POISONED APPLE: Ah'm tellin' ya, Weisswurst, ya gotta be more patient with her!
Purple Star will figure it out, she just needs more time!
WEISSWURST: Oh Poisoned Apple, Schätzchen,
ve've been sitting around for vhat feels like years and viz no results!
POISONED: It's only been a month.
Huh?
WEISS: Ouch...
V-vait, vhat is this, and vhy does it burn so much?
POISONED: It's called rain, and it can't burn, it's made of water.
WEISS: Not zat kind of burning, it feels like acid!
Did Rainbow Ass fill ze clouds viz radioactive vaste again?!
POISONED: Uhh, uhm, uhhh... WEISS (O-S): (screams)
oooh, ah got it! WEISS (O-S): (screams)
Go hide under that bench over there! WEISS (O-S): (screams)
Wet wood doesn't burn! WEISS (O-S): (screams)
WEISS: (running noises)
Oh no, I'm not gonna lay down in ze mud!
It vould stain my beautiful coat!
POISONED: Well... what's it gonna be then, Fräulein Weisswurst?
A stained coat or a burned coat?
WEISS: Zis wouldn't have happened if Purple Star had kept Rainbow Ass in check!
POISONED: Gurl, nopony can keep Rainbow Ass in check!
WEISS: Dass ich nicht lache, I bet I could do it!
POISONED: Could ya?
WEISS: I could. POISONED: Then prove it.
WEISS: I vill. POISONED: Please do.
["Murder Motif" plays]
WEISS: I vill prove...
to all of you zat I'm better zhan Purple Star in every way, including being ze leader of zhe H.E.R.D.
POISONED: And how do ya plan ta do that, Fräulein Weisswurst, if ah may ask ya that?
WEISS: It is time zat I kill Purple Star and take her place as zhe new and better leader of zhe H.E.R.D.!
["Murder Motif" plays]
["Welcome To The H.E.R.D. Theme" starts playing] PURPLE STAR (V-O): I, Purple Star,
am on a mission to kill Princess Hot Plot thus taking her place.
Welcome to the Horse Elite of Raging Doom, or short...
[PURPLE:] Welcome to the, --
BUTTERFLY BUTT: Shut up Purps, no one likes you!
RAINBOW ASS: I like her!
In my pants! (chuckles)
WEISSWURST: Vhite Ponys are superior!
POISONED APPLE: What are we doin' here again?
GENERAL WEIRDNESS: The end is neigh!
PURPLE: Come on guys, please?
SLAVE THE DRAGON: Welcome to the what?
[PURPLE:] -- H.E.R.D.!
PURPLE: Nailed it!
WEISS (V-O): Season 1, episode 8. A Sleepover Viz Murderous Intent.
(taunting) Don't vorry, Poisoned Apple, you vill find a new girlfriend!
POISONED (V-O): She's not mah girlfriend! [song ends]
...Yet...
POISONED: Now...hold on fer just a minute!
Y'all ain't really considerin' killin' Purple Star, are ya?
WEISS: I mean, I don't vant to kill her... But she's leaving me no other choice!
POISONED: But Purple Star is such a nice pony though!
WEISS: Did you miss ze fact zat she literally calls her pet dragon "Slave"?
["Mistakes Motif" plays] POISONED: We all make mistakes!
WEISS: And I'm afraid my mistake was trusting Purple Star to lead ze H.E.R.D.
PURPLE STAR: Guys, what are you doing in the rain? You're missing the meeting!
POISONED, WEISS: Meeting?
PURPLE: Of course you idiots, come in!
POISONED, WEISS: (running noises)
POISONED: See, ah told ya she's tryin'--
WEISS: You better clean zose
and leave me and Purps all alone... ["Murder Motif" plays"]
POISONED: Grr, Weeeiiiss...!
Ah swear ta god, ya better not kill Purple Star while ah'm gone, or ah'm gonna shove ya face first into the mud,
ya crazy Anime-lovin'...
PURPLE: I'm so glad you two could make it! Apparently everypony else was too busy to show up.
WEISS: I actually didn't know about zis meeting...
PURPLE: Oh, did I forget to tell everyone? Heh, that might explain why nopony showed up!
["Mistakes Motif" plays] Well, we all make mistakes.
WEISS: Vell, I uh suppose zat's true...
God knows I certainly have made a lot of mistakes in my time zat I'm not proud of at all...
but zat's all in ze past, isn't it, hahaha...?
God, to zhink vhat vould've happened
if you had just given up on me... [Murder Motif plays]
vait a minute...
"Alvays keep your team updated to avoid confusion, impatience and uprisings"
Is zis Dethroning 101? Vhy does the cover look different?
