WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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 I invented cancer.

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How?

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I just did it. Doesn't matter.

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I created death.

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People didn't die before I was born.

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I created 

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Heartburn

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I created 

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Hemorrhoids

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I created hangovers.

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I created...

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Gingivitis 

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Mm. That's a bad one.

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I created hair loss.

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Mm...

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I created...uh...

00:00:20.325 --> 00:00:20.833
[Thinking]

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Acne

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Mm.

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I created-

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[Interrupting] Wish you didn't do that one.

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I created bad breath.

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Mhm.

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I created...Infidelity

00:00:28.921 --> 00:00:32.023
Well I mean I was sitting back about 5000 years ago and I said "You know..."

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[cont] "...looking at the future, we really need something..."