:00:12.849 and this is the card I would have written you. 00:00:15.549 --> 00:00:19.012 I've spent most of my life trying to fill in the blanks. 00:00:19.012 --> 00:00:20.933 Asking everyone around me about you. 00:00:20.933 --> 00:00:24.712 The memories of you tucked away in a box in the attic. 00:00:24.712 --> 00:00:26.893 I don't remember what your perfume smelled like, 00:00:26.893 --> 00:00:28.133 or what made you laugh, 00:00:28.133 --> 00:00:30.232 but I'll never forget lying in your hospital bed 00:00:30.232 --> 00:00:32.773 drawing pictures with you. 00:00:32.773 --> 00:00:34.993 Your rebellious little six year old. 00:00:36.583 --> 00:00:38.268 I'm writing this because I wanna tell you 00:00:38.268 --> 00:00:39.955 that you were so strong. 00:00:39.955 --> 00:00:41.475 That I wish you didn't have to look at your daughter 00:00:41.475 --> 00:00:43.335 knowing that you'd never see her get taller, 00:00:43.335 --> 00:00:44.795 get heartbroken, get married. 00:00:46.255 --> 00:00:47.783 I'm sorry that I always made you pick me up 00:00:47.783 --> 00:00:49.523 when you were so weak. 00:00:49.523 --> 00:00:51.143 That I tripped over your IV pole. 00:00:52.353 --> 00:00:55.524 The Christmas I complained that I didn't get what I wanted. 00:00:55.524 --> 00:00:57.185 Being afraid of your wig. 00:00:57.185 --> 00:00:59.008 I'm sorry for the fits I threw, 00:00:59.008 --> 00:01:01.158 the I love you moms I never got to say. 00:01:02.118 --> 00:01:03.722 And I'm sorry that it's taken me 21 years 00:01:03.722 --> 00:01:06.202 to write this card, and it's still not perfect. 00:01:07.622 --> 00:01:09.169 I'm writing this because I'd give anything 00:01:09.169 --> 00:01:10.889 just to be able to fight with you. 00:01:10.889 --> 00:01:12.949 I never got to ignore your phone calls 00:01:12.949 --> 00:01:14.585 because you were too overbearing. 00:01:14.585 --> 00:01:16.245 I never got to introduce you to girlfriends 00:01:16.245 --> 00:01:17.972 or boyfriends you say are bad for me, 00:01:17.972 --> 00:01:19.492 and I tell you that you don't understand, 00:01:19.492 --> 00:01:22.152 but months later I realize that you were right. 00:01:23.602 --> 00:01:24.892 I'm writing this because I'm angry 00:01:24.892 --> 00:01:27.313 that I have to live life only part way. 00:01:27.313 --> 00:01:29.013 All the yearbook pictures I took 00:01:29.013 --> 00:01:30.692 without you to do my hair, 00:01:30.692 --> 00:01:33.193 the lunches I made myself. 00:01:33.193 --> 00:01:36.073 I feel like I'm missing out on a huge part of being a woman 00:01:36.073 --> 00:01:37.793 because you're not here. 00:01:37.793 --> 00:01:39.812 Like a part of me is in that coffin with you, 00:01:39.812 --> 00:01:40.832 holding onto your leg, 00:01:40.832 --> 00:01:43.992 while I scoot across the floor begging you not to go. 00:01:45.812 --> 00:01:47.513 You were so beautiful. 00:01:47.513 --> 00:01:49.492 It's insane to believe that anyone 00:01:49.492 --> 00:01:52.473 as beautiful as you ever existed on this earth. 00:01:53.713 --> 00:01:56.332 I'm writing this because I wish you were here, 00:01:56.332 --> 00:01:58.952 I wish you could see the woman that I've grown into. 00:01:58.952 --> 00:02:00.393 I wish I knew which flowers you liked 00:02:00.393 --> 00:02:01.912 and that I could put them in your hands, 00:02:01.912 --> 00:02:04.413 rather than on a plot of grass with your name on it. 00:02:05.863 --> 00:02:09.213 I'm writing this because I wanna say thank you. 00:02:09.213 --> 00:02:11.592 No matter how sick you were all you wanted to do 00:02:11.592 --> 00:02:13.753 was make sure I felt loved. 00:02:13.753 --> 00:02:15.992 Thank you for taking me to Disney World 00:02:15.992 --> 00:02:17.693 when you were in a wheelchair, 00:02:17.693 --> 00:02:20.053 letting me draw those pictures in your hospital bed, 00:02:20.053 --> 00:02:21.873 writing me letters like you knew 00:02:21.873 --> 00:02:23.952 I'd grow up to be who I am. 00:02:23.952 --> 00:02:27.152 Making me feel like I was so special and so smart. 00:02:32.902 --> 00:02:34.813 I feel like I'll always be that six year old 00:02:34.813 --> 00:02:35.873 with a mind of her own, 00:02:35.873 --> 00:02:37.852 that didn't take orders and doesn't wear dresses. 00:02:37.852 --> 00:02:39.392 That's still waiting for her mom to wake up 00:02:39.392 --> 00:02:41.492 and tell her that everything is okay again. 00:02:43.502 --> 00:02:45.352 I'm writing this because I'll never love anyone 00:02:45.352 --> 00:02:47.092 as much as I miss you. 00:02:47.092 --> 00:02:49.152 Happy Mother's Day.