PURPLE: Oh, it's just a different copy.
All of the books in this library are copies of Dethroning 101.
It's the only book they have!
WEISS: Vell zhat's...
nice...?
(chuckles nervously)
WEISS (O-S): You know vhat? POISONED: (grunts angrily)
I think a meeting is a great idea! POISONED: (gurgles)
POISONED: Weisswurst, ya better didn't do anythin' bad while ah was gone!
Wha--?!
Pardon mah French, but what le fuck?!
WEISS: (hums French National Anthem)
POISONED: What are ya doin' to Purple Star?
WEISS: Oh, don't vorry, Poisy!
Ve're just testing out my camouflage for vhen ve kill Hot Plot at ze Great Pair Of Horse Balls!
PURPLE: Come on, you should try it too, it's fun!
POISONED: Mhh...
WEISS: (sings German National Anthem)
POISONED: Bleh! WEISS: And your nightvision goggles.
POISONED: Ah'm pretty those are cucumbers.
WEISS: Vell... Real nightvision goggles are too expensive.
Ve are on a budget.
POISONED: (slurps, gulps) Mjam!
WEISS: Hrm...
POISONED: Ah know what ya're tryin' to do.
PURPLE: Hey guys, I'm just looking up what to do next, so if you need me,
just remember that I'm still within earshot and can hear every word you say!
WEISS: (in German) Just so you know, I've changed my mind.
["Mistakes Motif" plays] I certainly understand zat nopony's perfect
and I vant to support her as long as she's villing to do her best.
POISONED: (in German) Ya're just sayin' that 'cause 'til recently ya were super racist!
["Mistakes Motif" plays] WEISS: (in German) I've seen ze errors of my vays!
POISONED: (in German) So ah can trust ya with absolute certainty that ya won't kill Purple Star?
WEISS: (in German) Ve'll see how ze meeting goes.
If I see zat she's trying her best, I am ready to excuse her lack of progress.
POISONED: (in German) But be warned:
["Murder Motif" plays] If ya so much as touch a single hair on her,
I'll kill ya!
["Murder Motif" plays] WEISS: (in German) Not if I kill you first!
PURPLE: Alright you two lovebirds, who's ready to plot a murder?
Yaaay!
POISONED, WEISS: Me...?
(grumble)
PURPLE: So here's the plan I've come up with.
Obviously I've reworked it, since the first draft was admittedly, ahem...
shit.
But you know what they say about first drafts...
So on the first day of The Great Pair Of Horse Balls...
...and as she's lying on the ground, desperately crying for help, but nopony there to answer,
I will slowly walk up to her and say...
"You couldn't wait to see me try."...
[Murder Motif plays] And then I'll decapitate her!
POISONED, WEISS: (scream)
PURPLE: Hehe!
Holy crap, I should write that down!
Can you believe I just came up with that?
WEISS: Your idea of poisoning Hot Plot viz an hors d'oeuvre is wunderbar,
but make sure to keep track of vhich one you've poisoned and don't let anypony else accidentally eat it.
PURPLE: Oooh...
POISONED: Which can happen very easily.
(chomps)
(full mouth) See? (chews)
Just like that...
it's all over!
WEISS: Ach, zat was hardly neccessary, now was it? POISONED: (gulps) Ahh!
POISONED: Ah was just pointin' out how easily the plan can fall apart!
Ya failed.
WEISS: Mh...
PURPLE: That's okay. We can still adapt and improvise if it comes to that!
Right guys?
WEISS: I agree! If ve make mistakes and things go vrong, ve can still learn from it and improve.
POISONED: What the--? But that's what the plannin' phase is for!
We have to identify all of the flaws now or else we're gonna put the whole operation at risk!
WEISS: But if ve keep trying to make ze plan perfect and focus on every little detail, ve vill never actually come to execute it!
POISONED: Ya really think that just wingin' it is enough
to accomplish somethin' that even the best of the best have never even come close to accomplishin'?
PURPLE: Well... Poisoned Apple has got a point though.
Dethroning 101 says: "Don't ever leave anything up to chance, because luck may not be on your side."
POISONED: Ha, Dethroning 101 agrees with me! And it's a bestseller!
WEISS: (gasps)
PURPLE: Yeah, that's true. It really is.
POISONED: Ha! WEISS: Pah!
WEISS: Hrm... If I'm not vanted here zhen I can just go-- POISONED: (snickers)
AAACID RAIN!!! POISONED: (laughs)
WEISS: (whimpers)
WEISS: Since you vant us to be so exact,
let's make sure you look sexy enough in your dress to seduce Prince Tumblerfuck.
