WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.151 --> 00:00:02.751 - How do you know alien genetics? - I don't know alien genetics. 00:00:02.751 --> 00:00:03.891 Neither do you. 00:00:03.891 --> 00:00:05.711 We're not gonna know until one of us puts 00:00:05.711 --> 00:00:07.931 our thingy in one of their 15 holes. 00:00:07.931 --> 00:00:10.071 - Well, you know folks, space technology is 00:00:10.071 --> 00:00:11.331 really advancing. 00:00:11.331 --> 00:00:13.071 Got that nice photo of Pluto. 00:00:13.071 --> 00:00:14.791 Found water on Mars. 00:00:14.791 --> 00:00:16.611 We are going places, so I think we all 00:00:16.611 --> 00:00:19.051 know we've gotta ask ourselves one question. 00:00:19.051 --> 00:00:21.351 Would you fuck an alien? 00:00:21.351 --> 00:00:26.241 (upbeat music) 00:00:26.911 --> 00:00:29.451 - If you're a consenting alien, I would have sex with you. 00:00:29.451 --> 00:00:30.811 - I wouldn't have sex with them. 00:00:30.811 --> 00:00:32.131 - Pro-alien fucking. 00:00:32.131 --> 00:00:33.651 - Team not putting my dick inside 00:00:33.651 --> 00:00:34.711 of an alien. 00:00:34.711 --> 00:00:36.091 - I would fuck an alien. 00:00:36.091 --> 00:00:39.731 - I would not fuck an unidentified foreign object. 00:00:39.731 --> 00:00:41.571 - I would fuck an alien. 00:00:41.571 --> 00:00:43.971 - Fucking an alien is very irresponsible. 00:00:43.971 --> 00:00:47.371 (upbeat music) 00:00:47.371 --> 00:00:48.871 - We've made contact with alien life. 00:00:48.871 --> 00:00:49.891 Oh my god. 00:00:49.891 --> 00:00:52.632 And your first response is you wanna fuck it? 00:00:52.632 --> 00:00:54.512 - Why not? 00:00:54.512 --> 00:00:56.212 - There are a lot of steps to go through before 00:00:56.212 --> 00:00:57.972 we even consider fucking an alien. 00:00:57.972 --> 00:01:00.252 - If they wanted to talk to us, they would 00:01:00.252 --> 00:01:02.232 have talked to us by now, which means they're only 00:01:02.232 --> 00:01:04.212 coming here to do one thing and one thing only. 00:01:04.212 --> 00:01:05.872 - In the scenario that aliens come to Earth and say, 00:01:05.872 --> 00:01:07.232 "Hey, we just wanna fuck you, it's cool," 00:01:07.232 --> 00:01:08.532 somethings up. 00:01:08.532 --> 00:01:11.272 - Being less intelligent than humans, they maybe don't 00:01:11.272 --> 00:01:14.912 understand the consequences of possible conception, 00:01:14.912 --> 00:01:17.872 STDs, moral and emotional consequences. 00:01:17.872 --> 00:01:20.532 - They're obviously gonna be more advanced than we are. 00:01:20.532 --> 00:01:22.872 They came here, we're certainly not going to them. 00:01:22.872 --> 00:01:24.312 - Maybe we're going to them. 00:01:24.312 --> 00:01:25.752 - NASA's defunded, man. 00:01:25.752 --> 00:01:27.112 - Yeah, but space sex. 00:01:27.112 --> 00:01:28.592 - It's true but they keep blowing up. 00:01:28.592 --> 00:01:30.472 - When they land. 00:01:30.472 --> 00:01:32.572 - Let's talk about the genitalia. 00:01:32.572 --> 00:01:33.832 We don't know what they got. 00:01:33.832 --> 00:01:35.172 - Exactly, isn't that exciting? 00:01:35.172 --> 00:01:36.552 That's so exciting. 00:01:36.552 --> 00:01:38.492 - They could have barbed wire dicks. 00:01:38.492 --> 00:01:40.832 - Assuming they can wield one of these. 00:01:40.832 --> 00:01:44.012 - Oh, wield, that sounds so violent. 00:01:44.012 --> 00:01:47.212 - Who's to say that alien semen isn't toxic 00:01:47.212 --> 00:01:48.632 to human beings. 00:01:48.632 --> 00:01:50.152 Maybe it's like fiberglass. 00:01:50.152 --> 00:01:52.292 Maybe you won't know until like a week later 00:01:52.292 --> 00:01:53.792 when it itches really bad. 00:01:53.792 --> 00:01:55.472 - Well, then you know what, Collin, 00:01:55.472 --> 00:01:56.592 oopsy doopsy. 