BUTTERFLY BUTT: Hey Flowey,
guess what Rainbow Ass and I did with that carrot last weekend.
Come on, keep eating.
You need to destroy the evidence.
Son of a motherfucker...
Hey, you know the deal,
if you want your pony body back, you have to do what I say.
So just be a good little brother and eat the fucking carrot I shoved up my ass.
Speaking of ass...
Since Rainbow Ass can't keep a fucking secret,
everyone pretty much already knows about me and her anyway.
But I have a solution for that.
In fact, it's my solution for everything if something goes wrong.
Kill everyone and start over.
And right on schedule...
["Welcome To The H.E.R.D. Theme" starts playing] PURPLE STAR (V-O): I, Purple Star,
am on a mission to kill Princess Hot Plot thus taking her place.
Welcome to the Horse Elite of Raging Doom,
or short...
[PURPLE:] Welcome to the, --
BUTTERFLY: Shut up Purps, no one likes you!
RAINBOW ASS: I like her!
In my pants!
(chuckles)
WEISSWURST: Vite Ponys are superior!
POISONED APPLE: What are we doin' here again?
GENERAL WEIRDNESS: The end is neigh!
PURPLE: Come on guys, please?
SLAVE THE DRAGON: Welcome to the what?
[PURPLE:] -- H.E.R.D.!
PURPLE (O-S): Nailed it!
BUTTERFLY (V-O): Season 1, episode 7.
The Bad Dragon On Mount Bigdick.
RAINBOW ASS (V-O): (chuckles)
This is already my favorite episode! [song ends]
PURPLE STAR: Alright everypony,
as you all have probably noticed by the smog cloud over Ponytown,
there's a huge fire burning at the top of Mount Bigdick!
RAINBOW (O-S): (chuckles)
PURPLE: We need to travel to the source and put it out as soon as possible.
BUTTERFLY: I mean...do we really need to?
PURPLE: Of course!
If the fire spreads to Hot Plot's castle, she might get killed in the flames,
making the fire the new ruler of Hasbronyia!
I cannot let the competition strike first!
BUTTERFLY: Did you seriously just call the fire your competition?
PURPLE: Uhuh.
That I certainly did.
BUTTERFLY: I don't think you need to worry about the fire spreading to Hot Plot's castle though.
PURPLE: And why would that be?
BUTTERFLY: Well, the damage would be completely restricted to Ponytown,
so there's really no reason to worry.
PURPLE: Okay.
BUTTERFLY: Oh awesome, now if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go watch from the safe distance of my home.
PURPLE: Wait, if it's gonna destroy Ponytown, we need to take care of it either way!
BUTTERFLY: Can't you just send Slave?
PURPLE (O-S): No can do, he's already busy maintaining our Patreon!
SLAVE THE DRAGON: The link is in the description!
Ow ow ow, come on, it came up organically!
BUTTERFLY: Maybe we should go another time, don't you think, Pur--?
Motherfucking...
...cock-sucking...
...shit.
RAINBOW: Listen Purps,
if we're gonna climb to the top of a huge penis-shaped mountain called Mount Bigdick,
expect me to go a little bit insane...!
PURPLE: Of course I took that into account, my phallic friend!
Just don't touch it and you should be fine!
Alright everypony, let's climb Mount Bigdick! H.E.R.D. W/O PURPLE & BUTTERFLY: Yeah!
BUTTERFLY: Bitch-slapping...
...shiiit!
PURPLE (O-S): We're there.
This is Mount Bigdick!
RAINBOW: It's even bigger than I thought!
I wanna touch it!
POISONED APPLE: Now, hold on there!
Dontcha remember what Purps told ya?
RAINBOW: Hrmph, no touching Mount Bigdick...
PURPLE (O-S): Alright everypony,
"Dethroning 101" has some very useful information on various places in Hasbronyia,
including Mount Bigdick.
In chapter 69-- RAINBOW (O-S): Nice!
PURPLE: --it talks about how it is the most sensitive mountain in the whole area.
BUTTERFLY (O-S): Then maybe we shouldn't climb it?
I mean, the book's gotta know what's best,
after all it's a bestseller.
RAINBOW: Come on Buttbutt, don't be intimidated by its size, I know you'll like it!
Remember the carrot?
BUTTERFLY: I swear to god, asshole, if you say another word about last weekend I'll--
PURPLE: Poisoned Apple, go get her!
POISONED: (through teeth) Ah'm gonna beat yer ass 'til y'all come with me, Butterfly Butt.
RAINBOW (O-S): This is totally like last weekend! (chuckles)
BUTTERFLY: (through teeth) Fucking stop talking!
GENERAL WEIRDNESS: Did we really just skip the skip scene?
PURPLE: Watch out, everypony,
we're almost at the top so we're getting to the most sensitive area:
the tip!
The slightest touch in the wrong spot will make Mount Bigdick burst!
