- How do you know alien genetics? - I don't know alien genetics.
Neither do you.
We're not gonna know until one of us puts
our thingy in one of their 15 holes.
- Well, you know folks, space technology is
really advancing.
Got that nice photo of Pluto.
Found water on Mars.
We are going places, so I think we all
know we've gotta ask ourselves one question.
Would you fuck an alien?
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- If you're a consenting alien, I would have sex with you.
- I wouldn't have sex with them.
- Pro-alien fucking.
- Team not putting my dick inside
of an alien.
- I would fuck an alien.
- I would not fuck an unidentified foreign object.
- I would fuck an alien.
- Fucking an alien is very irresponsible.
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- We've made contact with alien life.
Oh my god.
And your first response is you wanna fuck it?
- Why not?
- There are a lot of steps to go through before
we even consider fucking an alien.
- If they wanted to talk to us, they would
have talked to us by now, which means they're only
coming here to do one thing and one thing only.
- In the scenario that aliens come to Earth and say,
"Hey, we just wanna fuck you, it's cool,"
somethings up.
- Being less intelligent than humans, they maybe don't
understand the consequences of possible conception,
STDs, moral and emotional consequences.
- They're obviously gonna be more advanced than we are.
They came here, we're certainly not going to them.
- Maybe we're going to them.
- NASA's defunded, man.
- Yeah, but space sex.
- It's true but they keep blowing up.
- When they land.
- Let's talk about the genitalia.
We don't know what they got.
- Exactly, isn't that exciting?
That's so exciting.
- They could have barbed wire dicks.
- Assuming they can wield one of these.
- Oh, wield, that sounds so violent.
- Who's to say that alien semen isn't toxic
to human beings.
Maybe it's like fiberglass.
Maybe you won't know until like a week later
when it itches really bad.
- Well, then you know what, Collin,
oopsy doopsy.
- I'd be very surprised if their concept sex even involved,
um, ejaculation, right?
- Would you still feel comfortable having sex with
a male alien or maybe a gender non-conforming alien?
I think that that's also something to bring up.
- It could be the kind of thing, you know how praying
mantis have sex?
The female rips the male's fucking head off and eats it.
- Sure, we would communicate about this and
we'll have a safe word.
- You don't know that.
You don't know that.
- But this sounds like so much fun.
- No, because next we're gonna talk about diseases.
- Someone has to say it, space AIDS.
- Oh yeah, you think a condom is gonna deal
with alien pathogens?
Bullshit.
- What happens when you get alien pregnant?
- That will be exciting.
- No, no. You don't believe that.
- So then I'm stuck with a alien baby, literally,
and I'm starting now a new species.
- Isn't that fascinating?
- There was somebody impregnated by an alien
that burst out of their chest.
- That's certainly a concern of mine.
- There's no way you'd ever be able to get
pregnant by something that doesn't have
the same zygotes as a person.
If a horse--
- How do you know that they're not like, wizards?
- That's, I can't argue that.
How do you know they're not wizards?
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- I think that we should be welcoming
and if they wanna have sex with me--
- Really, really welcoming.
- The first time you have sex
it's like, whoa.
This is an opportunity to have that experience again.
- It may have been bad to fall in love with
somebody of a different race, creed, religious background,
in the past, but some people broke through those barriers
and some people said, you know what?
Love is love.
- You're saying I don't wanna be on the wrong side
of history here?
- Yeah. - That's what the argument is?
- Yeah, because you don't know alien and human love
could exist.
- You're the first person in the world,
you'd be the Christopher Columbus of having
sex with aliens.
No, that's not a good reference because Christopher
Columbus is bad.
- How do you know you haven't had sex with an alien yet?
- I mean...
- I'm gonna have sex with it if we connect
and then I'm gonna have the coolest, weirdest sex
imaginable and you can't have any of it because
I'm too busy having it.
- Would you have sex with an alien that you weren't
in love with?
- If the alien was hot.
- The fact that you're thinking about this means
that you're imaging a sexy alien which is fucked up
in its own right.
- No.
- What if it's just like a ball of energy that just makes
you have the most powerful orgasm you've ever had?
You'll never know.
- An orgasm that would be
out of this world?
- That's pretty good.
- You're just talking about fucking him out of the gate.
Oh, this alien shows up, it's got two legs, 15 holes,
whatever you need and then you're gonna go for it.
- Alright, I do not need 15 holes.
I need one.
- I want to know, like, what you think the actual sex
would be like and I need you to tell me.
- It's like every other sex.
It's about 45 seconds long and I come at the end.
Please don't let my parents see me say the word come.
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- I wouldn't have sex with an alien, just tell
people I had sex with an alien.
- I'm gonna do this for science.
I'm gonna do this for exploration and I'm gonna
do this because I wanna ride a goddamned spaceship.
- I think this just comes down to wonderment.
- I really got too much shit on my plate right now.
- If aliens do come to Earth, I saw we can't trust then.
- Be adventurous.
We're young, let's live it.
- The future of the human race is completely
dependent on us not fucking this up.
- Yeah, we might destroy the human race,
but we might destroy the human race by coming
up with a better race.
Also, imagine me having sex with 15 holes like
a whack-a-mole game and I think you'll
get a smile on your face.
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- Maybe all aliens look like goats.
Are you gonna go fuck a goat?
- I will fuck an alien that looks like a goat.
I need to fuck the alien goat before I find out if
there's fiberglass in the goat alien vagina.