00:01:56.592 --> 00:02:00.232 - I'd be very surprised if their concept sex even involved, 00:02:00.232 --> 00:02:03.172 um, ejaculation, right? 00:02:03.172 --> 00:02:05.692 - Would you still feel comfortable having sex with 00:02:05.692 --> 00:02:08.352 a male alien or maybe a gender non-conforming alien? 00:02:08.352 --> 00:02:10.552 I think that that's also something to bring up. 00:02:10.552 --> 00:02:11.952 - It could be the kind of thing, you know how praying 00:02:11.952 --> 00:02:12.952 mantis have sex? 00:02:12.952 --> 00:02:15.332 The female rips the male's fucking head off and eats it. 00:02:15.332 --> 00:02:16.792 - Sure, we would communicate about this and 00:02:16.792 --> 00:02:17.632 we'll have a safe word. 00:02:17.632 --> 00:02:18.592 - You don't know that. 00:02:18.592 --> 00:02:19.672 You don't know that. 00:02:19.672 --> 00:02:20.792 - But this sounds like so much fun. 00:02:20.792 --> 00:02:22.872 - No, because next we're gonna talk about diseases. 00:02:22.872 --> 00:02:24.412 - Someone has to say it, space AIDS. 00:02:24.412 --> 00:02:26.352 - Oh yeah, you think a condom is gonna deal 00:02:26.352 --> 00:02:28.192 with alien pathogens? 00:02:28.192 --> 00:02:29.232 Bullshit. 00:02:29.232 --> 00:02:30.852 - What happens when you get alien pregnant? 00:02:30.852 --> 00:02:32.972 - That will be exciting. 00:02:32.972 --> 00:02:34.652 - No, no. You don't believe that. 00:02:34.652 --> 00:02:38.332 - So then I'm stuck with a alien baby, literally, 00:02:38.332 --> 00:02:40.972 and I'm starting now a new species. 00:02:40.972 --> 00:02:42.912 - Isn't that fascinating? 00:02:42.912 --> 00:02:45.072 - There was somebody impregnated by an alien 00:02:45.072 --> 00:02:47.332 that burst out of their chest. 00:02:47.332 --> 00:02:49.012 - That's certainly a concern of mine. 00:02:49.012 --> 00:02:50.452 - There's no way you'd ever be able to get 00:02:50.452 --> 00:02:52.132 pregnant by something that doesn't have 00:02:52.132 --> 00:02:53.992 the same zygotes as a person. 00:02:53.992 --> 00:02:54.832 If a horse-- 00:02:54.832 --> 00:02:56.552 - How do you know that they're not like, wizards? 00:02:56.552 --> 00:02:59.252 - That's, I can't argue that. 00:02:59.252 --> 00:03:00.952 How do you know they're not wizards? 00:03:00.952 --> 00:03:03.452 (upbeat music) 00:03:03.452 --> 00:03:04.712 - I think that we should be welcoming 00:03:04.712 --> 00:03:06.692 and if they wanna have sex with me-- 00:03:06.692 --> 00:03:08.632 - Really, really welcoming. 00:03:08.632 --> 00:03:10.732 - The first time you have sex 00:03:10.732 --> 00:03:11.912 it's like, whoa. 00:03:11.912 --> 00:03:14.972 This is an opportunity to have that experience again. 00:03:14.972 --> 00:03:17.652 - It may have been bad to fall in love with 00:03:17.652 --> 00:03:20.712 somebody of a different race, creed, religious background, 00:03:20.712 --> 00:03:23.772 in the past, but some people broke through those barriers 00:03:23.772 --> 00:03:25.352 and some people said, you know what? 00:03:25.352 --> 00:03:26.652 Love is love. 00:03:26.652 --> 00:03:28.052 - You're saying I don't wanna be on the wrong side 00:03:28.052 --> 00:03:28.992 of history here? 00:03:28.992 --> 00:03:30.232 - Yeah. - That's what the argument is? 00:03:30.232 --> 00:03:31.732 - Yeah, because you don't know alien and human love 00:03:31.732 --> 00:03:32.732 could exist. 00:03:32.732 --> 00:03:33.972 - You're the first person in the world, 00:03:33.972 --> 00:03:35.432 you'd be the Christopher Columbus of having 00:03:35.432 --> 00:03:36.452 sex with aliens. 