WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.172 --> 00:00:04.469 - It's like living with like a leash on, a little bit. 00:00:04.469 --> 00:00:05.910 You can do some stuff, 00:00:05.910 --> 00:00:07.883 but every now and then you remember that it's there. 00:00:12.083 --> 00:00:14.547 - I was living in Japan during the earhquake in 2011. 00:00:14.547 --> 00:00:17.214 - A few weeks and months of political unrest 00:00:17.214 --> 00:00:18.877 while I was living overseas. 00:00:18.877 --> 00:00:20.897 We lived with bags by the door, ready to go, 00:00:20.897 --> 00:00:22.208 in case we needed to get out. 00:00:22.208 --> 00:00:25.657 - I found out in 2008 I had PTSD, Complex PTSD, 00:00:25.657 --> 00:00:28.667 but I think the diagnosis should have probably been made 00:00:28.667 --> 00:00:30.571 when I was 14 years old. 00:00:30.571 --> 00:00:33.834 - I was raped and as a result 00:00:34.184 --> 00:00:36.610 I live with PTSD. 00:00:36.610 --> 00:00:40.100 - The civil war in Lebanon broke out in 1975. 00:00:40.100 --> 00:00:42.310 I was only 17 years old. 00:00:42.310 --> 00:00:45.386 I lived through that for about 12 years. 00:00:46.446 --> 00:00:49.491 - As it kind of sunk in, I started to feel really guilty, 00:00:50.001 --> 00:00:53.124 because I had always associated PTSD 00:00:53.124 --> 00:00:55.234 with people who had been to war, 00:00:55.234 --> 00:00:58.082 and I just didn't think I deserved it. 00:01:02.872 --> 00:01:04.831 - The PTSD triggers, they ambush you. 00:01:04.831 --> 00:01:06.419 You don't know when it's going to come. 00:01:06.419 --> 00:01:08.588 It's with the unknown every day you wake up and 00:01:08.588 --> 00:01:11.902 you don't know if you are going to have a trigger today. 00:01:11.902 --> 00:01:13.921 - I was at a movie 00:01:13.921 --> 00:01:15.814 and there's a part where 00:01:15.814 --> 00:01:18.318 this woman got trapped in a car. 00:01:18.318 --> 00:01:19.863 I had a serious panic attack. 00:01:19.863 --> 00:01:21.252 - There's a song that was talking about 00:01:21.252 --> 00:01:23.335 like, shooting and armed robbery. 00:01:23.335 --> 00:01:25.501 And just hearing that song, like, 00:01:25.501 --> 00:01:26.874 that was all it took. 00:01:26.874 --> 00:01:28.839 - Something happened when I was 13 00:01:28.839 --> 00:01:31.223 and when my trigger happens, in that moment, 00:01:31.223 --> 00:01:32.742 I am 13. 00:01:32.742 --> 00:01:35.573 - Usuallly the sounds of jet planes overhead 00:01:35.923 --> 00:01:40.296 would trigger off the memory for me of those days. 00:01:40.296 --> 00:01:42.845 It would make me feel weak in the legs, 00:01:42.845 --> 00:01:45.160 and my memory will go back to that time, 00:01:45.160 --> 00:01:47.355 trying to look after my children when they were little 00:01:47.355 --> 00:01:48.704 and protect them. 00:01:49.914 --> 00:01:52.033 All I have to do is hear a jet plane, 00:01:52.033 --> 00:01:54.161 and that's where my mind will go. 00:01:54.161 --> 00:01:57.534 - At times it has literally felt like I'm dying. 00:01:58.564 --> 00:02:02.883 You feel like you're never going to get past this. 00:02:06.183 --> 00:02:10.048 One of the things that's helped me a lot was group therapy. 00:02:10.048 --> 00:02:12.300 This happens to more people than you think. 00:02:12.300 --> 00:02:14.077 - I start to have a conversation 00:02:14.077 --> 00:02:16.405 with this thing that you have. 00:02:16.405 --> 00:02:18.504 - I did counseling for two years in college. 00:02:18.504 --> 00:02:19.988 It felt like that got my life 00:02:19.988 --> 00:02:21.566 into a pretty manageable place. 00:02:21.566 --> 00:02:24.785 - I am trying to build up the courage 00:02:24.785 --> 00:02:26.705 to attempt a support group. 00:02:26.705 --> 00:02:29.454 - I would have these days where you're just like, 00:02:29.454 --> 00:02:31.294 you know, there's nothing I can do 00:02:31.294 --> 00:02:33.259 to do anything that you're supposed to do. 00:02:33.259 --> 00:02:35.510 In group therapy, someone called it a lost day. 00:02:35.510 --> 00:02:37.671 It's such a simple thing, but putting 00:02:38.061 --> 00:02:41.922 the words "lost day" to those days 00:02:41.922 --> 00:02:43.983 helped me, like, overcome. 00:02:43.983 --> 00:02:46.447 - And I think accepting that is really important, 00:02:46.447 --> 00:02:48.451 and to just be, like, it's OK to, like, freak out. 00:02:48.721 --> 00:02:50.594 And just be, like, this is scary, because it's scary. 00:02:50.594 --> 00:02:53.172 - And don't ever tell them to get over it, 00:02:53.172 --> 00:02:56.049 because it's extremely painful. 00:03:05.229 --> 00:03:08.231 - It takes practice, and it takes patience, 00:03:08.231 --> 00:03:09.189 and it takes faith. 00:03:09.189 --> 00:03:10.385 You have to know that the fact 00:03:10.385 --> 00:03:12.556 that you've been through something so traumatic, 00:03:12.556 --> 00:03:13.791 and you're here, 00:03:13.791 --> 00:03:16.344 you are much stronger than you think you are. 00:03:16.344 --> 00:03:18.207 - Don't feel guilty when you have a good day. 00:03:18.207 --> 00:03:19.749 - Give yourself time to heal. 00:03:19.749 --> 00:03:21.453 - You can't judge yourself for it. 00:03:21.453 --> 00:03:23.679 - It'll never be the same, but it can get better. 00:03:23.679 --> 00:03:25.590 And it's worth whatever it's going to take. 00:03:25.590 --> 00:03:27.038 You can have a better life. 00:03:27.038 --> 00:03:28.965 - There's light at the end of the tunnel. 00:03:28.965 --> 00:03:31.519 You've just got to find the right thing that works for you. 00:03:31.519 --> 00:03:34.391 - And getting help is not a sign of weakness. 00:03:34.391 --> 00:03:37.501 It takes a lot of strength and a lot of courage. 00:03:38.691 --> 00:03:40.736 And you deserve the happiness 00:03:40.736 --> 00:03:42.500 that comes with getting better. 00:03:42.500 --> 00:03:43.526 - My name is Kate. 00:03:43.526 --> 00:03:44.906 - My name is Tammy. 00:03:44.906 --> 00:03:45.893 - My name is Kirk. 00:03:45.893 --> 00:03:47.653 - [All] And I live with PTSD.