POISONED: (gasps)
Grrr...
Sexy enough?
WEISS: Come on, seduce me.
PURPLE: Guys, th-that was a joke. POISONED: Ya're not takin' this seriously at all, are ya?
WEISS: I absolutely am, you are just taking it too seriously!
POISONED: Mah whole family has tried and failed to kill Hot Plot countless times, so ah know best how hard it'll be!
WEISS: Have you ever considered maybe trying another approach
than just alvays poisoned apples, Poisoned Apple?!
POISONED: Oh yeah, 'cause poisoned hors d'oeuvres are so much more innovative!
PURPLE: Uhm, maybe we should just end the meeting here, okay guys?
Since the acid rain is still going, you can spend the night here, if you want!
Dethroning 101 says, sleepovers are a great group bonding experience!
WEISS: (whispers) Pardon my German, but vhat der fuck is your problem?!
POISONED: (whispers) Her plan is terrible!
WEISS: Instead of tearing her down, you could be uplifting, you know!
POISONED: Upliftin'... like this?
WEISS: Eww!
POISONED: Mah point is, stop encouraging her flaws!
WEISS: You're contradicting yourself, vhat happened to "Ve all make mistakes."?
POISONED: Grrr, ya don't get it Weisswurst...
WEISS: Obviously you are ze one who doesn't get it--pfuh!
Ve need to let her grow!
POISONED: She's not growin' fast enough!
WEISS: (louder) She'll find her vay. POISONED: (vey loudly) She's totally lost!
PURPLE: Ngh, enough!
["Mistakes Motif" plays] Do you guys really think I don't know how much I suck?
I may act like I don't care if I mess up, but I feel awful every time
and I know I'm not good enough, and sometimes I feel like I never will be,
but this is the best I can do!
POISONED: Dammit,
looks like Rainbow Ass has finally mastered the art of acid lightnin'!
WEISS: Acid vhat?
POISONED: Ah hoped the day would never come...
WEISS: Vhat's acid lightning?
POISONED: It's a lightnin' bolt.
Infused with radioactive power!
WEISS, PURPLE: (scream)
WEISS (CONT'D): Pardon my Spanish, but vhat el fuck did you do zat for?
POISONED: Trust me, that was absolutely necessary! Huh?
WEISS: (moans)
POISONED: Ah hope, y'all are okay, Purple Star!
PURPLE: No, I'm not okay, there's a huge radioactive tree in my bedroom!
And the worst thing is, Dethroning 101 doesn't have any advice on this kinda scenario!
If it's not in the book, I don't know what to do!
POISONED: But ah do!
We need to destroy the tree before it turns into a radioactive power plant
and kills us all in a meltdown!
PURPLE: Too late, I'm already having a meltdown!
POISONED: A little help, Fräulein Weisswurst?!
WEISS: (to herself) Meine Güte, it really is all Dethroning 101...
POISONED: Could ya stop lookin' the other way for five seconds?
POISONED: Hrngh...
Fine!
["Mistakes Motif" plays]
Ah made a mistake!
WEISS: Yeah, no shit.
POISONED: Ah'm not talkin' 'bout the tree.
In the Apple Assassin family, we have a sayin': "We all make mistakes."
'Cause decades of failed attempts to kill Hot Plot have taught us that if we don't do the most, it's not gonna be enough.
But all this focus on where ah need to be
has made me lose sight of where ah'm right now and where ah used to be
and that it takes a lot of time and patience to get there.
Ah should be patient and help Purple Star to get where she needs to be.
And not compare her to mah own standards and get frustrated 'cause she's not there yet.
And ah'm sorry!
WEISS: Hmmm... hmm... mh!
WEISS: Vell... ["Mistakes Motif" plays]
WEISS: Ve all make mistakes.
Hrnnngh-
ahhh!
Zhere!
Improvised and overcome!
PURPLE, POISONED, WEISS: (laugh)
POISONED: So... where's Slave anyway?
PURPLE: (chuckles)
I dunno.
POISONED: Listen Weiss, about what happened today, ah--
WEISS: Aber nicht doch, I know, I'm sorry too.
POISONED: Ah was this close to killing Purps mahself!
WEISS: Not if I had killed her first.
POISONED: Ah could've killed her better though.
WEISS: No me. POISONED: No me.
WEISS: No me.
POISONED, WEISS: (laugh)
PURPLE: (joins in the laughter)
Wait, you guys were gonna kill me?!
POISONED: Where's Slave anyway?
["Murder Motif" plays] PURPLE: (chuckles) I dunno.