00:03:36.452 --> 00:03:37.732 No, that's not a good reference because Christopher 00:03:37.732 --> 00:03:38.552 Columbus is bad. 00:03:38.552 --> 00:03:40.752 - How do you know you haven't had sex with an alien yet? 00:03:40.752 --> 00:03:43.172 - I mean... 00:03:43.172 --> 00:03:45.412 - I'm gonna have sex with it if we connect 00:03:45.412 --> 00:03:48.112 and then I'm gonna have the coolest, weirdest sex 00:03:48.112 --> 00:03:50.752 imaginable and you can't have any of it because 00:03:50.752 --> 00:03:51.972 I'm too busy having it. 00:03:51.972 --> 00:03:53.572 - Would you have sex with an alien that you weren't 00:03:53.572 --> 00:03:54.732 in love with? 00:03:54.732 --> 00:03:56.052 - If the alien was hot. 00:03:56.052 --> 00:03:57.832 - The fact that you're thinking about this means 00:03:57.832 --> 00:04:01.632 that you're imaging a sexy alien which is fucked up 00:04:01.632 --> 00:04:02.592 in its own right. 00:04:02.592 --> 00:04:03.352 - No. 00:04:03.352 --> 00:04:04.772 - What if it's just like a ball of energy that just makes 00:04:04.772 --> 00:04:07.112 you have the most powerful orgasm you've ever had? 00:04:07.112 --> 00:04:08.252 You'll never know. 00:04:08.252 --> 00:04:09.452 - An orgasm that would be 00:04:09.452 --> 00:04:11.352 out of this world? 00:04:11.352 --> 00:04:12.812 - That's pretty good. 00:04:12.812 --> 00:04:15.012 - You're just talking about fucking him out of the gate. 00:04:15.012 --> 00:04:18.172 Oh, this alien shows up, it's got two legs, 15 holes, 00:04:18.172 --> 00:04:21.332 whatever you need and then you're gonna go for it. 00:04:21.332 --> 00:04:24.012 - Alright, I do not need 15 holes. 00:04:24.012 --> 00:04:25.272 I need one. 00:04:25.272 --> 00:04:27.652 - I want to know, like, what you think the actual sex 00:04:27.652 --> 00:04:29.312 would be like and I need you to tell me. 00:04:29.312 --> 00:04:31.992 - It's like every other sex. 00:04:31.992 --> 00:04:35.652 It's about 45 seconds long and I come at the end. 00:04:35.652 --> 00:04:39.812 Please don't let my parents see me say the word come. 00:04:39.812 --> 00:04:42.912 (upbeat music) 00:04:42.912 --> 00:04:44.692 - I wouldn't have sex with an alien, just tell 00:04:44.692 --> 00:04:45.992 people I had sex with an alien. 00:04:45.992 --> 00:04:47.352 - I'm gonna do this for science. 00:04:47.352 --> 00:04:49.032 I'm gonna do this for exploration and I'm gonna 00:04:49.032 --> 00:04:51.412 do this because I wanna ride a goddamned spaceship. 00:04:51.412 --> 00:04:54.972 - I think this just comes down to wonderment. 00:04:54.972 --> 00:04:58.112 - I really got too much shit on my plate right now. 00:04:58.112 --> 00:05:01.072 - If aliens do come to Earth, I saw we can't trust then. 00:05:01.072 --> 00:05:02.392 - Be adventurous. 00:05:02.392 --> 00:05:03.872 We're young, let's live it. 00:05:03.872 --> 00:05:05.632 - The future of the human race is completely 00:05:05.632 --> 00:05:08.472 dependent on us not fucking this up. 00:05:08.472 --> 00:05:10.052 - Yeah, we might destroy the human race, 00:05:10.052 --> 00:05:12.212 but we might destroy the human race by coming 00:05:12.212 --> 00:05:13.712 up with a better race. 00:05:13.712 --> 00:05:16.452 Also, imagine me having sex with 15 holes like 00:05:16.452 --> 00:05:18.192 a whack-a-mole game and I think you'll 00:05:18.192 --> 00:05:20.292 get a smile on your face. 00:05:20.292 --> 00:05:25.062 (upbeat music) 00:05:25.772 --> 00:05:27.232 - Maybe all aliens look like goats. 00:05:27.232 --> 00:05:28.552 Are you gonna go fuck a goat? 00:05:28.552 --> 00:05:30.392 - I will fuck an alien that looks like a goat. 00:05:30.392 --> 00:05:33.472 I need to fuck the alien goat before I find out if 00:05:33.472 --> 00:05:35.993 there's fiberglass in the goat alien vagina.