- Hey! Sorry I'm late.
- That's okay.
- Has the match already started?
- Game, not match.
Is that white wine?
- Yeah, should I have brought red?
(dramatic opera music)
(muffled yells and groans)
(television game announcement)
- Oh. Not in my house.
Can I get a re-rack?
- Dude, you are missing the entire game in there.
- Hey, I will come in at the commercials.
- I'm guessing this isn't really your scene?
- Being a non-sports fan in this town here kinda sucks.
(indistinguishable conversation)
When people are talking about the game,
they might as well be speaking another language.
- Two TDs, that's a fantasy team.
- Redskins on D.
- Hey, you know who's on my fantasy team?
- Huh?
- J.R.R. Tolkien.
- Did you get him off the waiver ware?
- When you tell people you don't watch sports,
they just think you're weird.
Yeah, my family just didn't watch
that much sports growing up.
- Did you not have a TV or something?
- (stammering) I did.
Or they think you're an idiot.
- Gentlemen, we are going to need
a full court press on this, okay.
Chris, full court press, it's a basketball analogy.
It's where you pick up your opponent at the baseline.
It just means added effort.
- [Voiceover] Sometimes, I'll just pretend to be interested
so people don't hassle me.
- Are you serious?
Flacco threw more that 4,000 yards last season.
- You're gonna look me in the eyes
and tell me that he's a better quarterback
than Andrew Luck?
- Oh.
- Tom Brady.
- It's a good point.
- No, yeah, that makes sense.
- But, why do you hate sports?
- I mean, playing sports is fine.
But watching sports is boring.
It has absolutely no impact on anyone's life.
- But House of Swords does?
(upbeat medieval flute music)
- House of Swords is totally different.
That is characters.
That is storytelling.
That is raw, human emotion.
- So are sports.
It's the narrative, the team, the players.
Dynasties rising and falling.
Fortunes won and lost in an instant.
Sports give us community,
Identity,
and let's face it,
sports have the best parties.
- [Voiceover] They're basically tribal cults,
like nationalism.
They cause fights,
riots,
chaos.
It's medieval,
and not in a good, House of Swords way.
- [Voiceover] Exactly.
Society needs that primal release.
You just don't like watching sports,
because you aren't willing to face the truth,
that human beings are just animals.
- No, I just-
(stammering)
I just don't understand why anyone would get so worked up
over something that doesn't even matter.
(singing) House of Swords, House of Swords, Sunday night,
House of Swords.
Run, you little bitch, run.
Get out of the cave!
God, the effects are always great,
and when the ravens just coming out--
- The Ravens, Baltimore Ravens?
- Wait a minute, you don't watch House of Swords?
- No, I fell asleep during the pilot.
- This is the most important thing in culture right now.
- Such a good show!
It is exciting, and it is heart-wrenching.
There's a new world you get to look in.
- Why does everyone wear a vest?
- Because that's their uniforms.
Oh my god, it is just like sports.
(upbeat medieval flute music)
You guys like Gatorade?
- I do.
- Gatorade's pretty sick.
- It's got electrolytes.