RAINBOW (O-S): Nice! (chuckles)
PURPLE (O-S): It's coming!
RAINBOW (O-S): Yeah, it is! (chuckles)
H.E.R.D.: (scream)
PURPLE: Don't get any of it in your face!
BUTTERFLY (O-S): Really, no shit, Sherlock.
H.E.R.D.: (cough)
PURPLE: What a huge load!
RAINBOW: I do have that effect on people! (chuckles)
WEISSWURST: Igitt, I got some in my mane!
PURPLE: (sighs)
You need to control yourself, Rainbow!
RAINBOW: Hey, come on! It was an accident!
Purps, why are Buttbutt and I even here?
PURPLE: Ass, just...just give me this, okay?
I haven't led a team mission since the Rainbow Diamond Uranus Spiral.
RAINBOW: (chuckles) Good times...
PURPLE: It's too late now to go back anyway.
We're here!
PURPLE: Urethra, we've made it!
BUTTERLFY: I think you mean "Eureka".
PURPLE: I know what I said!
This is the entrance to the Urethra Cave at the very tip of Mount Bigdick.
RAINBOW: (chuckles)
PURPLE: You guys wait here,
I'll go in and see if I can find the source of the fire.
It was very noble of me to go alone.
Nopony in the whole world could've done what I will do today.
Though I may die, I will--
Hold on...
Why should I be the one to die?
Great news, Buttbutt!
Today you will become a hero!
BUTTERFLY: Shit...
PURPLE: Come on, Buttbutt!
Don't touch my butt.
RAINBOW: (through teeth) Well, I fucking gotta touch something!
BUTTERFLY: Stop it!
Both of you!
I started the fire!
RAINBOW: Wait...
We didn't start the fire?
BUTTERFLY: No, you didn't light it but you're trying to fight it!
PURPLE: I don't get it, Butterfly Butt.
Why did you start a fire at the top of Mount Bigdick?
BUTTERFLY: I wanted to kill everyone,
is that so wrong?!
I did it out of love!
RAINBOW: What is love?
BUTTERFLY: Baby, don't hurt me.
Don't hurt me.
No more.
It's because of you, Rainbow Asshole!
You just can't keep your mouth shut about what we do on the weekends together...
I don't want them to know.
But now everypony knows...
Even these idiots.
WEIRDNESS: So you do the hanky-pankies, huh?
BUTTERFLY: Of course we fucking do!
RAINBOW: Of course we do fucking! (chuckles)
BUTTERFLY: So now that the damage has been done, I was gonna kill everyone and start over.
I got my pet Bad Dragon to fire up Mount Bigdick and turn it into a vulcano so that when he strokes it,
it erupts lava instead of rocks and kills all of Ponytown.
RAINBOW: You have a pet called Bad Dragon?
(chuckles)
BUTTERFLY: Do I speak fucking Spanish?
POISONED: Que?
PURPLE: I mean...
even if Butterfly Butt was the one who created the problem,
we still need to fix it, right?
HERD W/O PURPLE & BUTTERFLY: (talk over each other reassuringly)
PURPLE: Mh...
Time to slay a dragon.
BAD DRAGON: (snores)
H.E.R.D.: (coughs)
PURPLE: Okay, so it turns out that there is no fire.
BUTTERFLY: What?! PURPLE: Yeah, all that smoke?
It comes from the snoring of the dragon.
BUTTERFLY: That shithead took a nap again?
You just can't rely on anyone these days, can you?
Bad Bad Dragon!
Guess who's gonna get spanked tonight!
RAINBOW: Okay, that's it!
I can't take it anymore!
I need to touch something!
And if it can't be Mount Bigdick, I'm gonna touch that Bad Dragon hard!
(grunts)
DRAGON: (growls)
RAINBOW: Uh...hehe...!
DRAGON: (roars)
H.E.R.D.: (scream)
BUTTERFLY: You bad Bad Dragon.
You were so naughty today.
You think just because you're big and hard you can do whatever you want but no,
you are my property and you do what I tell you to do.
You had one job, a very simple job but you couldn't even do that right, could you?
Now my plan has failed and it's all because of you!
Now go and don't you ever dare to come back!
If I see you again, I will slay you and use your tiny dick as a dildo!
DRAGON: You know I'm a girl, right?
(whimpers)
BUTTERFLY: I think I'll survive others knowing about me and Ass.
H.E.R.D. W/O BUTTERFLY: (cheer) BUTTERFLY: I have so much control over everyone,
it's okay to maybe let some things slide.
If Ass stops bragging about it.
RAINBOW: Hey, I can't promise anything, but after today I think I'll be able to control myself...
...most of the time! (chuckles)
SLAVE: Thanks for watching!
If you liked this episode, please consider supporting us on our Patreon
and become a member of the H.E.R.D. today!
PURPLE: Your Patreon idea better works or else I'll have to take away your fridge privileges again!
Your fridgeleges!
SLAVE: Nooo!
Not my fridgeleges!