Get those hooves on a treadmill and get those muscles swole! From Chuckles for Dustcar Race 19.
Art from Red Palette.


What does it mean to be the strongest?
To lift the most weight, to run for the fastest the longest?
Is this just another song on a long list? To say that that’s wrong, it’s what was inside all along?

No!
Lift those weights, bro!

Get on that bench press, finish off that set bro;
I know you’re tired; squeeze out another rep though;
You ain’t the Dalai Lama; you ain’t the next Pope
You just a gymbro; make me get impressed, so
Press, let’s rock; get that chest popped;
It’s ya best bra, put it to the test doc,
So lemme see that sweat drop off ya fetlocks
Wreck those pecs hard. Set! Checkmark!
Chalk up those hooves; start a party in those biceps
Curls for the girls, pony; if you like the guys get
Glutes for the dudes, and if you gonna bi-rep
Better get em both, Terminator like you’re Skynet;
Swarzenneger can’t contain all this barbarian;
Bury any record with the weights that you be carryin’ 
So lemme hear it, frien: War cry scaring them;
It’s an Iron Age battlefield in the gym.

So lemme see you stack those weights on that barbell.
Till you’re outta space, plates straight and parallel.
Back braced, core aced for the form now.
You a strong mare lemme see that horsepow’. 

Never skipping leg day, gonna get the full body,
So hit that squat rack, doin squatties for the hotties,
Maybe Pilates or these martial arts blahdy-blah;
Watch me do that tai bo so I get this body hard.
You my superstar, superman, supercar 
DODGE HEMI SUPERCREW pickup filled with cinder blocks, 
With all these gym jocks fillin up your friend slots, 
I’ll be there in an instant when you need a bench spot.
If that’s what makes you happy don’t pretend to be Spock;
Just be your best self, egghead or a beast dawg,
And don’t let anybody tell you how to live it pony,
Cause you’re a special fucking angel when you’re happy homie.
You wanna pump steel? You lift those god damn weights,
Cause lemme tell you something real; I think that that’s great.
I think that you’re swell, so get that leg swole.
Here comes the hook; gimme two sets of eight: Go!

So lemme see you stack those weights on that barbell.
Till you’re outta space, plates straight and parallel.
Back braced, core aced for the form now.
You a strong mare lemme see that horsepow’. 

Give me another rep!
Lemme see that horsepow’.
Another rep!
Lemme see that horsepow’.

Time for cardio, treadmill set to beat the clock;
Veins expanding till your forelegs look like horsecocks;
No remorse, keep the pace and pound that pavement, cause
You can’t afford to stop until your heartrate makes a downpayment 
On that gold that you gonna get on race day;
Chasin up the ranks until you place on main stage;
Until you’re wasted. Sweatband soaked and face red;
Until your daily basis racin past those thoroughbreds.
Gonna finish this in ten seconds flat, 
With a last mile sprint tear those tendons off that kneecap,
And let me hear those hooves thunder past the finish line;
Pour some fuckin speed into that final minute record time;
Set that pers’nal best; never weaken; never rest; 
Try your hardest, and we’ll harden up those triceps, 
So bring the chorus back, wrapping up the song, 
Stackin up the weight rack, hoss, and getting strong.

So lemme see you stack those weights on that barbell.
Till you’re outta space, plates straight and parallel.
Back braced, core aced for the form now.
You a strong mare lemme see that horsepow’. 

Give me another rep!
Lemme see that horsepow’.
Another rep!
Lemme see that horsepow’.
Give me another rep!
Lemme see that horsepow’.
Another rep!
Lemme see that horsepow’.